


Loves of My Life

by LitsyKalyptica



Series: Loves of My Life (elams) [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alex and Aaron have something in common - overprotective parents, Alex is a workaholic but also a doting father, Alex living two lives?, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asthma, Bisexuality, Children, Consent Issues, Deaf Character, Discussion of Boundaries and Kinks, Discussion of Underage Sex in chapters 36 and 47, Drunk John, Drunk Sex, F/M, Getting into arguments with people on the internet, He's a little obnoxious but you warm up to him, Heavy Drinking, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Online Dating, Online Friendship, Online Friendship to Online Dating, Pip also has a peanut allergy, Pip is SMALL, Polyamory, Single Parents, Slow burn? WE'LL SEE, Trans Male Character, ft. Alex's poor social skills?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-03-24 13:51:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 48
Words: 67,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13812513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LitsyKalyptica/pseuds/LitsyKalyptica
Summary: Of polyamory and single fatherhood.-AHamilton: My son takes first priority in my life —always from the day of his birth to the day of my death. But if I wasn’t otherwise occupied by my Pip, I would pass the bar in only six months.And his class partners had not liked him much after that introduction.-associated ask blog: ask-elams.tumblr.com





	1. Chapter 1

> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ My son takes first priority in my life —always from the day of his birth to the day of my death. But if I wasn’t otherwise occupied by my Pip, I would pass the bar in only six months. _

And his class partners had not liked him much after that introduction.

But they were in this for the long-run now, bunched together either by fate or the whims of a professor not one of them had seen in person. Five in total, but Alex couldn’t remember their names beyond a slew of arbitrary usernames.

He wondered if he maybe could’ve helped himself by giving his name in that first response. He’d staked his claim on mastery of the program to faceless classmates without even giving his name! That would be it.

Alexander had posted to the discussion board three days ago, and still no response. No one had posted anything yet. Alex wasn’t sure whether he was more worried that his group was avoiding him, or that he’d been bunched with a group of slackers!

Probably the latter.

His phone rang. MARTHA. He flipped it open, pushing down the rush of anxiety. Calm down, Alexander. There’s no telling that she’s calling with bad news.

“Alexander?”

“Hey, how’s my boy?”

“Oh, he’s doing just fine. He’s lying on the sofa, almost falling asleep on his picture book. Poor thing can barely keep his eyes open. Tired and hungry.”

“Okay, tell him I’ll be back soon.” He was already closing his laptop. “Don’t give him any snacks unless they’re on the approved list. He can have some orange juice.” He slipped his hefty laptop into his satchel and chucked the cold coffee into the trash on his way out of the shop. “I’m three blocks away. Ask him to start counting, unless he’s too tired to count to twenty.”

“Will do, honey. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

Alex tucked his phone back into his jeans and ran a hand over his burning eyes. He had lost track of time again. He’d gotten out of work at five, and wanted to get a bit of coursework done at the cafe before he got home, but suddenly five became seven, and seven became nine. And he was going to miss Pip’s bedtime.

* * *

 

“He’s asleep.”

Alex nodded and stepped quietly inside. In the warm glow of a side table lamp washed over his small son curled into an impossible position on the sofa. How could he have been comfortable like that? Alex tried to pick him up in a such a way that wouldn’t awaken the boy. 

He held Pip close against his chest. He’d always adored this boy, but he’d been feeling especially sentimental lately. It was Friday. On Tuesday, Philip would be starting school. Alexander wasn’t sure he was ready for that.

Ideally, father and son wouldn’t spend more than six hours apart at a time. Alex was lucky enough to work within six blocks of the apartment building, and George always brought Pip for lunch. It was always the highlight of his day, and Alex told himself that it was all for Pip’s sake more than his own.

“Thanks again, Martha.” He shifted his hold on his son a bit, trying to keep his computer and the small child from dropping to the floor. His poor laptop would have to go first. “And next time, feel free to call me earlier.”

“I know you’re busy.”

“I’m never too busy to miss Pip’s bedtime.”

She smiled and headed into the kitchen. Alex heard the water running at the sink. “Good night, Alexander.”

“Good night.”

* * *

 

Alexander lived down the hall from the Washingtons, so home was just a short walk away. But even on this very brief journey, Pip started to shift a bit in his arms, face rubbing back and forth against Alex’s shoulder as he started to wake up. “Daddy?”

“Look where we are, Pip. We’re home.” He was just coming up on the door, and kissed his son’s head through a bed of dark curls.

“Time?”

“Bedtime.”

Pip sighed and tucked his head back against Alex’s neck, only to giggle through his exhaustion. “Your neck is itchy, Daddy.”

“Oh no. Pip, I think you need to help me shave.” He dug his key out of his pocket.

“I don’t know how.” He seemed to genuinely lament his inability to help with this.

Alex laughed. “You’re a fast learner.”

Alex got Philip through his evening routine, and the four-year-old climbed into bed a half hour later than usual, but Alex easily relented to reading him a bedtime story. “But only ten minutes tonight.” He set the timer to vibrate against his lap. Pip settled under his green wool blanket, and Alex read aloud from a secondhand copy of  _ James and the Giant Peach _ .

He always did the voices. It sometimes hurt his throat, but it always made Philip smile.

Pip was asleep by the time the timer went off, but he still gently tucked the boy in and kissed his head, turned the nightlight on, and left the door cracked just a little bit open.

* * *

 

Alex thought that Pip would be just as nervous about school starting as he was, so he dedicated the weekend to doing all sorts of fun things. Most of it was at home: they drew and colored, put together puzzles, read together. They went out to the library and Alex took out eight books at Philip’s request, and carried to heavy stack back to the apartment. 

Sunday was usually a day for rest at home, and the only day of the week Philip was allowed to watch TV on his own, while Alexander got some work done in advance of the long week ahead. But they would both be home for Monday, so Alexander pushed that time off a little, and they went to the park after breakfast. 

George and Martha would often take Philip to the small asphalt park in the neighborhood, but Alex splurged on a trip to Central Park, followed by a lunch out and a movie in the theater.

Pip was already on the jungle gym by the time Alex sat on a nearby bench. Pip had no trouble making friends. He ran around on the playground with a group of two other boys, both white, and one little black girl. Pip seemed especially friendly toward the girl.

Alex caught the man sitting next to him watching the same group of children as himself, and he smiled. “What I wouldn’t do to have that… again,” he added as an afterthought.

The stranger smiled. “Which one’s yours?”

Alex pointed at the mop-headed ray of sunshine as he ran past the slide, nearly slipping on the woodchips. “Philip, be careful!” But he had a bright grin on his face. “Light of my life.”

“I know the feeling.” Shortly after Philip climbed up the steps to the slide, the same girl with whom he’d been playing came racing up after him, and in a similar childlike fashion she nearly slipped right off.

“Theo!” The man that had previously been sitting next to Alex suddenly rushed over. But the girl, Theo, was all smiles and quickly resumed the game of tag. The man took a slow step backwards, watching after her, before returning to the bench with some uncertainty.

Alex decided to help him lighten up. “They look like they’re having fun. Your daughter?”

“Yeah.” He laughed but without any humor behind it. “I wish sometimes she’d take a moment to slow down. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

Alex couldn’t blame him there, but couldn’t help but think it might be better for both of father and daughter if he could relax a little. He almost voiced as much, but his brain short-circuited when he realized he’d lost track of his son.

“Philip?” he called out, starting to sit up. This seemed to get the other father’s attention, as well, and he stood to join him as Alex set off closer to the playground. “Philip? Pip? Where’d you go?”

“I’m here, Daddy!” Pip popped out from behind one of the walls of the playground set. “Hide-and-seek!”

Alex laughed off his peaked anxiety and ruffled his son’s hair. “Okay, but you can’t be hiding from Daddy, right?”

“Right!”

“How’re you feeling?”

“I’m good!”

“You’ll sleep well tonight.” He laughed, more genuinely this time. Pip giggled and scurried off into the slide as Theo rounded the corner.

Theo’s father was still standing next to him, and Alex caught back up with where they were a minute ago. Only a minute, he thought. “She’ll be fine.”

The man didn’t say anything.

“I’m Alex.”

“Aaron.”

“Nice to meet you.” Alex watched their children playing together some more. The other kids had wandered off to other games. It was just the two of them left in their game.

“We’ll have to arrange a playdate.”

Alex smiled. “Yeah, I guess so.”

* * *

“1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9…”

Pip let a breath out on ten; slowly, as the doctor had taught him. “You’re getting better at this,” Alex noted with a smile, tucking the inhaler back into his bag.

“School starts this week, Daddy. I’ll carry it myself.”

Alex hummed quietly. Two more days. He just wanted to enjoy it, wanted both of them to enjoy it while they could.

It was around noon, and Alex and Pip sat under a tree so the boy could nap in the shade. Pip used his father’s shin as a pillow —“The boy could sleep anywhere, in any way,” Alex noted— so Alex could pull his laptop out and do some work while his son slept. The less he had to get done during the week, the more time he could spend with Pip in the evenings.

There were two new posts to the group forum: both from the same person, both on the topic he had posed to the group. Alexander was suddenly ecstatic and eager to reply. He looked over the thread. The first post responded directly to his first question (and, Alex would admit, rather intelligently), but the follow-up had less to do with the content Alex had presented.

> **_ABurr:_ ** _ Alexander —you present an interesting argument here, but I get the sense you’re trying to outdo the rest of us at something. Call it a hunch, call it truth, but the way you’ve already been speaking to us on here you seem to think you’re better than the rest of us. Let’s agree to all stay on equal footing in this. I understand, and admire, your resolve to get ahead, but I ask that you make sure it doesn’t amount to showing off. _


	2. Chapter 2

Alex had pushed, hard, for Pip to start school early. He’d submitted video evidence of his son’s reading and math ability to the schoolboard, taken him for assessments, devoted the time necessary to prepare his preschool-age son to start kindergarten in the fall.

He couldn’t take the credit, though. Philip was the one who’d shone bright; his father had simply directed the rays.

Applied talent, this time, bore fruit. Pip would be starting kindergarten today. And he was excited.

Alex was not.

He had been, until the morning of. He checked the clock. One AM. Little Pip was sleeping soundly across the room. Alexander gently touched his head on his way out to the living room. He had work to do.

* * *

 

Alex had requested a note from Pip’s doctor in June, and despite numerous follow-ups, he was still left empty-handed. He’d expected as much, and had spent full days in the preceding weeks researching what sorts of accommodations he would need to request from the school on Pip’s behalf, what they’d need to know to keep him safe when Alex couldn’t.

Most of it came to the same standard to the standards he set for anyone with whom he left his son:

> _ Ms. Schuyler, _
> 
> _ I’ve come to awareness that you will be my son Philip’s teacher this year, and I insist you have the opportunity to know what he will need to survive and thrive in your classroom. _
> 
> _ To preface: my Pip has both asthma and a deadly allergy to peanuts. For the sake of his safety, and our peace of mind, I won’t limit this notice to peanuts at the exclusion of other tree nuts. _
> 
>  
> 
>   * __First and foremost, Pip cannot share food with other students. He knows as much, but children —even as mature and intelligent as Pip— are susceptible to temptation. I hope and trust you will keep an eye out for illicit exchanges.__
>   * _Pip uses his own hand sanitizer for the bathroom and other sanitation purposes. Too many scented soaps and lotions contain nut oil, of which I hope you were already aware. He will use this hypoallergenic brand instead —you will see it, the dispenser looks like a teddy bear._
>   * _Airborne dust and dirt can trigger an asthma attack, so he will need to be careful playing outside. Pollen has been a less frequent irritant, but still a possible risk. I check the air quality every day except in winter, and will send him with a note if his outdoor play will have to be limited or closely monitored._
>   * _He carries his routine medication, rescue inhaler, and epipen in his backpack, and will need to have them on him at all times. His regular inhaler is in the front pouch; he is starting to use it on his own (minus the counting), but please feel free to assist if he needs it, or to have the school nurse assist. His rescue inhaler is in the left-side pocket of his bag, his epipen in the right and labelled with a laminated tag. Instructions for their use is enclosed in those spots as well._
>   * _He takes two puffs at noon; the rest will be outside of school, unless he enrolls in an extracurricular program, which I would neither be surprised by nor discouraged. Should he stay exceptionally late, he takes two more puffs at five; should be be particularly early (and I will remind him), he takes two in the morning at seven..._
> 


Alexander went on to include several other points, until the note was five pages long. He stapled the pages together and stuck it to Pip’s new backpack with a safety pin.

He checked the clock again. Almost four.

He’d promised Pip they could have French toast for breakfast.

Not yet.

He plopped down on the sofa and checked the discussion board. A series of new responses, and not one of them from this “ABurr” person.

> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ I agree with Burr, but I’ll take it a step further: Hamilton, you’re too new here to make enemies of the rest of us. If no one else will do it, I’ll put you back in your place. _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ same _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Enemies? Jefferson, I think you’re taking this a little too seriously. You acted the same way last year, and it was just an introduction. He posed an interesting question. Chill. _

Alex smiled a little. Someone coming to his defense? How noble.

“Daddy?”

Alex turned and saw Philip standing in the doorway, eyes sleepy, holding tight to his cotton blankie and a floppy stuffed puppy he’d christened Nugget. He blinked slowly at his father and shuffled closer.

Alex smiled and opened his arms up at Pip approached. “Hey, buddy. What’re you doing up?”

“Woke up,” the boy mumbled into his father’s shoulder.

He laughed softly. “Okay. How about that French toast?”

That woke up him up.

They worked together to make their breakfasts. Pip was getting good at breaking the eggs without getting half the shell in the bowl. Bread, eggs, berries. Everything was okay.

“So.” Alex popped a thawed blueberry into his mouth. “School starts today.”

“Yeah!” Pip cheered around half a moutful of food. Alex normally would’ve reminded him of his manners, but he let it go.

“If we go early, the teachers have some stuff we can do together before I have to go to work.”

Pip was bouncing in his seat. “Can we go?”

Alex nodded and took a sip of his coffee.

* * *

 

“... 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9…”

Pip let air out through his teeth.

“Good job, son.” Alex ruffled his hair and tucked the inhaler back into the front pocket of Pip’s new dinosaur backpack.

Philip was whining and rubbing at his neck. “My throat’s itchy.”

Alexander felt the hairs stand up on his arms. He exhaled slowly and slipped his watch off his wrist. “It’s probably just from your medicine. Here.” He showed him the time: 7:08. “Ten minutes. Then let me know if it’s still bothering you.” Worse came to worse, Alexander had mentally mapped out the route from the elementary school to the clinic. A half-hour walk. They passed the gray building on the bus ride to the school.

Pip played with the watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to comment! Comments keep me writing!


	3. Chapter 3

Eliza had her hands full. Her classroom assistant, who was meant to be an extra pair of hands in a room of twenty-five small children, had her hands full, too. Who was around to help when everyone was otherwise occupied? The children hadn’t even arrived yet.

Millie was hanging up the alphabet banner for the third time that week. Scotch tape didn’t work. Poster putty didn’t work. She was about to try stapling into the concrete wall. “I got duct tape. If this doesn’t work, I’ll do it.”

Eliza laughed softly from her desk, shuffling through stacks of forms. “The children need the alphabet up there.”

“And they’ll have it!”

Eliza liked Millie. It was Millie’s first year, but she expected they’d get on just fine together.

Eliza was finalizing the program for the morning. Two years into her career and she was not prepared for the onslaught of jittery and overprotective parents. They’d project their anxieties onto their children, and find Eliza to be cruel or incompetent to justify their nerves. It wasn’t easy, and she wasn’t ready, but she had gotten through it before and would do it again.

“How many are coming in early?”

“I’ve gotten seven confirmations.”

“Oh no. Here they come.” Millie laughed and looked out the window. Eliza’s eyes followed.

Sure enough, and apparently without their prior notice, seven sets of parents and young children were waiting outside the building. Eliza was the only teacher offering this kind of program. They were all there for her.

“Millie, hurry up and try to get that banner up.” She quickly straightened up her desk. She looked out the window again and found that the parents were starting to talk amongst themselves while the children ran around. She smiled.

Eliza went out to the front and let them inside, greeting the arrivals with a bright smile, leaning down to meet her new students on their level.

Alexander was the last one to arrive, his son perched up on his hip. And Eliza greeted them the same as everyone else.

* * *

 

The idea was that the parents could stay long enough to help their child adjust to the classroom. Eliza engaged them in very loose adaptations of the kinds of activities she would be introducing to the children throughout the beginning of the year, giving both parent and child the chance to know what they had in store.

Not to mention, it was easier to learn names in smaller groups.

About a half hour into the program, Eliza went around to each family and explained what she wanted them to do next, while Millie handed out crayons and construction paper. Alex got a blue sheet; Pip got green. He was briefly upset because he wanted to draw with the green crayon, but when Alex offered to trade, Pip refused to give it up.

Eliza came over with the same bright smile. Alex smiled back a little more lightly.

“So, Philip— Do you go by Philip?”

“Philip or Pip!”

“Which would you like me to call you?”

He let out a long hum and looked at Alexander, as if expecting him to answer for him. Alex gave him a pointed look with a small smirk.

“Pip!”

“Okay, Pip, how old are you?”

Philip held up four fingers. “I’m four. Daddy said I would be the youngest classmate here.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you are.”

Alex watched as their conversation continued, attention slowly starting to drift back to the note pinned to his son’s backpack. “Um, Miss Schuyler?”

Eliza took a moment to finish the conversation with the child, asking him to draw what his dad did for work. Once Pip got started on the task, she turned her full attention to the boy’s father. “Yes, Mr. Hamilton?”

Alexander thought to ask that she call him by his first name, but he relished being called “Mr.” too much. “I’ve written up a note for you regarding Pip. I’ve tried to get a note from his doctor, but no matter how many times I try I don’t get a response.” He gently ruffled Pip’s hair. “I’ll send in the official notice once I get it, but I just thought you should know what he needed in order to avoid triggering his asthma and allergies.”

Eliza hummed quietly. This approach was a little unorthodox, but not unheard of, especially with first-time parents bringing their child into school. “That’s very considerate of you, Mr. Hamilton. Is this it here?” She gently tapped the note pinned to Pip’s bookbag, straight through the head of a stegosaurus.

“Yeah, that’s it. I was very thorough.”

She laughed softly, and Alex felt a strange tingly heat rush to his cheeks. “I’ll be as thorough reading it as you were writing it. Don’t worry. We have protocols in place for children with allergies. Pip will be just fine with us.” She straightened up a little. “I have to go meet a couple of more families. But feel free to speak with me before the end of the program if you have any other concerns. In the meantime, we’re asking the parents to draw what their child wants to be when they grow up.”

Alex nodded and got right to work as she headed to the next table. It was a bit difficult to draw in that tiny chair, elbows bumping into his knees, but he had worked in much more uncomfortable positions than this.

* * *

 

Pip drew his father surrounded by stacks of paper the same height as Alexander. He was in a forest green suit with a beige tie, and his glasses on. Standing around the stacks of papers were also other, less detailed people, much smaller than the man in the center. ‘LAW’ was written across the top. A rough rendition of Alex’s trusty old laptop (he’d had it since before Pip was born) was down in the corner, and it was labelled ‘SCHOOL,’ spelled correctly. Alex didn’t recall ever teaching him that word (”Pip, where did you learn that?” — “It says it outside!”).

Alexander drew his son, the same age and size as he was currently, surrounded by a large crowd. He specified one of the figures to be a woman, and not knowing how else to distinguish her, labelled her ‘president.’ A large speech bubble hovered over Philip, and not knowing how his son’s genius would manifest in the future, Alex filled it in with a poem he had written just last week.

Alex found himself absentmindedly stroking his son’s hair as he drew, a small smile on his face and tears prickling in his eyes.

* * *

 

The event was due to end at nine o’clock, when the rest of the students would start arriving for the day. Eliza knew to expect that many of the parents would have a hard time leaving their children with her, but was surprised she wasn’t on the receiving end of more displaced anxieties.

Alex was the last to leave.

Eliza went over to help ease the transition while Millie started a hurried cleanup.

“Mr. Hamilton.” She watched with him as Pip started playing with his classmates. “Your first?”

He nodded. “And I’m not planning on any more.”

“It gets easier.”

“Do you have children, Miss Schuyler?”

She shook her head. “Unless you count the new batch of twenty-five I get every year, and have to say goodbye to at the end.”

Alexander accepted her response, biting down on his thumb. “Have you read the note?”

“No, I haven’t gotten the chance yet. I have time off while the children are napping, I’ll devote that time to reading it.”

“But he’ll be okay in the meantime?”

“Yes. We are trained to avoid allergy triggers.”

“Okay. Just know now he can’t share food with other children. He has his own snacks, I have to know what he’s eating is safe. He knows, but just keep an eye out.”

“I will.”

Alex nodded again, and Eliza thought he would be ready to leave with that reassurance, but he didn’t budge. Eliza tried a different approach. “He looks like he’s having fun.” The children were building towers with blocks. Pip’s tower was the highest and most stable.

“He is.”

“Do you think he can bear a few hours without you?”

“I—… I don’t have a choice, do I?”

She smiled a little. “Unfortunately you can’t stick around all day. And I don’t think he needs it.”

Alex wanted to protest that she didn’t know Pip. But he did. And watching Pip laughing and playing with his classmates, he drooped slightly. “I think so, too.”

“Do you want to call him over and say goodbye?”

Alex shook his head, letting Pip keep playing, and knowing it would only be harder for him to leave if he had to say goodbye directly. “Bye, Pip! I’ll pick you up after school.” His voice cracked slightly, but he only gave a short wave before heading out.


	4. Chapter 4

The fresh air felt good, cooled his nerves. Alex didn’t find himself worrying so much as he walked away from the school, knowing his son was in good hands. But he wasn’t honestly feeling well enough to go into work.

> **Alex:** Sick today. Will be back in tomorrow.
> 
> **Bossman:** Okay. Make sure you get caught up.

Alex knew he was lucky to be able to call out like this. He could remember working retail in late high school, sixty hours a week and barely making rent in the shittiest apartment he’d ever lived in. No vacation days, no sick days; you showed up or didn’t bother coming back at all. Alex breathed a sigh of relief as he arrived back home without worrying he wouldn’t have a job tomorrow.

But he quickly realized that if he didn’t keep himself distracted, he would spend the whole day worried about Philip, hands twitching toward his phone, ready to call in and make sure his son was doing well.

Alex opened up his laptop and returned to the discussion board. Twenty-five unread posts. Something must’ve happened.

> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ We have our first presentation due in three weeks, so we better get started working on that. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ Does anyone here actually care about copyright law? At all? _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ i kind of do _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ Okay, I stand corrected. Any ideas, Jem? _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ no, not really. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Fair use? If nothing else, it may be the easiest topic to keep our audience engaged. Not to mention it will be easy to find not only information but news about it. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ BURR _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ @BURR _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ @ABurr _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ (thanks) _
> 
> **_ABurr:_ ** _ Did you need me for something? _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ you’ve been quiet _
> 
> **_ABurr:_ ** _ I’ve been watching, reading everyone’s ideas. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Only one of us has actually submitted any ideas. _
> 
> **_ABurr:_ ** _ And I was wondering if anyone else was going to submit an idea. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Well, what are your ideas? _
> 
> **_ABurr:_ ** _ @JMadison @TJefferson _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ I didn’t ask them, I asked you. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ I led all of the discussion this week, I’ll let you two figure it out. _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ i have no ideas. i’ll let you guys decide. _
> 
> **_ABurr:_ ** _ Hey, you know who’s missing? _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ no _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ not really _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Hamilton? _
> 
> **_ABurr:_ ** _ @AHamilton _

Alexander decided to reply. He’d had time to think through his own thoughts while reading the exhange.

> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ I’m discouraged by how little Burr and Madison are willing to contribute to the discussion. It doesn’t feel appropriate to the function of the board, and I hope they keep in mind that the rest of us members are relying on their equal input. Jefferson, I admire the work you’ve done on the other thread, but I’m seeing the same pattern in you as you seem to have seen in me, and I’d like to avoid addressing you directly any more than I have to. I have had my own ideas of what we could do for this presentation, but I admit that none have struck me with any especial inspiration, and I would like to honor Laurens’s proposal by acqiuescing to the idea he’s put forth—I agree that fair use law could give us plenty to work with, and would engage our classmates more easily than some other topics. As long as everyone is in agreement, I suggest we move forward with this plan. _

Alexander stepped away from his computer to give them some time to absorb what he’d written. He decided he probably needed a shower, and that would kill plenty of time, so he headed off to the bathroom and stripped down.

The water running down over his body, Alexander just stared at the tiled wall. It every weekend he scrubbed the grime away. The bathroom was as spotless as the rest of the house. 

He couldn’t risk Pip getting sick again. Fortunately there was no mold here. He needed to keep it that way.

* * *

 

Alex decided to get out of the shower and decided to forego the binder for now. He still had plenty of time before he needed to go get Pip from school, so he could probably squeeze in some more homework and the discussion board, suffer through lunch alone, and maybe even take a nap before he had to get dressed and go. 

He almost couldn’t wait to go back to work. At least then he’d have something else to think about.

Alex made himself a bowl of cereal and wrote a note on the fridge that he had to pick up milk on the way home with Pip. Maybe he’d buy him some sour candy, too. He decided that he would if Miss Schuyler said Pip had been well behaved and engaged during class.

Before returning to the discussion board —which had honestly slipped his mind— Alexander checked his email, both professional and personal. There were plenty of work correspondance he could reply to. And he did, but told himself not to respond to any more for the rest of the day. He had the day off, and he might as well take advantage of it. The work would still be there tomorrow.

Of course, he was only going to be putting off future work emails so that he could focus on school, so it wasn’t like he was really procrastinating. Alex checked his personal email, and was surprised by an email from Pip’s teacher.

Okay. Calm down, Alex. If something was wrong, she would’ve called. Alex had given his contact information (cell number, email, work number) in the letter he’d given Miss Schuyler that morning. Yes. If it was an emergency, she would’ve called.

Alex pressed a trembling finger into the trackpad.

> _ Mr. Hamilton, _
> 
> _ I’ve had the chance now to look over your letter. I’ve showed my teaching assistant and have passed a copy on to the school nurse, as well as the vice principal for administrative purposes. During my talk with the school nurse, Ms. Walton, she’s suggested that we help you in contacting your doctor for an official notice of necessary accommodations. If you could pass on Philip’s internist and allergist on to us, we can try to arrange a meeting so that we can work to meet the specific needs of your son. _
> 
> _ Additionally, I have agreed to pass on a request from Ms. Walton for a copy of Philip’s asthma prescriptions. She keeps epinephrine injections in her office already. _
> 
> _ I’m looking forward to working with you and with Philip through the rest of the year! _
> 
> _ Best, _
> 
> _ Elizabeth Schuyler _

Alex felt relief wash over him like a wave. He was barely thinking clearly as he wrote up a response. He thanked Miss Schuyler for her attentiveness, her consideration, her willingness to advocate for his son’s needs. He provided the number for the physician Philip most often saw, the same one who’d written up Pip’s perscription, and noted that he’d bring a copy of the prescription to the school with him that afternoon.

His cereal got soggy.

Alex pushed the bowl aside and kicked his feet up on the coffee table, burying himself in the terrycloth robe he still had wrapped around him. He clicked over to his inbox and saw that he had a message from—

> _ Hamilton? _
> 
> _ Sorry, I don’t know your first name. I just wanted to let you know that the thread you just posted to has become a little toxic, and just thought you might want to avoid it until everything cools down. I don’t think it really has to do with you. I think everyone’s stressed out, still adjusting to the semester. Everyone’s sort of on edge and I think we’re just not getting along so far. Hopefully that’ll change while we work on our project. _
> 
> _ I know you’re new. I’ll fill you in on the dynamics on request! _
> 
> _ The others have (reluctantly) agreed to the fair use idea. I appreciate your endorsement, ha, but I was kind of interested in hearing what you had in mind. You seem to have a lot to say, and most of it pretty intelligent. If you’d like to let me know here, I’d really love to read it. Maybe we could incorporate your ideas into our next big assignment. _
> 
> —  _ John (aka JLaurens) _

Alex smiled, but felt something sinking in his stomach. He didn’t need to be well-liked by his classmates, at least not as much as by his professors, but it still would’ve been nice. He hoped he hadn’t already irreparably stunted his partnership with the others.

But John had reached out to him, reached out a sort of olive branch to him. And he found himself eager to reciprocate.

He closed the tab with the discussion board open, and clicked back to his email.

> _ John, _
> 
> _ I suppose I should properly introduce myself. My name’s Alexander; I’ll allow you to call me Alex if we start to develop a friendship beyond our professional obligations. I appreciate your warning, your consideration that I may be happier away from all of that. I hope you’ve given your own welfare the same care, and avoid what may be unduly stressful. I suggest we make a pact, now that you have put the idea in my mind, that we look out for each other in this way. Or maybe it’s just my role as a father blending into my role as a colleague. _
> 
> _ Your offer of learning more about the other members of our group is both devious and enticing, and I find that I can’t say no! In exchange, I will elaborate on the ideas that have crossed my mind, in as much depth as doesn’t repel you. _
> 
> _ Warm regards, _
> 
> _ Alexander _

Alexander waited out the rest of the morning for a response from John. At noon he ate a small lunch and read a bit before sleep came over him.

His alarm went off at one-thirty, and it woke him up on the second buzz.

Alex sprung up, got dressed, and hurried out the door.

This first day without Pip was awful. He didn’t know how he’d be able to do it again. He didn’t want to eat lunch alone again. But he needed to get through it, needed to handle it for Pip’s sake. He just reminded himself, over and over again, that it was for Pip’s future, that his genius needed to be nurtured as well as Alexander could provide for.

* * *

 

“Daddy!”

Pip ran into his father’s arms, and Alex eagerly scooped him up. “Hey, buddy, how was school?”

The boy buried his face in Alex’s shirt, and Alex’s brow furrowed in confusion. He looked over to Eliza, standing in the corner, but she was only smiling softly. “What happened?”

“Pip?” She stepped a bit closer. “Would you like to tell your father what upset you today?”

“Theo wasn’t in my class…”

Alex couldn’t help but smile too as he rubbed his son’s back. “Aw, I’m sorry, Pip. Maybe her father and I will arrange a playdate for this weekend.” 

Pip didn’t respond verbally, but nodded against his shoulder.

“Mr. Hamilton? You said you were bringing a copy with you?”

Alex nodded and pulled a folded copy of Philip’s prescription out of his pocket. “I wanted to thank you again when I saw you in person.”

“You’re very welcome, Mr. Hamilton. We’ll help you work to get this sorted out.”

Alex nodded, smiling at her. “Well, we better get going.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Pip.”

“Bye, Miss Schuyler!”

Alex decided they would take advantage of the good weather while it lasted, and they took the long way home, by the park. Alex picked up a half gallon of milk from a corner store, and let Pip pick out a candy. He checked the ingredients thoroughly before purchasing both. Pip ate his gummy worms as they walked.

“So, besides Theo not being in your class, how did you like school?”

“I made some friends. Everyone’s really nice. Miss Schuyler is really nice and pretty, and Miss Millie is really nice and pretty and she makes us laugh! And Miss Schuyler plays piano! I asked if she’d teach me, and she said maybe.”

Alex smiled brightly. He’d meant to get Philip into piano lessons, but every instructor he’d looked into charged too steeply for him to reliably afford. But it certainly wasn’t too late for him to learn, and maybe Miss Schuyler would charge a more reasonable price.

* * *

 

“... 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9…”

They stayed at the park for a bit. It wasn’t much, but it had a small patch of grass small children could run around on. Alex let Pip run around with some older boys until his alarm went off at five. “Pip!”

Philip ran over, huffing quietly, face red but a huge smile plastered across it. “Yeah, Daddy?”

“I think we should probably get going. Mr. and Mrs. Washington invited us for dinner. They want to hear all about your first day of school.”

Pip nodded and slung his bookbag back over his shoulders. They walked home together as the sun dipped behind the tall buildings lining their street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this chapter is so much forum posting/email/letters/texting!
> 
> Please comment! Comments keep me writing!


	5. Chapter 5

> **TJefferson:** Everyone give me your phone numbers
> 
> **JLaurens:** ??? Why?
> 
> **TJefferson:** If we need to get together to work on the project together in person, I think we’re gonna need to communicate?

Alex skimmed everyone’s phone numbers as he ate his breakfast, adding them to his contacts with one hand as he spooned Cheerios into his mouth with the other. Alex posted a response, adding his own number and asking when everyone would be available, before going to wake up his son.

The rest of the week had gone by easier. He’d thrown himself back into work for the seven hours a day he had to be away from Pip, distracting himself from the loneliness. And as he continued correspondence with Miss Schuyler and other faculty at Philip’s school, he became more comfortable with leaving Pip with them at the start of every day. But it was Saturday, and Alex was surprising Pip with a playdate with Theo.

Alexander watched him sleeping for a moment before nudging the boy’s shoulder. “Pip? C’mon, it’s Saturday.”

Pip groaned and slowly turned over, his hair going everywhere in a way Alex knew would be hell to brush out. “Mm. Morning, Daddy.”

“I have a surprise for you.”

That woke him up considerably. “A surprise?”

“Yes. But you have to brush your teeth and eat breakfast before I tell you.”

Pip hopped up and out of bed, nearly knocking Alexander over as he ran out to the bathroom. Alex smiled, and by the time he joined him, Pip was up on his stool and preparing his toothbrush. Alex washed as Pip was able to brush his teeth by himself.

“What do you want for breakfast, Pip?” Alex liked teasing him by asking him questions while Philip brushed his teeth.

“Cew’al,” Pip answered through a mouthful of foamy toothpaste before spitting it out. “Cereal!”

Alex headed out to make a bowl of Cheerios for Pip while he finished up. He checked the time: 6:58. “Pip! You have to take your medicine.” He could hear him finish rinsing, and then the patter of footsteps as Pip joined him in the kitchen. “Go get your inhaler.”

Pip whined, hungry and eager to find out his surprise. He didn’t budge.

Alex looked down at him, a kind but stern look in his eyes. “Pip. Medicine first, then breakfast.”

Pip whined louder and held onto the counter, hanging back from it. “Surprise, Daddy!”

Alex ruffled his tangled hair. “Medicine. Food. Then surprise.” His tone let Pip know the matter was decided, and the boy reluctantly ran off to grab his inhaler out of the basket next to his bed. 

He brought it back to Alex, bouncing impatiently as Alex shook the canister. “Surprise!”

Alex ignored it. “Ready?”

Pip took his medicine as instructed, and hurried to eat his breakfast. Alex checked the date written on the side of the inhaler. A refill was due soon.

While he waited for Pip to eat, he decided he needed to send an email before everyone ran away with the group chat idea.

> _ John, _
> 
> _ My phone plan doesn’t allow for group texts, and I feel a greater allyship with you than with any of the other members. So I must make a request: would you be able to forward any group decisions made in the chat on to me? I don’t mean to inconvenience you at all, especially after the kindness you’ve shown me, but I don’t trust that any of the others would follow through, and I can’t afford to ruffle any more feathers by requesting accommodation, at least when discretion is an option. _
> 
> _ All the best, _
> 
> _ Alexander _

He was startled by how quickly he got a response.

> _ Alexander, _
> 
> _ Yeah, don’t worry about it. But I’m going to suggest an alternative to the group text idea. Do you use Google Hangouts? You might still not be able to see it on your phone, but you could check it on your laptop, right? Or your computer. Whatever it is you’re using to email me, ha! _
> 
> _ By the way, did you see the email I replied with last night? About the other members? _
> 
> _ Best, _
> 
> _ John _

Alex’s concentration was interrupted by Pip climbing up onto his lap. Alex laughed and wrapped an arm around him to make sure he didn’t fall. “Now?” the child begged.

“Okay, okay. Well— we’re going out today?”

“Where?”

“I’ve been speaking with Theo’s father—”

Philip’s eyes lit up. “Playdate?” he gasped.

Alex grinned and nodded. “We’re meeting with them at ten, but it’s gonna be a long bus ride. And your hair is a mess this morning! So let’s start getting ready now.”

Pip squealed and hugged his father around his neck before hopping down, stumbling as he ran off to the bedroom.

“Daddy? I wanna pick out my clothes.”

“Go ahead, buddy,” Alex conceded from the doorway. Pip dugu through his dresser but, unsatisfied, he moved on to the closet.

“What’re you looking for, Pip?”

“Are we going to the park?”

“No, we’re going to Theo’s home.” It was too warm out today to meet them at the park.

Pip chose a light blue button shirt and khaki overalls. It was the only semi formal outfit he owned. “This one.”

Alex almost cried from how precious it was that Pip wanted so badly to look nice for Theo.

* * *

 

Pip was avoiding cracks in the sidewalk as they headed to the bus stop.

“What’re you doing, Pip?”

“Don’t step on the crack or you break your mama’s back!”

Alex laughed quietly. “You don’t have to worry about that, then.”

“Yeah, but Luke from kindergarten told me about it, and what if I step on a crack and break his mama’s back? Or what if it also breaks daddy’s backs and you get hurt instead?”

Alex ruffled Pip’s hair, careful not to get it knotted again. “Pip, I think you need a haircut.”

The boy’s arms flung over the top of his head as if Alex was maliciously wielding a pair of scissors, as if ready to chop it all off right at the bus stop. “No, Daddy!”

“But you always say how it hurts to brush it.”

“But everyone says my hair looks so pretty.”

Alex couldn’t argue with that. Maybe they could let it wait a little longer. He’d convince him eventually.

They took the bus across the city to Aaron and Theo’s neighborhood. They passed by a line of storefronts, and suddenly Pip was tugging on his father’s sleeve, pulling him to a halt.

“What’s up, Pip?”

Pip pointed into the flower shop. “Daddy, the little white ones…”

Alex looked inside and saw an elegant display of daisies. “Do you want to go in and take a look?”

Pip nodded and they headed inside.

A pleasant older woman greeted them on their arrival. “Hello, hello! And how are you today?”

“We’re just browsing,” Alex answered, humming quietly. He noticed how his son was clinging to his shirt, burying his face in his hip. Alex was surprised; Pip wasn’t usually this shy. He crouched down to eye level. “What’s wrong, bud?”

He pointed at the daisies again. “Want one.”

“You want a flower.”

He nodded.

“How much are the daisies?” Alex asked the florist.

“Twelve for a dozen.”

That wasn’t very unreasonable, but Alex didn’t really think Pip needed a dozen. “How many, Pip?” Pip had returned to pressing his face into his father’s shirt. Alex heard him mumble for three. “Okay. How about we go into your piggy bank when we get home, and you just borrow the money from me now, so you can say you bought them yourself?”

Pip nodded against his hip. Alex bought the flowers for him, knowing he wouldn’t ask for the money back later.

From there it was a short walk to the apartment.

* * *

 

“Pip!”

Little Theo was the one to greet them at the door, and she eagerly hugged her friend. Alex smiled down at them both, the wrapped flowers in hand. Aaron came over and greeted him with a firm handshake.

“Th- Theo! I, uh, I got these for you!” Philip grabbed the flowers from his father’s hand and held them out to Theo, eyes averted, burning red up to his ears.

She gasped and grinned widely. “Thank you, Pip!” She took them and inhaled them deeply, then plucked one out of the lot and tucked it into her hair, and then another one into Pip’s.

He couldn’t stop blushing.

Both fathers laughed fondly and let the children run off. “What a little gentleman. You must be very proud of him.”

“I’m always proud of him. You’ve got quite the little lady on your hands, Aaron.”

“That I do. A brilliant one, too. Just like her mother.”

“Are you married?”

“Yes, but Theodosia’s out of state for work. She won’t be coming back until next week.” Aaron started moving toward the sofa, and Alex inferred that he should follow. “I’m actually glad you brought Pip by this weekend. Little Theo’s been missing her mom all week. This is a good distraction for her.”

“You should’ve seen how excited he was to come.” Alex leaned in to whisper, “Pip bought the flowers himself.”

Aaron laughed and shook his head, leaning in to whisper back. “Does my little girl have a secret admirer?”

“Well, I’d hope it’s not secret right now.”

“Can I get you a drink, Alex?”

“Just water, thank you.” Alex watched the children play while Aaron was in the kitchen. 

Theo had a box full of dolls that they decided to dress up together. “Later we can get the dollhouse! And maybe Chloe and Maisie can have babies there. I have some babies.”

“Chloe’s hair looks like yours, Theo. It looks like a cloud.”

Theo smiled brightly, and suddenly a lightbulb went off over her head and he grabbed the last daisy and clumsily tucked it into Chloe’s synthetic hair.

Aaron returned with two bottles of water, handing one to Alex. Alex thanked him, but the purified water didn’t taste any different than the tap.

“So what do you do for work, Alex?”

“I’m a paralegal at a personal injury firm.”

Aaron nodded, looking genuinely interested. “I’m actually in law school right now.”

“Oh, really? Me too!”

“Full scholarship.”

“Me too…”

“Frees me up to focus on that and being a stay-at-home dad as much as possible.”

“What I wouldn’t give for that…”

* * *

 

Aaron took them out for lunch. Alex almost wanted to turn it down, but knew that declining the offer would cut short the children’s time together. Pip was the only reason he would ever swallow his pride.

Having never been to this restaurant before, Alex had to ask for detailed ingredients of each item on the children’s menu. He decided Pip could get a burger and fries with water. It was usually a safe choice, and it wasn’t faililng them now.

Theo leaned in to whisper, quite loudly, to Philip. “Pip, why does your Daddy check your food?”

“Because if I eat peanuts I get really sick and go to the hospital. And sometimes there are hidden peanuts in things you wouldn’t think have peanuts.”

She made an ‘o’ with her mouth and seemed to understand. Bright girl.

Aaron poured oily dressing over his salad. “Pip, are you in preschool?”

“Kindergarten,” Alex interjected, picking at his own fries.

“At four years old?”

“He’s a genius.” Alex sat up straighter, a hidden smirk on his face.

“Well done.” Neither of them knew who Aaron was speaking to.

* * *

 

It was difficult to pry the two apart after their naps. “Pip, I promise, we’ll arrange another playdate as soon as we can.”

Pip was crying. Alexander didn’t really know how to handle this, it was so unusual for his Pip to get worked up like this over something seemingly so minor.

Theo was crying, too, and the fathers weren’t sure whether it was because Philip was crying, or because she didn’t want to say goodbye, either. But after a bit of soothing from Aaron, she was the first of the children to calm down, only sniffling occasionally as she spoke.

“Next time we’ll go to your house, Pip. And we’ll see each other again soon!”

“Well said, sweetheart. Alex and I will schedule something soon.”

Alex tried to assure Pip that this was true, but Pip couldn’t be consoled. “I think he maybe didn’t nap long enough. I’ll just get him home. Thank you, Aaron; thank you, Theo. You’ve been wonderful hosts… Pip thanks you, too, especially you, Theo. You’re a good friend.”

Theo beamed up at them through her still wet eyes, and waved at them as Alex turned to head off, Pip in his arms.

* * *

 

“... 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9…”

Philip hiccupped before he could let the air out.

“Breathe, buddy.” Alex let him sit a few minutes longer. He’d finally stopped crying, but was waiting for a time that felt appropriate to ask, “What happened, Pip? Why’d you start crying when we had to leave?”

“I-I didn’t wanna leave Theo…”

“I know, but we’ll see her again soon.”

“But she lives so far! And she’s not in my school!”

“But you have other friends at school.”

“But she’s my best friend! And- And I wanna see her more often...” He curled up into a ball. “Why can’t I go to her school…”

“Theo’s in preschool, Pip.”

“Why can’t I be in preschool?”

Alex sighed and started getting Pip ready for bed, dealing with the resistance in stride. He was starting to wonder whether Pip was really ready for kindergarten. Intellectually, academically? Yes, of course. But emotionally?...

* * *

 

Once Pip was in bed and finally asleep, Alex decided to unwind a little bit, watching YouTube on his laptop, headphones off but volume low. His email was still open in another tab, and he thought of John. More than most people Alex knew, John was pleasant to talk to. It helped that they were only communicating virtually so far, as Alex was much more eloquent in writing than speaking.

> _ Alexander, _
> 
> _ You asked for me to go into more detail about what kinds of people Jefferson, Madison, and Burr are like. And I’ll gladly provide all the juicy details you could desire! _
> 
> _ Jefferson and Madison are the oddest package deal you could come across. I think at some point Alpha personality Jefferson took a liking to the much more submissive Madison, though the Alpha-ness has rubbed off at least a little bit. Madison is probably the more devious of the two: he’s more behind-the-scenes while Jefferson is the mouth, and boy does he have a mouth on him. Watch out, though; Jefferson is one of the better students here, and is inhumanly persuasive. He must’ve signed a deal with the Devil or something (and we can keep this blasphemous assumption between us, right?) to be the most convincing speaker in all of New York —and they’re both from Jersey! _
> 
> _ Burr’s a bit of a different beast altogether. He’s not too much of a threat; he’s brilliant, honestly, but he won’t confront you or anyone. No matter how much you antagonize him, he will keep his cool, and you could end up looking like the bad guy. _
> 
> _ It’s almost unfortunate that the professor put so many brilliant future lawyers (Jefferson, Burr, yourself) in the same group, but it’ll be interesting so see how this plays out. Hopefully it won’t end in a bloodbath, ha! _
> 
> _ Best, _
> 
> _ John _

-

> _ Alexander, _
> 
> _ I see you haven’t gotten the chance to get back to me yet, but I just found myself wondering how your day went. How did you spend your Saturday? How’s your son? _
> 
> _ Best again, _
> 
> _ John _

Alexander spent the first email taking mental notes to store away for future use, but he couldn’t help but smile at the second. John had not only thought of him, but had thought to ask how his day was, and how Pip was doing. He smiled and, leaving out Aaron and Theo’s names to protect their identities, he decided to tell John all about his day…

> _ … But he was feeling a little better before bed. Hopefully that will satiate him until I can bring him to see his friend again. _
> 
> _ But enough about me now, as I know next to nothing about you. How was your day, John? I’d really love to know you better. _
> 
> _ Warm regards, _
> 
> _ Alex _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone's enjoying so far! Please remember to comment!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER TWO-UPDATE DAY

“... 5… 6… 7… 8… 9…”

“Daddy, I wanna go back to bed.”

“Alright, buddy. I’ll be cleaning up if you need me.” Alex kissed his head and let him slip back under the covers.

Alexander knew he would spend the first three hours of Sunday morning cleaning the apartment, and Pip wouldn’t stay in bed all day, but Pip knew he could come out and watch a movie on the sofa whenever he was ready to get up. Alex was allowed a small pause in his cleanup to make his son’s breakfast.

By the time Alex was finished cleaning, Pip was still in bed. 

Alex decided to go and check on him. “Pip?” He sat down on the edge of his son’s bed, listening carefully for any wheezing. But everything sounded fine, and Philip seemed to be sleeping peacefully. Alex stroked his hair softly and decided he was probably just tired after yesterday. If nothing else, he’d just wake him up for his next round of medicine. In the meantime, Alex could have some time for himself.

Just in case, Alex stayed in the bedroom with him. 

Pip had proven time and time again that he could easily sleep through the clacking of Alex’s laptop keyboard.

He had notifications in his Hangouts app.

> **JLaurens:** Why did someone change the chat name to “SMDR”??
> 
> **TJefferson:** don’t worry about it
> 
> **TJefferson:** We have work to do.
> 
> **JLaurens:** Well if we’re meeting in person then when is everyone available?
> 
> **JMadison:** I’m free on Sundays and on Monday and Tuesday evenings. And Friday evenings sometimes.
> 
> **TJefferson:** Mads and I are in Newark but we’re on campus those times except for Sundays. What about the rest of y’all?
> 
> **JLaurens:** I’m available most nights but mostly on Fridays or Saturdays.
> 
> **TJefferson:** I’m not going into the city on Saturday, fuck you Laurens
> 
> **JLaurens:** You’ll only catch me dead in Newark
> 
> **TJefferson:** Then agree to the times we’ve proposed
> 
> **JLaurens:** I said Friday!
> 
> **TJefferson:** Okay, Friday.
> 
> **JMadison:** Where are the others?
> 
> **JLaurens:** @AHamilton @ABurr
> 
> **JLaurens:** I’ve done what I can
> 
> **TJefferson:** *slow clap*
> 
> **AHamilton:** I’m good on Fridays, depending on the time. I also might be able to do Saturdays or Sunday afternoon and evening.
> 
> **TJefferson:** Saturday’s already been taken off the table
> 
> **TJefferson:** I have to take either the tunnel or the bridge from Jersey and fuck you if you think I’m sitting in that traffic
> 
> **AHamilton:** Okay, not Saturday, then. Good.
> 
> **AHamilton:** Where is Burr?
> 
> **ABurr:** I’m here
> 
> **AHamilton:** Please contribute then!
> 
> **ABurr:** None of those days or times work for me, at least not this week
> 
> **AHamilton:** Then why didn’t you say anything?
> 
> **ABurr:** I wanted to see if anyone proposed any other times. I didn’t want to interrupt.
> 
> **AHamilton:** You were called for!
> 
> **AHamilton:** Who does that? Who waits for a decision to be made before going against that decision?

Alexander had to step away from his laptop for a bit before he said something he’d regret when the group decided to ostracize him. But Burr was driving him insane. He set his laptop aside and put his headphones on, listening to calming music as he wrote in his journal.

If anyone asked —or if anyone but John asked— he wasn’t writing about what a useless, noncommital waste Burr was proving himself to be.

Speaking of John, though…

Alexander checked his email, and found that he’d gotten a response.

> _ Alex, _
> 
> _ I feel like I’ve just been let in from the doghouse, finally allowed to call you Alex! _
> 
> _ Well, if you want to know more about me, I think you’re going to have to ask me more specific questions. I can’t just bear my heart and soul to you unprovoked, ha! _
> 
> _ And we will be meeting some time in the next week or so. Be sure to let me know when you’re free. _
> 
> _ See you soon, _
> 
> _ John _

Alexander carefully considered what he could ask John about himself. What did he want to know? What would spark a conversation?

He checked on Pip: still asleep. He very gently turned his son onto his back to keep his airways clear as possible. Alex gave him a quick check-over to make sure he was fine, but to the best Alex could make out, Pip was just asleep. He checked the time: almost 11. They had time.

> _ John, _
> 
> _ You’ve caught me off guard with this request, but in the interest of getting to know you better prior to our first meeting, I’ll indulge you. _
> 
> _ If you weren’t studying law —if life had drawn you down a different career path— what would you be doing right now? What would your life in this moment look like? _
> 
> _ Eagerly, _
> 
> _ Alex. _

Alexander went to get started on lunch while he waited for a reply. He had eaten breakfast very early, and Pip hadn’t eaten at all, so it’d be best to have food ready for after Pip’s medicine. Bologna and cheese sandwiches, no crust on Pip’s and cut into triangles.

“Daddy?”

Alex turned, but found that Pip was standing next to him in the kitchen. “Hey, sleepyhead. Did you have a good nap?”

He nodded, rubbing his eyes. “I was tired…”

Alex did feel bad that the boy had to wake up at seven every day, even on weekends. “But you feel better now?”

He nodded again, and tugged on Alex’s shirt. “Lunchtime?”

They had time. “Yeah, it’s lunch, then medicine.”

Philip pouted a bit but didn’t protest. He sat down on the couch and waited for Alex to bring him his sandwich. They ate together over an episode of  _ Blue’s Clues _ .

Alex checked the time. 11:30. He paused the episode on the VHS. “Pip, we need to talk.”

Pip looked up at him, eyes wide and questioning. “Yeah, Daddy?”

“I’ve noticed you haven’t been wanting to take your medicine lately. You remember that you get sick if you don’t take it, right?” At Pip’s nod, he continued. “So I’m wondering why you haven’t been wanting to take it.”

Pip shrugged, looking down at his lap.

“Will you think about it for me? I want to know how you’re feeling.” He rubbed his back a little.

“Yes, Daddy.”

Alex kissed his head and cleaned up their plates. “Do you want to keep watching  _ Blue’s Clues _ ?”

“I wanna watch  _ Sesame Street _ .”

Alex nodded and switched out the VHS with a DVD of  _ Sesame Street _ episodes, and started with the first one. “Daddy has to do some work, but I’ll be right in the bedroom if you need me.”

Pip didn’t answer, engrossed in the episode. Alex smiled and left him to his show.

* * *

 

Alex got answered some work emails, and did some necessary reading for one of his classes, only breaking to go help Philip with his inhaler at noon. Finished some time that afternoon, he returned to the living room with his laptop. Pip was all but pressed against the TV screen; Alex gently pulled him back to sit down on the linoleum floor. He smiled and ruffled his son’s hair before plopping down on the sofa with his laptop. His attention returned to his school email, only to find that John had replied.

> _ Alex, _
> 
> _ I might need some more time to consider the question you sent me. I expected you to ask something like my favorite color. I’m flattered, honestly.  _
> 
> _ Anyway, we’ll be seeing each other sometime this week for the group meeting, but I’d like to get some time with you without those guys. I’ve got some friends that I maaaaay have told about you. And they kind of want to meet you too. So let’s hang? _
> 
> _ See you then! _
> 
> _ John _

Alexander had an idea. He moved back to the group chat.

> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ Good afternoon, everyone! I’ve a proposal for you: everyone post a picture of themselves. When we meet up on (Friday, I’m assuming?) it may be beneficial to know what each other look like. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ We all know each other. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ Except you, I guess. _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ Well, then I make the request for my sake. Here; I’ll start. _

Alex posted a photo of himself at the park with Pip, but cropped it in such a way that only the top of Pip’s head was showing. He didn’t want to be posting pictures of his young son like that.

> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ Oh that’s the kid you mentioned that one time. That one time I’ve stopped caring about. _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ do we need to post pics of ourselves? _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ As long as I know who everyone is this shouldn’t be difficult. _

Alex felt his face burning, and was suddenly glad the others couldn’t see him. He’d hoped this would open the group up to him a bit, that he could know what everyone else looked like and so they would be less intimidating.

He mostly wanted to get a picture of John.

> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ And @ABurr, sir? _
> 
> **_ABurr:_ ** _ I won’t be joining you on Friday. Something came up and I couldn’t make myself available. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ Fine. Just catch yourself up. I’m not pulling your weight. _
> 
> **_ABurr:_ ** _ John has my number, @JLaurens, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind updating me on the details. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Yeah sure, but from there it’s your responsibility _
> 
> **_ABurr:_ ** _ Understood. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ What did Alex say? Is he gonna be there? _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ Scroll up, dingus _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Hey! Pictures? I’ll join in. _

Alex watched in real-time as his methods paid off. John posted a picture of himself, and Alex had to take a moment before his brain started working properly again.

Damn. How long has it been since I’ve reacted to someone like that?

> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Cute kid, by the way, Alex. Even though it’s just the top of his head. Cute kid :) _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ Thanks John, I’ll tell him you said so. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ Wait your kid’s not gonna be joining us, is he? _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ I’ll see if I can get a sitter, but if not, well, that’s what having a child means. Sometimes they attend your meetings. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ ugh _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Fuck off it, Tommy _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MUCH FORMATTING. I love writing the group chat but I hate formatting it lmao.   
> I guess I'm leaving what the pic of John looks like up to you, dear reader ;D (Keep it clean though!)  
> Oh and did you guys catch the hidden musical easter egg? (I wasn't exactly subtle lmao). Please do comment.


	7. Chapter 7

Alex took a few minutes after work to call Martha Washington.

“Alexander! How was work?”

“It was fine, Martha. Pip got back from school okay?”

“Yes, yes, George picked him up this afternoon.”

“Has he taken his medicine?”

“Yes, almost all by himself.”

Alex felt his worry melting away. “He has his dinner?” He’d sent Pip to school every day with both his lunch and dinner for when he got back to the Washingtons’.

“He’s eating right now.”

“And he’s behaving himself?”

“As good as always.”

Alex smiled and tried to open his laptop. He was waiting in the school library to meet with his group. But one hinge was broken and Alex was scared he’d separate the screen from the processor. He managed to nudge his elbow in there and, holding the hinge, very carefully pushed it open. “Could you put him on the phone?”

“Of course, dear.”

Alex heard some shuffling on the other end of the line, followed by Martha’s muffled voice, and footsteps.

“Daddy!”

“Hey, Pip. How was school?”

“School was fun! Miss Schuyler read us a story and I got to help, and then we did counting, and I could outcount everyone in the class, and then we drew pictures but—” He stopped abruptly.

“But what?”

“But Isa Jackson drew a better picture than me…”

“Oh, well, that’s fine. Were you happy for her?”

He received no answer.

“Pip? Sometimes other people will do a better job than us. But that doesn’t mean we didn’t do well. As long as you’re trying your best, I’m always gonna be proud of you.” He would always be proud of his darling son regardless, but that was beyond the scope of this lesson.

“Okay, Daddy…”

Alex stayed on with him another few minutes before the meeting time approached. “Pip, I have to go now. Be good for the Washingtons. I’ll see you in the morning.” Because of the evening meeting, and not knowing how long it would take, he had Pip staying overnight with George and Martha. “And then we’ll go see Theo tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah! Okay! Bye, Daddy!”

“Love you, buddy.”

“Love you too!”

Alex grinned and hung up. He took a deep breath, reminding himself that he trusted his neighbors with Pip, more than anyone besides himself. He opened the group chat to remind himself of their convening location, but found he’d missed some important messages.

> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ So Burr already bailed on us _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ And now Mads and I have been stuck in dead-stop traffic for almost an hour _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ accident on the bridge _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ So we’re gonna tap out too _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Wait so it’s just gonna be me and Alex? _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ who? _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Hamilton _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ Well I guess so _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ we’re about to miss our last possible exit _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ We’ll figure something out. We’ll meet next week or something. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ We’ll just have to coordinate our responsibilities on here.. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ Peace, bitches Y _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Is that a peace sign?? What are you using that you can’t include an emoji or something? _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ I said peace, bitch _

So Burr wasn’t coming. Jefferson and Madison weren’t coming.

Alex sent a message directly to John.

> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ John? Where are we meeting? _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Hey, Alex! It’s just gonna be us working tonight. Is Philip with you? _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ No, he’s staying the night with my neighbors. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ You know that cafe across the street from the library? _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ Yes. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Let’s meet there? My interpreter and I are already here already, ha. _

Interpreter? 

> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ Alright, I’ll be there in five? _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Cool! Are you hungry? I’ll order for you. _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ Large coffee, black. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Alright, killer. _

Alexander shut his laptop and headed out of the library.

* * *

 

Alex recognized John at the cafe. He was sitting with another man, and for a moment Alex hoped that one of their partners had shown up after all, but he also remembered John saying something about an interpreter a moment ago. Was that this person?

“John!” Alex called from the other side of the fence. He’d have to go through the cafe to get to the outside seating area, and the line was out the door, but he wanted to get his classmate’s attention so that John wasn’t left wondering where he was. “Hey!”

John had his back to Alex, but the man sitting across from him tapped his arm and pointed to Alex as he tried to get his attention. John turned and must have recognized him, too, because he smiled brightly and waved. Alex waved and smiled back. He didn’t really want to be standing in line right now.

He looked away for a second, but when he looked back John was coming over and the other man was following him. John signed something to his companion, and Alex was so struck with realization that he didn’t process a translation.

“Oh, I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

The stranger laughed. “Ah, no, he was just reminding me to introduce myself. Last new friend we met had to go the whole night not knowing my name.” The man reached a hand through the rungs of the wrought iron fence and Alexander took it for a firm shake. “Herc Mulligan.”

“Alexander Hamilton.”

“Yeah, John’s told me all about you.” John was leaning on the fence, going back and forth between watching Alex and Herc.

But mostly Alex.

Alex laughed softly. “Only good things, I hope.”

“Oh yeah, he had us dying to meet you.”

“Us?”

“Another friend of ours.” 

John lightly hit Herc’s arm to get his attention, and Herc interpreted as exactly as he could. “We’ll all hang out sometime soon. Laf didn’t come because otherwise we’d never get any work done. But I’ll avoid lip-reading if I can. Hope you don’t mind.”

It was a little late for Alex to mind even if he wanted to. “No, not at all. I’m actually… really excited to meet you, John.”

Alex wondered whether this was how Pip felt when they went to see Theo last weekend.

He wondered if he’d feel the same as Pip did when he had to leave.

“Same to you, Alex.”

There was a small lull in the conversation. The line moved a bit, and Alex followed it. John followed along the fence. Herc was sipping his early-seasonal pumpkin latte when suddenly John made a claim he wasn’t really expecting. “This is weird for you, and I’m wondering why.”

Alex was equally taken aback by this, but when he looked up from his boots it didn’t look like John was upset with him. “I… just didn’t know.”

John’s brows furrowed. “You didn’t? When we were all introducing each other on the discussion board I said I was deaf.” He laughed. “Even though the other guys already knew.”

Alex felt his face burning. “I… I suppose I must admit my vanity. I made my own post and didn’t return to read the others…”

“I would be upset, but I think you’re feeling bad enough right now. Honestly, it’s kind of funny just how red you look.”

That only made Alexander burn brighter.

* * *

 

Once Alex finally made it through the line, he was able to join them in the outdoor seating area. He took a sip of his black coffee just as Herc seemed to be finishing his latte. The latter sat next to Alex on one side of the table. “Or he’s not gonna even pretend to speak to you.”

Up close, Alex noticed the hearing aid in Herc’s ear.

They worked for quite a while on their presentation. At several points Herc complained of John teasing him for not knowing the legal jargon Alex was using. “I’m very happy having gone into fashion, Laurens. And you still owe me for that outfit.”

Alex had two recurring thoughts that evening. One, that he was having quite a bit of fun. (Was this what having friends could be like?) Two, that John’s laugh was both addictive and contagious.

“So, are we using a Powerpoint or not?” Alex asked as they planned the format of the presentation.

“I’ve always been a fan of visuals, Alex. Yes, we are, but I think we can leave it to them to make it based on our genius ideas.”

“And we’ll divide the presentation up in five parts…”

“Assuming Burr shows up.”

Alex groaned and dropped his head to the table, notebook paper sticking to his cheek as he sat back up. “Is he really that bad? Is it too late to kick him to another group?”

“I don’t think he won’t show. I don’t even think he won’t hold up his end. The issue is that he doesn’t take the lead, ever. And so he kind of pales in comparison to the rest of us, even though he’s probably just as capable and knowledgeable about the topic as we are.”

“So we can count on him, just not to be the first to jump in.”

“I think you and Jefferson have that covered. We all have our strengths to play to.” John looked him up and down. “You can fight Jefferson and I for most charming.”

Alex chuckled, averting his eyes. “You’re on.”

* * *

 

“How long have we been out here?”

Alex checked his watch. “Uh, two hours.”

John passed Herc a hundred dollar bill and patted him gratefully on the shoulder. “We should probably call it a night, I have an early trip tomorrow, and you have to get back to your kid.”

“And I have a huge project due Monday that this one dragged me away from,” Herc added, pointedly signing along as he spoke.

Alex nodded and stood, stretching. His back ached too much and too often for a twenty-three-year-old. “Well, have a good night, you two.”

“Text me, Alex. We’ll all grab drinks soon.”

Alex smiled softly, open mouth, and nodded. “Yeah. Soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, almost 12,000 words in, Lams finally meets in person!  
> Remember to comment, I want to know what you guys think so far!


	8. Chapter 8

Alexander got back to his building at around nine. He paused briefly outside the Washingtons’ apartment, wondering if it wasn’t too late to bring Pip home. But it was all quiet inside, and he didn’t want to disturb.

He fumbled a bit with the key to his own place and locked himself inside. He had to immediately peel off his binder, wincing in soreness. He definitely wasn’t supposed to wear it for fourteen hours. He’d have to be more careful.

Alex tried to get some work done before he could fall asleep, but his mind kept slipping back to his evening with John. Despite the necessity of Herc being there, too, Alex only remembered it as being the two of them.

Focus.

When his attention strayed, Alex could usually bring himself back into the present by thinking about Pip. Pip’s breakdown the other day came most prominently to mind, and with it the sliver of doubt that he was truly ready for kindergarten.

He decided to email his son’s teacher before heading off to bed.

> _ Miss Schuyler, _
> 
> _ I appreciate the work you’ve done for my son (Philip) these first two weeks. I am equal parts relieved and grateful to know that even in my absence, my Pip has someone in his corner. _
> 
> _ It pains me to write this, for two reasons: (1) that I do not wish to air my child’s behavior at home, particularly that which it may embarrass him to know I’ve told you; and (2) a considerable part of me may be engaged in a paternal denial of my darling son’s shortcomings. But in the best interest of Philip’s schooling and development, I feel this concern must be addressed sooner than later. _
> 
> _ This past Saturday, Pip had an incident in which he was inconsolable for having to leave a playdate with a new friend of his. He cried from the time we left his friend’s home, and for the hour it took us to return to our own apartment. As he finally calmed down enough to speak to me, he lamented how he wasn’t in preschool. I believe he said so with the idea in mind that he would be able to go to school with his friend —this is the same friend for whose absence he was upset the first day— but it’s still of some concern that he may not be happy in nor benefitted by his enrollment in kindergarten. _
> 
> _ I am torn between concern for my son’s happiness and for his future. _
> 
> _ Pip was assessed for emotional and social intelligence prior to his enrollment, but I believe that I have the best authority on his readiness for school. Second to myself, given your expertise and working relationship with my son, I trust your judgements such that they will factor into my decision. _
> 
> _ And so we’ve come to the crux of this correspondance: I am writing you with hopes you will pass along observations you’ve made of him in the classroom that may help me make the decision on whether or not to pull him from school for another year. _
> 
> _ Thank you in advance. _
> 
> _ Alexander Hamilton _

* * *

Alexander was up again before dawn in the morning. He got fully dressed and by 6:45 he was knocking on the door to the Washington residence. George opened this time, in his robe and slippers, yawning.

“Good morning, Alex.”

“Good morning, George. How was Pip?”

“Oh, he was fine. He gave us a little grief when he had to use his inhaler last night, but he came around.”

Alex tensed. “You mean his routine inhaler?”

George nodded and gestured for Alex to come inside. Alex entered and sat almost comfortably on the sofa. George sat across from him in his armchair. “How’re you doing, Alex?”

“I’ve been doing fine. I’m doing well in school and I should be promoted—”

“Not what I meant.” He sipped his coffee. “Are you taking care of yourself?”

“Yes, of course.” He wondered how George could even expect an honest answer.

“Are you getting your hormones?”

“I’m getting a refill next week.”

“You know if you ever need anything…”

“I know. But I don’t need charity.”

“It’s not charity. Martha and I care about you. And we care about Philip. So, please— Don’t be afraid to swallow your pride, if not for you then for your son.”

“I’m doing just fine—”

“You’re working yourself to the bone.”

“It’s for my son.”

“And if you work yourself sick, you really think that’s any good for him?”

“I’m  _ fine _ , George.” 

Alex’s eyes were hard, but George Washington’s gaze was steady as he sat back in his chair. “You’re family, Alex. You know that.”

“Where’s Philip? I need to get going.”

“He’s in the guest room,” Martha answered, coming out from behind the couch. Alex wondered how much of the conversation she’d heard. Knowing Martha, it was probably all of it.

Alex saw Pip’s bookbag in the corner and dug his inhaler out of it. He shook it; almost empty. “Pip? Come on, we have to get going…”

“Coming, Daddy!” Pip came running out in his pajamas (the Washingtons had bought that pair for him). “We’re seeing Theo today?” His eyes shone brighter than the sun, and Alex smiled fondly, ruffling his hair.

“Yes, but we have to go get ready first. Come on, say goodbye and thank you to Mr. and Mrs. Washington.”

Pip ran to Martha and hugged around her legs. She grinned and bent down to hug him back before letting him move on to her husband. “Bye, Uncle George!”

Alex bristled.

* * *

 

Alex spent about ten minutes brushing the knots out of Pip’s hair. “Pip, buddy, I need you to stop squirming. The sooner we get this done the sooner we can go see Theo.” Pip managed to sit still a little better at that, and in an attempt to maintain that stillness, Alex started humming a little song.

“You sing really nicely, Daddy.”

Alex laughed, knowing it wasn’t true, but the fact that his Pip believed it warmed his heart.

Alex let Pip watch their rented copy of  _ Moana _ while he got a bit of work done. Alex was starting to wonder whether he could do all his work remotely; he sent himself a reminder to ask his boss about that.

Alex had a private message from John, and Eliza had responded to his email.

> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Hey, Alex! A couple of friends and I are going out on Saturday. Not today, Saturday next week. Just the three of us. You could make it four. _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ Hey John, I’m happy to hear from you again so soon. I had a lot of fun with you last night, but it leaves me wondering whether our conversation will be mostly regarding legal matters. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Ha! No, I’m sure we’ll find something much more fun to talk about. Are you in? _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ I’ll have to see if my neighbors can watch Pip again. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Oh, you can bring him. We can just hang out my place. _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ Are you sure? _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Just promise you’re coming if I say yes? _

Well, Alex couldn’t exactly say no now. He didn’t even want to. He confirmed that he would be joining them with or without Philip, and on receiving John’s address, he finalized their plans to see each other on Saturday at three.

“Daddy? You’re smiling a lot.”

Alex looked down and saw Pip leaning against the edge of the coffee/dining table. He chuckled and tapped his son’s nose. “Daddy’s not allowed to be happy?”

“I like when you’re happy.”

Alex only barely kept himself composed at that.

“Why are you happy today?”

“Oh, well—” He almost decided against telling him, but on consideration that Pip may very well be joining him on this little excursion, he continued, “On Saturday I’m going to my friend’s house.”

“Ooh, Daddy has a playdate!” Pip bounced excitedly.

Alex grinned and returned to checking his email.

> _ Mr. Hamilton, _
> 
> _ Your concern is more than understandable. I can’t say that I’ve noticed any similar behavior in class; Philip is very outgoing with other students, seems to make friends easily, although it seems he hasn’t singled out any particular close friends yet. Aside from the incident on the first day, he hasn’t become upset about anything in my presence. He has given some resistance to going to the nurse’s office to use his inhaler, but I’ve spoken with him and the resistance has been eliminated. _
> 
> _ I’m glad you reached out. I’ve gotten in contact with Philip’s doctor, and I am inquiring now about a time you would be available for a meeting to discuss any necessary accommodations for Philip. _
> 
> _ Thank you, and enjoy the rest of your weekend. _
> 
> _ Elizabeth Schuyler _

* * *

The very loosely established plan had been that Aaron would bring Theo to the Hamilton apartment this time, but Alex was nothing if not a mine of wonderful excuses to not have people over to their place.

Pip tugged on Alexander’s sleeve as they stepped off the bus. “Daddy? I wanna get Theo another present.”

Alex sighed softly and scooped his son up into his arms. “How much money do you have in your piggy bank?”

“Ten dollars.”

“Okay. And how much do you want to spend on a present for Theo today?”

He held up two fingers.

“Alright. We’ll see what we can find before it’s time to see them.”

“Okay, Daddy!” He wrapped his arms tight around his father’s neck, and Alex knew there was no putting him down now. He knew his back would be especially sore later, but as his son’s soft curls tickled his nose, he knew it’d be worth it. Always.

They dipped into a discount store, and Pip was able to buy a small stuffed bear for his friend. Alex decided to let him pay for this one; otherwise he’d be buying presents for the little girl every week, and though he would love to be able to do something like that, he didn’t exactly have the funds necessary.

By coincidence, when Aaron answered the door for them, he was holding Theo in his arms as well. Alex recognized exhaustion in his eyes. He’s been there. A lot.

“Oh, Alexander, Philip. Good morning.”

Theo waved, but she was quieter than the last time they’d seen her. Pip was squirming now, and Alex finally let him back down. “Theo! Hi!”

“Hi, Pip!” She was grinning again now. Aaron smiled stiffly and set her down so they could run in and play. Little Theodosia led Philip back to her bedroom.

“Morning, Aaron.” Alex started to step inside. He didn’t want to feel like he was intruding, but he could easily get around that with the excuse that his child was already inside. It wasn’t like Aaron could turn him away.

“Good morning, Alex.” He stepped aside to let him in. “How was your meeting with Laurens the other night?”

Alexander blanched. What? How did he know?

Wait—

“... Aaron Burr, sir?”

Aaron nodded and sat down on the sofa. “Nice to meet you in person, Mr. Hamilton.”

* * *

 

In retrospect, they should’ve figured it out sooner. They both prided themselves on their intelligence, and yet they’d been uncharacteristically oblivious to each other’s true identity.

“How’s Theo doing?”

Aaron sighed and leaned his chin in his hands. They watched the children playing in the middle of the floor. Alexander was nervous about what dust and mites may be hiding in the violet carpet. “She’s been doing fine, given the circumstances… Her mother is in the hospital, coming home tomorrow, but it’s not looking good.”

Alex felt very small. He didn’t know what he could say that wouldn’t insult or otherwise hurt Aaron. “I’m… sorry.”

“We’ll have to figure out what we’re going to do, whether she can go back to work or not, and if so, whether I’m going to have to go back to work.” He paused a moment. “Alex? I’d appreciate you not telling the rest of the group about what’s going on. I want to keep my home life as separate from my school life as possible.”

Alex nodded. “I promise.”

“Daddy!”

Alex’s attention returned to his son. “What’s up, buddy?”

“Theo loves the bear I got her!”

He smiled, glancing between the two of them. It was really a tiny thing, but Theo was hugging it tenderly to her chest.

“Theo, did you say thank you?”

“Oh, she did, Mr. Aaron!” Pip scooted back over to Theo and resumed their game so that Theo could join back in.

* * *

 

“... 6… 7… 8… 9…”

Pip coughed it out.

“Do we need to try again, Pip?”

He nodded, coughing into his fist.

Alex shook the canister, acutely noticing the rattling inside. “Here, try again…”

Pip pressed down to release the medicinal spray, but— “Daddy, nothing came out.”

Alex sighed heavily and tucked it back into his pocket. “Okay, bud. We’ll get it refilled on the way home so you can have it for tonight.”

Pip nodded, still coughing, but eagerly returned to his play on the carpet Alexander didn’t trust.

“Aaron…” Alexander kept his voice low. “When was the last time this carpet was vacuumed?”

He seemed taken aback and mildly offended. “I vacuumed yesterday.”

“And what about deep cleaning? How often is it deep-cleaned?”

“We have it done maybe once a month—”

“Okay, but when?”

“Alexander, if you don’t think I keep my home clean then you can just say so.”

“It’s not that I think you don’t, it’s just that I don’t know.”

Aaron sighed through his flared nostrils. “Maybe six weeks ago. We missed getting it done last month.”

“I think we have to go.” Alex stood. The air here felt toxic. If even I can’t breathe, how must he be feeling? “Pip, come on. We have to go get your medicine refilled soon so we can have it before the pharmacy closes.”

Philip went pale at the sudden change of plans, and he looked between Theo and her father as if they could say that no, it wasn’t true, they weren’t leaving so soon. “D-Daddy, I don’t wanna go!” Tears were building in his eyes as Alex scooped him up.

“C’mon, buddy, calm down. We’ll see her again soon, I promise.” Alexander looked back at Aaron, as if daring him to disagree as Theo started crying too.

Alexander didn’t feel he had much of a choice this time. Paranoid, he had to just get Pip out of the apartment.

* * *

 

Alex worked to sooth him on the bus ride back to their neighborhood. “Pip. Pip, come on, buddy, I know you’re upset, but you’re gonna make yourself sick. Come on. Breathe with me.”

He was holding Pip close to his chest, forcing deep, steady breaths for his son to mimic.

Pip didn’t. 

The rest of the bus ride went something like that.

Alex carried him off the bus when they got dropped off seven blocks from their building, but headed in the other direction. The clinic’s pharmacy closed early on weekends, but he should still be able to squeeze it in.

He wasn’t expecting that they wouldn’t have his medication on hand.

“Sir, you can put the refill request in, but we don’t have anything on hand at the moment.”

“Can’t- Can’t you send it to another pharmacy, then? One that does have it?” He adjusted Philip on his hip. He’d stopped crying by now, very tired.

The pharmacist agreed to put the order in to a nearby CVS. Alex knew they’d charge out the ass, but he’d just have to make do with what he could get. He thanked her and headed in the direction of the CVS.

* * *

 

He barely got the order in on time, and even then, they wouldn’t release the new inhaler to him without Alex satisfying the balance of what his insurance wouldn’t cover.

It was supposed to be $30 on his part. Alexander couldn’t understand how the hell it came to $130.

He had to go home to get the money. He left Pip with the Washingtons until he could get back, and Martha set Pip down for a nap.

The pharmacy closed by the time Alex got back.

He was lucky he didn’t break his knuckles on the wall he punched on the way home. God knows how much that would have cost.

* * *

 

“Pip? Come on, it’s time for bed.”

“I’m not tired…”

“Yes you are. Come on.” He carried him from the sofa off to bed. He’d let Pip spend the last couple of hours watching  _ Sesame Street _ just to keep him still while Alex took the opportunity to calm down. Teeth brushed, pajamas on, Alex laid him down in his bed. He read him a story and tucked him in. He kissed his head and turned on the nightlight, and returned to his own bed, attention split between his laptop screen and his son.

A message caught his attention.

> **_ABurr:_ ** _ Alexander. I understand what happened earlier. I know you’re just looking out for your son. Even if I’m still bitter about how you addressed it with me, I have to say, your son is good for Theo. Especially with her mother sick now, and her not really understanding any of it, it’s important that she has a good friend that cares about her. I don’t want to burden Philip with our family’s stress. I want to thank him for being such a little gentleman to my daughter. Please let me know how I can do that. _

Alex took a moment to consider it. He was, frankly, exhausted. He went into the bathroom to get changed into his pajamas while he cooled down.

> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ I think you may be able to kill two birds with one stone. With your wife sick, it will be important to keep your house as clean as possible. That involves some serious commitments and efforts, but I know you’ll find it to be worth it. This is how you could thank Pip as well. He cares very much about playing with Theo, and you can help ensure this for him by keeping your home allergen free. _

Alex decided that was enough for tonight, and shut his laptop.

* * *

 

Pip woke up around midnight and coughed all through the night. Alexander didn’t sleep at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is stupidly long and took a lot of work, so please let me know what you think!


	9. Chapter 9

Alex took Philip to the clinic in the morning. He took with them a coloring book, crayons, two of Pip’s chapter books ( _ Holes  _ and  _ Matilda _ ), and his book of word finds. They weren’t leaving until Pip’s prescription could be refilled. And as expected, it took a while.

They arrived five minutes before the clinic opened. Alex nearly broke through the Plexiglass when the door was unlocked one minute late.

Philip read at a first grade level. He could read neither of his favorite books on his own quite yet, but he tried still, and was getting better at it. Pip was sitting in one of the stiff plastic chairs in the waiting room next to a friendly old lady, and he showed her the pictures in  _ Matilda _ , explaining everything that was going on in the story Alex had read to him a few months earlier.

Alex was arguing with the receptionist a few feet away.

* * *

 

Alexander took the opportunity to adjust Pip’s medication schedule: 8, 1, 6. Pip wouldn’t have to wake up so early every day, and Alex could be there for the evening dose without sacrificing his presence for the morning. He wrote a reminder in the front of his word search book to email Eliza about it.

Alex noticed after writing such reminder that he’d referred to her not only by her first name, but a nickname. He stared at it a moment, then returned his attention to his son.

“Pip.” He showed him his watch. “What time is it?”

Pip eagerly checked, grabbing his father’s wrist and twisting it to get a proper look. “12… 12:25!”

Alex smiled and ruffled his hair. “Good job. Your medicine’s on its way, then we’ll get going.”

“Okay, Daddy.” He showed Alex the picture in his coloring book. The elephant was green; the giraffe was a bright pink.

“That looks great, buddy.”

“I broke my pink crayon.”

“Okay. Well, you can still use it, right?”

“Yeah!”

“Awesome.” He sat in the seat next to Philip and pulled him into his lap.

“I miss Theo.”

Alex scribbled another reminder into his book. He needed to check on Aaron’s response to his suggestion. He hoped he’d follow through; Alex was definitely sympathetic to his situation, and didn’t want to burden him with anything, but it would be so much easier for their children to see each other if their house was clean. The nice weather wouldn’t last forever.

* * *

 

“... 7… 8… 9…”

> **_ABurr:_ ** _ Alex, I’ll do my best, but I’m not sure how possible it’s going to be right now. I think we could probably take them to the park next weekend (unless something serious comes up), or I could bring Theo to your house. I’m willing to work with you on however we can maintain their friendship. Theo is very fond of your Philip. I’d never seen her make friends like this. She says hi to Pip, by the way, and says she has something for the next playdate! _

-

> _ Mr. Hamilton, _
> 
> _ Thank you for the update on Philip’s medication schedule. I hope he’s feeling better now. _
> 
> _ Thank you also for providing your availability. Dr. Mendley and I have arranged for the three of us to meet at six on Wednesday —this seems to also be Dr. Mendley’s only availability in the next couple of weeks. I’m looking forward to seeing you there. _
> 
> _ Best, _
> 
> _ Elizabeth Schuyler _

-

> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Alex! Our presentation day got moved up! This Wednesday at 5. Burr’s stopped responding to the group chat! We need your help. Jefferson and Madison might not be able to make it for our time, so Dr. Carter’s suggesting that we do it separately? I guess we’re our only partners in this now. You up for it? _

“Daddy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter update to whet your appetites!  
> Also, if you've made it this far, thank you!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may be projecting my frustration with Wednesdays onto my characters? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

“... 8… 9…”

“Daddy? You look tired.”

Alex laughed softly and rubbed a hand over his face. “Daddy is tired. But I think I just need to get some sleep and I’ll be fine.” Alex pushed Philip’s hair out of his face. “Do you want to stay up a little longer?”

Pip shook his head and wrapped his arms around Alex’s neck. “Wanna sleep in Daddy’s bed tonight.”

Alex smiled softly and kissed his cheek. “Alright. Let’s get ready for bed, then.”

* * *

 

Alex held his son through the night. He felt like a breathing and occasionally kicking teddy bear that Alex would’ve recognized from childhood if he’d ever had one. He was also probably relieving some of his father’s anxiety with his soft presence, but Alexander was far from calm.

There was no way he could do the presentation at five and the meeting at six.

Unless he quite literally ran.

And even then, it wasn’t guaranteed.

But what were his options?

He’d tried:

> _ Dr. Carter, _
> 
> _ I am in doubt that I will be available for my presentation slot on Wednesday at 5. This is very short notice and I have not only work until 4:30 that day, but an appointment at my son’s school at 6. Could I work together with John and yourself to arrange a different time? _
> 
> _ Dr. Mendley, _
> 
> _ I am cc-ing Miss Elizabeth Schuyler, my son Philip’s kindergarten teacher, in this email. I am not sure I will be able to attend a meeting at the date and time you’ve specified. I know you’ve quoted a minimal availability for the next couple of weeks, but I’m wondering whether you’d be able to arrange something else with Miss Schuyler and I. _

And the answer?

A resounding no.

Alexander wasn’t the type to admit defeat.

But right now he was feeling pretty fucked.

* * *

 

> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Hey Alex? Did you get my message? _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ Yeah, sorry. I just haven’t had a chance to respond. _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ I emailed Dr. Carter about it. It looks like we’re stuck with that time or risk failure of the assignment. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Damn. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Well, are you up for it? _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ I don’t have a choice, do I? _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Sure you do! You could just not come? I know you have work and stuff. _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ I’m not going to leave you hanging. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Aw. I appreciate it. But really, don’t feel obligated. _

Of course he felt obligated. He was obligated. He made a commitment to his partners, and most of them were already dropping out of it. He couldn’t leave John to do it alone.

> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ No. I’ll be there. Promise. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Okay. I’ll see you there, then! Keep in touch. I like hearing from you. _

Alex smiled a little and shut his laptop. Pip was asleep. He’d had a long day at school, though he didn’t tell Alex why. He’d been sent home with a notice that Alex hadn’t gotten to look at yet. He brushed his teeth, took his injection, and decided to read the note before he could head off to bed without it.

> _ Mr. Hamilton, _
> 
> _ I’m writing all my students’ parents/guardians to let them know about a special after school program we’ll be offering starting the first week of October. One of the students in our class is hard of hearing, and primarily uses sign language to communicate. In order to facilitate communication between all the students, we’ll be offering 30-minute lessons in ASL to all those students interested. I will be instructing, and we will have lessons every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday afternoon through the first semester, and then twice a week (days to be determined) in the second half of the school year. _
> 
> _ Please return the slip attached indicating interest or non-interest. If your child is going to participate, please make sure that they will be picked up from school at 4 on those days. _
> 
> _ Thank you. _
> 
> _ Elizabeth Schuyler _

Alex immediately checked off that Pip was interested. He didn’t really need to consult him; he knew he would be.

* * *

 

Tuesday passed in a sort of blur. Before Alex even knew it, he was on his way home from work and, about three blocks from his building, he felt the sudden crushing weight of Wednesday’s hectic schedule come down on his shoulders.

Damn backaches. Damn shoulder pains.

Alex got Pip home from the Washingtons’. He didn’t tell Pip that he had planned a playdate at Central Park with Theo and her father. He barely spoke at all that night. Philip followed suit.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah?”

“I drew another picture today.”

“Oh, let me see it?”

Pip showed him the drawing he’d done in class that morning. “Miss Eliza said to draw our families. Some kids drew mommies and daddies. Some just drew mommies. Some drew brothers and sisters. I think I’m the only one who drew only me and my daddy.” He leaned against Alex’s chest. “But Miss Eliza and Miss Millie said they liked my little family.”

“Oh? And what did you say?”

“That I like my little family too.”

Alex kissed his head. He only barely didn’t cry.

* * *

 

When they went to bed, the picture was pinned up on their wall.

* * *

 

Wednesday came too quickly. Alex went through the motions. For the most part. He brought Pip in to school, handed Eliza the permission slip in person, and headed to work.

“I’ll see you this evening, Alexander.”

“I’ll see you tonight, Eliza.”

She didn’t see his blush as he left, and he didn’t see hers, either.

* * *

 

Wednesday couldn’t end soon enough.

* * *

 

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

“911, what is your emergency?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (so many freakin page breaks in this one)  
> This totally could've been grouped with the last chapter, but I wasn't sure how much I was going to finish tonight. I'm already writing Chapter 11, so let's see how soon I can get that out. Please comment! I'd really love to know what you thought of this chapter.


	11. Chapter 11

Alex was, at the moment, none the wiser. 

He felt the buzz of anxiety in his chest as he awaited their time slot. John was there with him, and so was an interpreter contracted by the school. She was a kind but unremarkable young woman, or maybe she came across that way because she didn’t speak a word for herself. Alex wouldn’t admit that he was relying on his new friend’s calm and almost playful demeanor to cool his own nerves.

They weren’t speaking much. Not a whole lot needed to be said.

Alex may have, in the back of his mind, been expecting a phone call at some point that afternoon. Probably his boss (not his boss, rather, his supervisor), ready to chew him out for slipping out of work early. He had a good excuse, at least, an arrangement he couldn’t wiggle his way out of.

Or maybe Eliza, confirming their meeting for that evening. He’d maybe like to have heard from her.

He did, it turned out, but not in the way he was hoping.

“Alexander?”

“Eliza?” He continued to surprise himself by maintaining a first name basis. He didn’t think to wonder when she had started calling him by his own name. Nor did he appreciate the edge of concern in her otherwise calm voice. “What’s going on?”

“Pip is in the hospital—”

Whatever she said from there faded out of Alexander’s consciousness as his stomach dropped into his kneecaps. The rational part of him would tell him to get a grip, to listen to what he needed to hear, needed to understand about what was going on with his son. Maybe that part of him did speak up. But he didn’t hear him, either.

The first thing he’s aware of is a pair of hands shaking him by the shoulders, and, very slowly, Alexander comes to recognize that a pair of worried eyes were watching him. A tight grip rustles his cheap suit as he’s jostled out of his trance.

Vaguely, Alex realized that John was probably saying his name. There was no sound to it, at least none that he was aware of.

“Alex?” someone says, but he’s not sure who. Eliza is still on the phone. Alex returns it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Alexander, did you hear me?” She was calm. Why was she so calm? “Alexander, everything will be alright, but you need to get here now.”

* * *

 

It was on the drive from the campus to the hospital that everything started to sink in, and somehow Alexander found himself wrapped up tight against John’s chest and barely keeping himself from drowning.

Alexander knew drowning.

He knew  —chest tight and pounding, suddenly drenched in sweat— that he wasn’t dying. He’d cheated death too many times for it to take him now. But this was the rational part of him speaking, and Alex still couldn’t hear him.

They were huddled in the backseat, the chauffeur alone up front, the interpreter (Alex would remember later that her name was Wanda) in the back seat with the two of them, compassionately going well outside the scope of her job to go with them.

“It’s alright, Alex. It’s going to be okay.” John was signing over him, apparently unwilling to push Alex off. His arms were loosely wrapped around his friend’s shoulders, gently holding him. “It’s gonna be okay.”

He actually had no clue what was going on. 

Alexander had managed to tell them where he needed to be, but had barely managed to get a word out otherwise. Once Alex could calm his breathing John would try to get more out of him, just to know if it really was going to be okay.

He gave up on saying anything and just held Alex’s head to his chest.

* * *

 

So, what happened?

Eliza explained it to Alexander when he arrived. He didn’t know this was her third time telling him.

The elementary school was in pretty bad shape. Alex wished he could afford a better school for his son. The poor condition of the building did nothing to assuage his anxiety. But Pip was happy there. That’s what mattered right?

A plywood board fell from the ceiling. It landed in the carefully arranged reading area in Miss Schuyler’s classroom. No one had been hurt, but down with it came a cloud of dust.

This is what Alexander would find out later: Eliza, with Millie’s assistance, had to first make sure none of the students had been injured. They’d been scared, but otherwise were unharmed. They’d all been at their desks at the time.

Pip’s desk was pretty close to the fallout zone.

An unfortunate coincidence.

Eliza was the first one to think of the dust cloud.

Eliza had been the one to snatch Pip’s rescue inhaler out of his bookbag.

Eliza had gone to the hospital with the small child to make sure he wasn’t scared while they waited for his father to arrive.

Elizabeth Schuyler, and her quick thinking, might have saved his son’s life. Alexander believed she had.

* * *

 

“Daddy!”

Pip was feeling a bit better by the time Alex arrived: still wheezing, still taking oxygen from a tube, but smiling brightly at the sight of his father.

And Alex couldn’t help but smile back.

He almost collapsed in relief, too.

But he maintained his footing, though with not little help from John standing behind him.

Eliza was sitting next to Philip’s hospital bed, and she smiled at them, too.

And maybe it was the gratitude Alexander felt toward her, but she embodied the grace of an angel sent from Heaven.

Alex sat with his son a while, improvising stories to keep him entertained while they awaited a prognosis. He felt bad, briefly and belatedly, about all but ignoring both his son’s rescuer and his own, but when he looked over at them Eliza and John were engaged in a signed conversation. Alex smiled at them both before returning his attention to Pip, who demanded to know what happened next to the pirates.

Wanda returned to the college. John’s driver waited outside.

* * *

 

The doctor wanted to keep Pip overnight for observation, but if all went well he could go home with Alex in the morning. Alex had no trouble agreeing to that. Later he would worry about whether his insurance would cover it.

Alex called the Washingtons and let them know what was going on, and asked one of them to drop by with some toys or books to keep Pip occupied for his stay. Alex wasn’t sure he could come up with new chapters to the story of the candy pirates all night.

Alexander didn’t realize until almost 9 o’clock just how much time had passed. Pip yawned, exhausted from the long day, and promptly fell asleep before Alex could say good night.

Eliza was still there. John was still there, too.

“You… You can both go home, if you want. I’ve got it covered here.”

(Eliza acted as interpreter for the moment. John would later insist on payment for that; she would refuse.) “I’ll leave if you ask me to, Mr. Hamilton, but I have nowhere I need to be, and you look like you could do with some rest.”

This was well beyond the scope of her work. Medical emergencies apparently brought out the altruism in all sorts of people.

Alex would feel bad asking her to stay, but he didn’t want to ask her to leave.

He just nodded and stood up, gently touching Philip’s head as he stepped out of the room for a breather.

He didn’t realize he’d be followed.

Alex jumped when John tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned to find his friend laughing at his expense. And Alex couldn’t be mad.

The two of them struck off together, wandering the hospital corridors for a few minutes before they found themselves sitting outside, perched on a stone wall lining the outside of the emergency room, two pairs of feet hovering just above the cartoonishly green grass below.

It was quiet in the city tonight.

Alex watched the stars up above, caught the lights of a jet as it passed overhead.

Silence again. Unnatural but not uncomfortable.

Alex looked over at John just as he finished typing into his phone.

“Are you alright?”

Alex laughed softly. He hadn’t cried all night, but now the tears came to his eyes so quickly they threatened to overflow. He tilted his head back and nodded.

“No you’re not.”

* * *

 

Eliza had come up with several excuses to delay her departure, but a call from home pulled her from the hospital earlier than expected. Reluctantly, she agreed to go. “Don’t be afraid to keep Pip out of school as long as he needs. I’ll help you make sure he keeps up as well as he can.” She smiled softly, shyly, at Alexander as she said good night to the remaining two.

John proved harder to get rid of. He’d actually already sent his driver home by the time Alex suggested he leave.

Sitting next to each other, they texted through most of the night.

To the nurse who came in periodically to check on the little patient, it was impossible to tell who had fallen asleep on whose shoulder first.

* * *

 

Alexander Hamilton was an articulate young man; no one could deny him that distinction. But even more so than in speech it was evident in his writing: the chief course of pride in his life second only to Philip.

And struck with the inspiration of others’ kindness, he poured his heart onto the pages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the first chapter with no messaging and/or emails???  
> Next chapter will all be Alex's letters! OooOOoh.  
> Anyone, remember to comment because comments feed my motivation to write!


	12. Chapter 12

_ I was born alongside my son.  _

_ I was perpetually alone in that hospital room, stitched up. A bundle just within arms’ reach, six pounds-two ounces of my reason to live. A sympathetic nurse in the ward brought in a baby-blue balloon with “It’s a Boy” printed on the cheap nylon. The balloon was the only company we had that night. _

_ I still have it. _

_ The nurses asked me incessantly if there was anyone they could call for me, as if my answer would have changed in those forty-eight hours. _

_ Thoroughly exhausted, but I didn’t sleep that night. I watched my tiny son through the darkness, his soft breathing, sleepy squirming. I sat up almost wishing he would start crying, so that a nurse may come and set him in my arms. I could soothe him. My son. _

_ I filled out his birth certificate alone. I remember I was still sore in the abdomen as I hunched over the paperwork. _

_ PHILIP HAMILTON _

_ January 22nd, 2013, 10:34 PM _

_ Black hair  _ _ — Brown eyes _

_ 6 lbs 2 oz — 18 in _

_ And, I would’ve liked to add, “The Only Proof of a Loving God.” _

_ I gave him no middle name. I could not fathom there being another Philip in this world. _

_ I scratched a line through ‘mother.’ There was only a father in his life, one Alexander Hamilton. I initiated the name change process a week after I brought him home. _

_ There wasn’t much to bring him home to. The apartment was cramped, no bedroom, a closet-sized bathroom. _

_ I had no money, worked minimum wage just to stay in this awful place. _

_ I didn’t own a crib. _

_ I endured a panic attack that night, feeling I deserved it, not knowing whether someone would recognize me as an unfit parent and take my darling son away. _

_ It would be the first time in more than a year that I would reach out to my former foster parents. They had not known I would be a father until I called them, crying, lamenting the life I could not afford to give my newborn son. George and Martha Washington were my first saviors. I had known from the time they took me in at fourteen that they loved me, but it had never been more apparent than when they gifted me with a crib and $3,000.  _

_ I’d reluctantly accepted their generosity. It had been a permanent bruise to my pride, but I never had any doubt that it would be worth it for my son. _

_ I knew from the moment he came into this world that I would die for him a thousand times over. I could handle some damage to my ego. _

_ But the fear that I would be outed as an inadequate father has never been assauged. Even as I picked myself up and got myself together, with help from the Washingtons; even as I ascended the ranks at work for some marginally better pay but notably better security and benefits; even as everyone would say what a happy child my Pip seemed to be  _ _ —I’ve always been terrified about losing the one source of pure joy I’ve ever had in this world. I’ve done everything I could to keep him with me, but it always felt like it wasn’t enough. _

_ And, in at least one case, it wasn’t. _

_ The doctors told me his pneumonia didn’t cause his asthma, but otherwise it was by some terrible coincidence that the two came about at the same time. _

_ I hadn’t known that there was mold in our apartment. And my toddler paid the price for it. _

_ I spent those three weeks he was in the hospital praying that he would recover soon, and trying to mentally prepare myself for when he would be taken away for my negligence. I started compiling a list of what his foster parents would need to know about him. That list was quickly ruined by my tears. _

_ He wasn’t taken from me. I held him all that first night back home. _

_ My Pip was bedridden for two weeks upon returning home, still running a mild fever and still coughing up mucus. By the time it was over I had been out of work for five weeks. Needless to say, I did not have a job when I was ready to return. _

_ It wasn’t the end for us, though. My son had just shown greater resilience than I had witnessed in my whole life, and I determined that I would press on, that I would do whatever it took to take care of my child. _

_ It was he and I against the world. _

_ We had some help. _

_ George helped me get into a two-year school. Martha found me a fine-paying job with an employer who was sympathetic to my situation. She was a single mother. Between parenthood, school, and work, I was somehow able to earn certification as a paralegal within eighteen months. _

_ And that’s around when you came into my life. _

 

_ I am telling you this, John, Eliza, because I have perhaps prematurely come to feel an uncharacteristic trust in you. I have never told anyone any of this  _ _ —Martha and George Washington only know because I had no choice but to pull them back into my life.  _

_ You, however, I have decided to let in. _

_ I’m convinced that some of this I haven’t even processed until I’ve written it down just now. _

 

_ I write this as a deliberate display of vulnerability, one I hope will somehow endear me to you as you have enraptured me with your intelligence, your kindness, your patience. Last night you showed me and my son care and compassion in a way I have seen in no one but the Washingtons, whom I privately consider my mother and father. _

_ Eliza, I firmly believe you saved Philip’s life. In such a state as you described him to me (a horrid image, but one I have become unfortunately familiar with), he wouldn’t have been able to retrieve and use his inhaler without your quick-thinking, guidance, and unrelenting willingness to help him through it. Your commitment to my child rivals only my own and the Washingtons (whom call him their grandson, even if I selfishly do not encourage him to reciprocate). You have acted well beyond the requirements of your position by riding with him to the hospital, staying by his side, not leaving him even after I had arrived for concern about his well-being. I hesitantly lament your absence the rest of the night; though I knew you needed and deserved rest and respite from the hospital room, I appreciated your company in more than a professional capacity. _

_ John, I am loathe to remind you that the presentation we were due to conduct was worth 15% of our total grade for the course. You were under no obligation, except perhaps that of your own altruistic moral compass, to accompany me to the hospital. I would now feel guilty seeking excuse for the emergency if you cannot be awarded the same leniency. I have never had a friend before, let alone one like yourself. I find comfort in your mere presence like in little else. _

_ I am aware that my relationships with both of you are still very young, and that my approach here might be overwhelming. I apologize for any discomfort, but I bear my soul in hopes that I may get to know you better in turn. I would like to arrange more frequent and more personal appointments. _

_ Yours dearly, _

_ Alexander _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ever try to write like someone who's a much better writer than you???


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to add more to this chapter, but I have to get some work done, and wanted to make sure I posted!

Alex was excused from the aborted presentation due to the emergency. Alex didn’t know whether John had received the same accommodation, but if he hadn’t  — and he hadn’t — he never said anything about it.

> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ So we ours went like shit. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ Burr stood us up _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ When was yours? _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ thursday morning. around 8 am _
> 
> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ Was it just because Burr wasn’t there that it went poorly? _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ No, we don’t really need him. I just wanted to highlight his flakiness. No, it sucked because the projector wasn’t working, and then the power went out. _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ it was so dark in there. we couldn’t see anything. _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Oh so I couldn’t have really joined you, ha. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ The hell? Didn’t you and Hamilton do yours on Wednesday? _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Ah, no, something came up. _
> 
> **_JMadison:_ ** _ what was possibly more important? _

It was Friday morning, and Alexander was watching the active chat while Pip ate his breakfast. He stiffened slightly at the mention of Wednesday’s incident, but he was coming to be less affected as the attack became more distant and Philip was feeling better.

He waited for John to mention what happened, but he didn’t seem to be answering.

> **_AHamilton:_ ** _ My son had an asthma attack at school and was taken to the hospital. I got the call from his teacher two hours before we were due to present, but we weren’t able to get back in time. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ We? _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Yeah, I went with him. _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ k…. Why?? _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ Because I’m a good friend, Thomas? I don’t suck as a person? _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ mlm _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHA _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ What the fuck?? _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO SAY THERE? _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ It’s a middle finger, jackass! _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ OMG, you really need to start using emojis or something because like do you know what MLM means?? _
> 
> **_TJefferson:_ ** _ What the fuck, why should I? _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ OMfg I thought you were calling me gay you oblivious shit _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ And I was like yeah??? I am, so?? _
> 
> **_JLaurens:_ ** _ XDD _

Alex felt his cheeks heat up to his ears, eyes wide on the text onscreen.

He didn’t know John was gay.

That was… definitely interesting.

… Alex was starting to realize he learns everything about John by surprise.

“Daddy?”

Alex smiled over at his son. “You done, baby?” Pip nodded. “Alright. Put your bowl in the sink, okay?”

Pip shuffled into the kitchen. He waited until he came back to continue the conversation; he wasn’t feeling well enough to shout from the kitchen, despite the short distance. “Are we going to school today?”

“Yeah, we’ll stop by there for a little bit, and then we’re going to come back home, alright? We’re going for lunch down the hall at the Washingtons’.”

Pip sat back in his chair. “Daddy? Are we gonna see Theo tomorrow?”

Alex smiled and mulled the thought over in his head. It was supposed to be sunny tomorrow; the air quality was looking good; the fresh air would do Pip some good. He might not be able to run around and play like he had the day he’d met Theo, but Alex didn’t want to deny the best friends their time together.

“I’ll talk to her father about it. If we do, I think we’re going to the park.”

Pip bounced a little, excited.

Alex’s alarm went off. Eight o’clock.

“Pip, go get your inhaler.” He had a temporary new prescription. Two weeks’ worth cost Alex almost $250 out of pocket. He kept the receipt in case he could get that reimbursed.

Pip inhaled the mist and Alex watched as he counted down on his fingers. “Good job, Pip. Come on, go get dressed.”

Philip went to get himself dressed (a t-shirt and shorts were easy enough for him to get on without help), and Alex went into the bathroom with his own outfit for the day. It wasn’t until he had his pajama shirt off that he noticed the bruising on his chest.

“Damn…” he mumbled, gently prodding the tender bluish splotches. Alexander had forgotten until Thursday morning that, in the chaos of Wednesday night, he had slept in his binder, and that was a big mistake. Alex was lucky he didn’t experience more serious side effects from that.

Alex breathed as deeply as he could while he got back into it.

“Daddy! I’m ready!”

“Okay, Pip. You’re all dressed?”

“Yes, Daddy!”

“Alright, let me finish getting dressed and we’ll brush your hair — ”

“Nooooooooo…!” His voice faded just a bit as Pip hid somewhere in the house. Alex laughed but he heard it followed up by coughing.

Alex got dressed in a dark red button-up, tucking the hem into his tan slacks. He was going to see Eliza at the school and he didn’t want to look all frumpy, even if he was feeling pretty frumpy today.

Pip came knocking on the door, and Alex let him in. “You ready?” He wielded the hairbrush and squatted down to Pip’s level.

“Okay…”

Alexander smiled at him, eyes sympathetic. “Pip, I know you don’t like it when I have to pull the knots out of your hair, but if you don’t want knots, we’ll have to cut your hair much shorter. Do you want to go get a haircut today?”

“No…” He put his hands on his head (his hair) protectively.

“Okay, so we’ll have to brush the knots out. I’ll be gentle with it. Do you need something to distract you?”

“Yes…”

“Okay.” Alexander put some music to play on his phone, something that Philip would enjoy listening to but wouldn’t make him bop too much.

Pip let out one last whine as the brushing was finally over. Alex picked him up to see himself in the mirror, and Pip’s face took on a very satisfied grin at how soft and fluffy his hair was. “Oh! Daddy?”

“What’s up, buddy?”

“Can I put your hair in pigtails?”

Alex grinned laughed and set him down. “Why do you want to put my hair in pigtails?”

“Because I think it’d look nice…” He reached up for Alexander’s hair, and Alex knelt down to let him touch his hair. “Daddy’s hair isn’t as curly or fluffy, but it can still be pretty.”

“Aw, I’m flattered that you think my hair would be pretty. And… yes, you can put my hair in pigtails.”

He wouldn’t look very dignified, but it’d make Pip smile.

 

Pip wasn’t going back to school until Monday, but he wanted to bring him in just for a bit so his classmates weren’t worried about him over the weekend. Alexander pinned the letter to Eliza on Pip’s backpack. It probably wasn’t the best way to transport such a personal document, but it reminded Alexander of the day they’d met, and he hoped it would have the same effect on Eliza.

He’d arranged the visit with Eliza in advance, not wanting to interrupt her lesson. She seemed excited when he spoke to her on the phone.

Pip was excited, too, but moving a little too quickly down the sidewalk, he got winded quickly. Fortunately the trek to the school was mostly by bus, so Pip had time to recover and too little time to wear himself out before they got to the school.

 

Pip was crying as Millie handed him the balloon. It said “Get Well Soon” on it, his name written at the bottom in marker. Alex picked him up and held him against his chest, grinning widely as he rubbed his back. “Aw, Pip… What do you say?”

“Th-Thank you, Miss Millie!” the boy sobbed. “You’re — You’re so nice!”

Millie laughed and patted his shoulder. “Your classmates have a surprise for you, too.”

“Would you like to take a break, Pip?” Eliza interjected from her place leaning against her desk. The children were all but buzzing in their seats. On Eliza’s desk was a basket full of twenty-four construction paper cards, covered in marker and glitter and stickers.

Pip shook his head and, still crying but smiling at the same time, he started squirming to be put down. Alex chuckled and set him down to see all his friends. Eliza was the one to hand him the basket. All the other students crowded around as Pip went through all the cards they wrote to him.

Eliza smiled brightly and moved closer to Alexander. “It was Millie’s idea. When Pip went to the hospital, the school counselor had to come in to talk to the students and help them process what happened. In the morning they were still pretty anxious, so we let them make ‘get well soon’ cards for him.”

“The balloon is from me, though,” Millie added, smiling.

Alex felt his chest swell.

He went to take the letter off of Pip’s backpack. Pip was thoroughly distracted.

Alexander returned to the classroom teacher. “Eliza? Could I have a moment of your time?”

She nodded and let Millie manage the classroom while she stepped just out into the hallway.

Alexander felt a rush of anxiety, crinkling up the papers, hands shaking.

“Alexander?”

“Yes. I wrote this for you. I was hoping you’d read it.”

Eliza smiled softly and took the letter from him. “Do you want me to read it with you here?”

Without thinking, Alex answered ‘yes.’

She did.

And by the end, she was crying. Not dramatically, but noticeably. Alex felt a bit bad until she pulled him into a hug.

“Thank you… for sharing this with me. And… I would like to see you more often. Outside of school.” ‘As a friend’ was left hanging in the air. Alex didn’t dare hope for more, even if a small part of him longed for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've done away with the page breaks bc I hate them  
> Hope you liked!   
> Up next: back to my boy!


	14. Chapter 14

Saturday was shaping up to be a more eventful but pleasant day for Alex and Philip. Aaron had confirmed that he could bring Theo to the park, and then Alex was bringing Pip with him to hang out at John’s place (where he would also be giving him the letter). He had already made sure Pip understood that it would be a short playdate, only from around noon to two. Pip seemed to understand and agreed, given that Alexander made it clear that the alternative would be that they wouldn’t go to the park at all.

“We’re not stopping in any stores on the way, Philip.” They started getting ready at about nine. “We want to get to the park soon, right?”

“Right!”

Alex smiled and kissed his head. “Hair down?”

“Hair down!”

“Alright. You excited to play with Theo?”

“Yeah!”

“You excited to meet Daddy’s friends?”

“Who are they?”

“Remember when you were in the hospital on Wednesday? My friend John came with me. You saw him there with me.”

“Oh! That’s Daddy’s new friend?”

“Yes. And we’re going to his place, and he’s inviting a few other friends over. How does that sound?”

“Will there be any kids there?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.”

 

They found Aaron and Theo on a bench near the playground, the location of their first chance meeting. Theo was holding a stuffed bunny to her chest, and when she saw Philip she squealed and hopped off the bench to rush over. They hugged tight with the bunny between them.

“Pip, Pip! I got this for you!” She held the stuffed animal with the floppy ears out in front of her, grinning ear to ear. Alex saw Aaron out of the corner of his eye, watching and smiling fondly at his daughter.

Pip hugged it tight. “Thank you, Theo, thank you!” He hugged her again, holding on for a long moment before turning to his father. “Daddy! Can you watch him for me while we play?”

“Yeah, go on, buddy, I’ll keep an eye on the bunny.” He took the toy and watched them immediately run off onto the playground. He laughed and sat down next to Aaron, holding the bunny on his lap. “How’re you doing, Aaron?”

Aaron forced a small smile. “I’m doing alright, I guess. As well as I can. I… had to drop our class. It’s one I could make up later, and right now I need all the time I can get.”

Alex nodded slowly. “Did you tell the rest of the group?”

“I will. It’s just… so much to process right now. I’m trying to deal with one thing at a time. Or at least as few things as I can at a time.” He watched Theo carefully as she played on the playground. “I’ve been keeping up with the group chat. Pip was in the hospital?”

“Yeah… He had an asthma attack at school. He stayed Wednesday into Thursday morning. He’s still feeling a little sick, I don’t think he’ll be running around for long.” Alex was tracking him closely. Pip would be needing his medicine soon. He was already slowing down. Theo had no trouble slowing down with him. “I remember you saying that Pip is good for Theo right now. I think she’s definitely good for him too. She makes him happy.”

“I’m glad…” Aaron hung his head, leaning heavily over his knees. “Her mom’s home from the hospital, but she can’t go back to work right now. So I’m looking for work.”

“I can put in a good word for you at my firm.”

“I’d appreciate that.”

They sat in silence for a little bit before Alex was struck with inspiration. “Hey, Aaron, watch the kids for a minute.” One of them had an eye on the two at all times, and Alex needed to send a text message.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Hey John? I need to make a request of you for today’s hangout. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah, sure! What’s up? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’m with Aaron Burr right now. Our children are friends. He’s in a rough place right now and I thought he might benefit from a good time. Would you be alright if I invite him, with or without his little girl? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Oh yeah, have him drop by. It should be fun! I’ve got my girl with me too this weekend so all the kids could have fun together. _

Alex stared at the message for a full minute.

“Alex, are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Your girl? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ My daughter :) She’s a little older than Pip or Theo, but I think they’ll all have fun. Pip’s coming, right? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Alex you really didn’t read that intro post, did you? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ … I’ve been meaning to. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ XD _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Okay, you dork. Ask Aaron to join us. Tell him Herc and Laf will be here, too. He can make a more informed decision that way, ha! _

Alex did just that, invited Aaron to join them. Aaron seemed hesitant. “I… I shouldn’t leave my wife home all alone.”

“Do you want to talk with her first? Before you make a decision?”

He hesitated again, but nodded. He pulled out his phone and talked with his wife while Alex watched the kids.

Alex’s alarm went off and he called Pip over to use his inhaler. Pip was a little ruddy and panting but smiling widely. Alex rubbed his back as Pip used his inhaler all by himself. It took two tries to get it properly. Theo watched curiously.

“Pip, why don’t you take a break, buddy?”

“I’m not tired, Daddy. I’m okay.”

“Just five minutes. Here, you two sit on the grass and play. You want your bunny?”

Pip nodded and took his new stuffed animal from his father. “His name’s Floppy.”

“Oh, is it?”

“Yeah!” The children settled on the grass and played with the bunny and the teddy bear Pip had bought Theo the week before.

Aaron hung up. “Theodosia’s calling her sister over to keep her company. She insisted we go with you.”

Alex grinned and patted his friend on the shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had bigger plans for this chapter, but I'm expecting the scene at John's place to get pretty long, and I'm about to head to bed, ha! So this chapter is a little shorter, but this is a TRIPLE update day??  
> I also... am kind of frustrated with how many "reveal moments" I've given John already.  
> Leave some comments! Hey, if you need something to comment on, what do you think is gonna happen in the next chapter? ;D


	15. Chapter 15

“Theo! Don’t step on the cracks!”

Theo stared at Pip curiously as the foursome walked along the sidewalk. Her light-up Barbie sneaker was set firmly down on a crack in the concrete. “Huh? Why not?”

“You step on the crack you break your mama’s back!”

They were about ten minutes late because that’s how long it took to console Theo after that. Pip was crying and apologizing profusely for upsetting her; Alex carried him until he calmed down.

 

“DON’T KNOCK,” said the sign on the door. “PLEASE PRESS BUZZER.”

“Daddy, can I press it?”

Alex nodded and picked his son up so Pip could press the little button on the side of the door. Alex followed the wire from the device to where it travelled up and over the white slab.

He was spooked out of his concentration when an unfamiliar face opened the door.

“Oh, hello! You must be John’s new friends. Come on in.”

They followed the man inside. There was music coming from somewhere, but it was just muffled enough that Alex couldn’t make out what it was besides something quite heavy.

Alex was the only one in a position to notice that John’s apartment was a near perfect combination of the size of Aaron’s apartment with the layout of his own, but lacking both home’s clarity that there was a child living there. Alex remembered that John mentioned he had his daughter with her this weekend; she must have been with her other parent the rest of the time.

Alex pulled his stomach back up from a sudden drop. Partial custody said nothing about what his friend was like as a father, nor how much he loved his kid. This didn’t have to put a strain on their relationship. But Alex did find himself pulling Pip in closer.

“I’m Gilbert, by the way,” said the smiling man who’d greeted them at the door and was now taking them on a vague tour of the space. He could gesture to every room in the apartment from where he stood in the middle of the living room. “But you can call me Laf.”

“Nice to meet you, Laf,” Aaron responded, adjusting Theo on his hip. She squirmed and he set her down. Theo grabbed onto Pip’s arm. 

Alex came out of his trance-like state just in time to smile along.

“So, what are your names? And what about you, little ones?”

The children jumped in with an introduction first, followed by their fathers.

“Glad you could join us. Herc  —you both know Herc, right?— Well, he went to pick up some more snacks, and—”

“We don’t need more snacks! We’re cooking in here!”

A young girl (young, but much older than Pip and Theo) came running out of what Alex had just learned was the kitchen. She threw herself at the back of the sofa but didn’t come around it. “Papa’s teaching me how to make empanadas and they’re gonna be good! If you guys fill up on snacks—” She cut herself off as she noticed the four new arrivals. “Oh, who are you?”

They ran through introductions again. Laf introduced the girl as Frances, John’s daughter, but she introduced herself as Cece.

“I like your bunny,” Cece offered, pointing at Floppy in Pip’s arms. “I have one like it at my mom’s house.”

Pip smiled and hid his face in the back of the bunny’s head.

“Hold on, I’ll be right back.” Cece hurried back into the kitchen, but emerged a minute later with John as he was taking off his headphones. The music was no longer muffled, actually now quite loud for coming from such tiny equipment. Alex smiled as his friend hugged him in greeting, and he came to hug back just before John let go. Alex watched with some hot feeling as he did the same with Aaron, but noticed how loose it was, and how Aaron didn’t really reciprocate. That made him feel… better.

John had a brief conversation with his daughter; she only answered in head movements and the occasional shrug. It finished when Cece spoke to Pip and Theo: “Come on, we’ll go play in my room.” She grabbed Theo’s hand and led them both to one of the two bedrooms.

Alex watched them go off, attention only drawn away by his buzzing phone.

> **_John:_ ** _ So Herc’s not back yet and Laf doesn’t sign, so you and Aaron bug him while we wait! ;D I’ll be in the kitchen, send Herc my way when he gets back. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Okay. You’re making food? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah, you hungry? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ No, not especially. Pip is allergic to peanuts and other tree nuts, so I have to check everything he eats. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Oh! I don’t think there’s anything he can’t have in what I’m making, but you can come in and check if you want! _

Alex nodded over at him and followed John back into the kitchen. Every ingredient John used was scrutinized by Alex, who had by now memorized any suspicious additives that may be found on the back of the packaging. He hadn’t found anything by the time there was a wooden spoon in front of his face. Whatever was in the little concave spelled delicious. Alex caught on and tasted it, nodding as the flavor was more than satisfactory. He received a large smile in return.

The corners of Alex’s letter were sticking into his thigh through his pocket. He’d have to find a moment to bring it up, hopefully when the others weren’t around.

“Hey, I’m back! I’ve got chips!”

Herc came into the kitchen to drop off the snacks, but even though the kitchen was larger than Alex’s own, all three of them in there was pretty cramped, especially as John continued to move around as if unobstructed. Alex huddled himself into the corner.

Herc tried so sneak some food off a plate next to the stove. John smacked his hand away without missing a beat, and Herc removed himself to the living room.

Alex decided to see what the others were doing.

Aaron, Laf, and Herc were lounging on the sofas (Aaron more stiffly than the others) and engaged in light conversation. Alex slotted himself into it, but didn’t follow along very well. He noticed the muffled music resumed.

Alex moved toward the bedrooms to check on the children.

Cece had a large dollhouse that Alex could only imagine stayed here, rather than the ridiculous image of lugging it between her parents’ homes. The house was open and all three children were playing with delicate figures inside. Cece was telling Pip and Theo what the dolls were doing, and the smaller children followed along, giggling. Alex watched fondly from the doorway before his son noticed him there.

“Daddy! Look!” Pip scurried over and showed him a little wooden figurine. “This one’s me. He has my eyes.”

“Aw, but not your hair.” Alex patted the top of his head. “You having fun?”

“Yes! Cece’s predicting our future!”

“Oh, is she? And what are you predicting, Cece?”

The girl thought for a moment. “Theo’s gonna be a veterinarian. And Pip’s gonna write a book.”

“Well, that sounds like a good future!”

“Is dinner ready?”

“No, I don’t think so. You should go ask your dad, though.”

She hurried out of the room to check whether dinner was ready, and coincidentally, she was right on time.

 

The men ate in the living room, watching some trashy reality TV show, while the kids ate at the dinner table.

“Barbara should’ve broken up with him months ago,” Laf mumbled, setting his plate down on the coffee table. Aaron was picking at his food, and Alex caught him looking around to see if he could pass it off to anyone. Herc was shushing anyone who dared make a noise, engulfed in the drama onscreen. Alex, entirely unfamiliar with this program, might not have been able to follow along past the two-minute mark if not for the subtitles.

Alex watched John shove fifty dollars into Herc’s hand before signing something to him. Herc slipped the bill into his pocket. “Alex, Aaron, are you enjoying yourselves?”

“Oh, yes, it’s nice. Very… relaxing.” Alex averted his eyes slightly as Aaron added on.

“Thanks for inviting us.”

John smiled. “The kids look like they’re having fun.”

Alex glanced over at the table behind them. All three had given up on eating and were playing with their food. Alex winced, hoping no one would be upset with that. Pip’s hands were covered. When none of his new friends seemed put off by it, he decided to let it slide. “How old is Cece?”

“Nine! She just started fourth grade up in Danbury.”

Alex was surprised by this. “And… John, how old are you?”

“Twenty-five.”

Alex nodded slowly. The mental math was easy.

Pip climbed down from his chair and moved over to Alex, flopping down on his legs, much to the amusement of the rest of the group. Alex maneuvered him to sit properly in his lap. “What’s up, buddy?”

“Daddy, Cece wants us to sleep over!”

“Oh yeah? Do you want to?”

“Yeah!”

“Well, it’s not up to me…” Alex smiled a little; this would be his son’s first sleepover. He pointed John out to Pip. “Why don’t you ask Cece’s dad?”

“Mr. Cece’s dad, can I sleep over please?” He dragged out the last word as if a longer ‘please’ would be more effective. 

John only barely glanced away from Pip as Herc signed the request to him. “Of course, buddy. As long as it’s okay with your dad.”

Alex nodded and kissed his son’s head. “Alright. But we have to leave in the morning to get home and clean, right?”

“Right!” Pip hugged Alex tight around his neck, and Alex smiled and hugged him back before letting him go back to his friends.

 

Alex hadn’t really thought it through, but it was too late to go back on it now.

By the children’s bedtime it was just the four of them in the house. Aaron had declined to stay over with Theo in order to get home to his wife; Herc and Laf had each gone home with the promise that they’d all get together again soon.

And Alex had forgotten that he couldn’t sleep in his jeans. Button-up, sure, but not his jeans. And definitely not his binder.

> **_John:_ ** _ How do you feel about letting the kids watch Disney movies until they fall asleep? _

Alex glanced over next to him to find John barely suppressing a smile. Alex didn’t try to hide his own.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ I don’t have a problem with it, but I don’t think Pip will be long before he’s out. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Cece won’t either, but she’s been waiting to watch Moana. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Oh, Pip loves that movie. It’s a favorite at our house. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Perfect! I’ll set it up for them. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Oh, but if they’re watching the movie they’ll probably fall asleep on the couch. I’d rather not disturb them once they’re sleeping. You don’t mind sharing a bed, do you? _

Alex blanched, staring at the screen in a way he hoped John wouldn’t catch. But Alex was surprised to find that he wasn’t embarrassed by the idea; he was excited.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ No, I don’t mind at all. _

 

Alex changed out of his clothes and binder and into a set of pajamas John lent him. Alex tried to imagine that was the smell of laundry detergent on the t-shirt and not cologne.

He was still getting changed in the bathroom when he received another text from John.

> **_John:_ ** _ Hey Alex, do you usually sleep without a shirt on? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ No, I share a room with Pip, and I don’t need to be encouraging him to not wear clothes around the house. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’d like to. The binder makes my chest sore and shirts can be itchy. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Do you want to go shirtless tonight? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Can you guarantee the kids won’t see me? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Haha, I guess not. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Thanks for the offer, though. _

Alex finished getting dressed and headed out into the living room. The children were thoroughly engrossed in the movie. “No spoilers, right, Pip?”

“I’ve seen it before, Mr. Pip’s dad.”

“Alright. You kids have fun, alright? Don’t stay up too late. John and I will be in his room if you need us.”

Cece stared at him, gaze unwavering for a long moment. “Okay,” she answered flatly before returning her attention to the TV.

“Pip, give Daddy a kiss good night.”

Pip hopped up from under the blanket and Alex picked him up so Pip could kiss him on the cheek. He returned the gesture twiceover and set him back down. “Good night, Pip.”

“Night, Daddy!”

 

Alex brought the letter into the bedroom. He found John sitting on the edge of the bed, phone in hand, shirtless. Alex tried not to look lest he turn noticeably red. “Um, John.” He knew he couldn’t hear him, but the movement might get his attention out of the corner of his friend’s eyes.

John looked up at him, and without another word, Alex handed him the letter.

John read it carefully, but each moment Alex was growing more and more anxious. Eliza had reacted well, but he couldn’t rely on that for how John would feel about it.

Alex, at most, expected a hug. A comforting embrace to relieve his nerves.

He definitely wasn’t expecting his hand to be taken in John’s own, squeezed lightly as John finished reading. He gave one more squeeze before grabbing his phone back up. Alex’s hand automatically moved to grab his own.

> **_John:_ ** _ You want to get to know me better. How? _

Alex paused at that. He wasn’t even sure he was understanding this correctly. That was primary detriment to written communication; it was so difficult for tone to come across on the page or, in their case, on the screen. But the initial reaction was telling, telling Alex that he reciprocated that desire to at least some degree.

Alex wasn’t exactly clear on what he wanted anymore.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Any ideas? _

Alex had expected… well, rejection. Then maybe he expected a friendly hug. He hadn’t expected a hand wrapped tight around his own.

And the last thing Alex could’ve imagined that night was John’s lips on his own.

(Not that he objected.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D


	16. Chapter 16

Alex eagerly took the lead.

They couldn’t go too far, weren’t even sure if they wanted to. Both knowing that the children could wake up and walk in on them at any moment, things remained pretty sexless.

But if the kids did walk in, neither would recognize that Alexander’s tongue was behind John’s teeth.

 

“Daddy?”

Alex groaned and rolled over, finding Pip standing next to the bed. “Mm… Morning, Pip. Sleep well?”

He nodded. “Daddy, it’s time for medicine.”

Alex checked the time with a rush of anxiety, afraid that he’d slept too late, that he would neglect his son’s schedule. But it was only just 8 in the morning. He’d come close, but Pip had been very responsible in keeping track for himself, and Alex would assure this didn’t happen again. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Okay, buddy. Thank you for coming and waking me up. I’m proud of you, you did very well reminding me.”

He stood and ruffled his son’s hair on the way to the bathroom, Pip at his heels. Philip’s inhaler was on the counter in the bathroom, having been transferred from Alex’s jeans pocket.

“I’m gonna count on my fingers for you, but you follow along in your head.” They were still making progress toward Pip taking his medicine all on his own. Pip nodded, and they carried out the agreed-upon process. Pip left his breath out at eight seconds, and Alex told him so. “I think we should try again, but we can just do five seconds, alright?”

Pip nodded, puffing slightly. Alex winced and counted for him again. Pip made it to five seconds before letting it out in a hard sigh.

“Pip?” 

Cece was watching from the open doorway. Over her shoulder Alex could see into the bedroom where he had spent the night with John. John was still asleep.

“Good morning, Cece!”

“Are you hungry? I’ll make waffles.”

“Yeah! Waffles, Daddy!”

Alex smiled with some hesitation and ran a hand over Philip’s hair as he bounced on his heels. “Okay. I’m gonna have to check the ingredients first, but if everything’s fine then we’ll help Cece make the waffles.”

Pip was already pulling Alex toward the kitchen.

The three made breakfast together. Waffles with butter and syrup. Cece and Pip stuck them in the waffle; Alex supervised and made sure they neither burned nor electrocuted themselves. Breakfast was had around the table.

“Cece? Do you think your dad would like some waffles?”

She just shrugged and stuck a piece into her mouth.

“Maybe we could wake him up and ask him.”

“Nah.”

“Oh? Why not?”

“I don’t wanna.”

“... Okay. I’ll go wake him up, then.”

“You don’t sign, do you?”

Alex was taken aback by the question. “Um… No, I don’t.”

“So you’re gonna need me.”

“Cece, he and I were talking all night. It helps that we can text each other.”

She just shrugged again and returned to her food. Alex went to the bedroom and…

Alex had never been able to sleep on his stomach, but that didn’t seem to be an issue for John. He was sprawled out on the sheets, the blanket down on his hips, the sunshine slitting through the blinds falling over his back. Alex could almost count the freckles from the doorway. His face was all but buried in his mussed hair, only a small sliver of cheek visible.

Alex smiled warmly, approached, and kissed that sliver of cheek.

It was enough to wake him up. Alex would have to keep in mind that John was a light sleeper.

John turned onto his side and smiled sleepily up at Alex.

Alex pointed at his own mouth. “Can you read my lips?”

John hesitated, but shook his head.

Dammit. Alex pointed out the door. John yawned and slowly got up out of bed, and followed Alex out.

Cece returned to her bedroom just as they came in. John patted her on the head as she passed, but it only seemed to make her move faster out of the room. The door closed with a loud slam. Pip waved at them, mouth full and sticky. John grinned and waved back at him, and moved into the kitchen to make his own breakfast. 

Alex sat back down with Pip. “Okay, Pip. We’re gonna leave soon, alright? If you made any mess, I want you to clean it up now, okay?”

“Got it!” Pip went to set his dishes in the sink. Alex watched John pick him up to set them more carefully in the sink. He smiled.

 

Alex and Pip were just about ready to head out. Cece wouldn’t come out of her room to say goodbye.

> **_John:_ ** _ Sorry about that. I’ll have to find out what she’s upset about it later, but I think she needs some time to herself right now. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ It’s no problem. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Um… We’ll need to talk about last night, won’t we? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah. It can wait until you get home if you want. I know you have to get going. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Alright. I’ll see you soon? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah. Soon. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter update tonight, because I didn't have much planned for this chapter, but still wanted to get something out!  
> Good news is that, 25,000 words into this fic, I finally have a plot in mind!


	17. Chapter 17

Alex made Pip some popcorn and let him watch  _ The Little Mermaid _ while he did the thorough cleaning of the apartment. He was reluctant after Wednesday’s attack, knowing that the cleaning would bring up dust and other particles into the air that would irritate Pip’s airway. But his son begged and pleaded, complaining that there was nothing fun to do in the bedroom. “It’s too loud to read, Daddy!”

Alex sighed and eventually relented. He just had to keep a careful eye on Pip, and every once in a while he’d check in on him. “Pip? You feeling okay, buddy?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“You let me know if you have trouble breathing or if your chest feels tight, alright?”

“Yes.” He watched the colorful fish dance around the screen, munching on his snack.

“Where’s your rescue inhaler?” It was the one that Alex would draw a golden star onto, so that Pip didn’t mistake the two that otherwise looked very similar.

“In my bag, Daddy.”

“Could you go get it for me?”

“I’m watching the movie,” the boy whined, shoulders slumping.

“Hey. I’ll turn it off if I don’t know you’re gonna be safe.”

Pip whined louder and went to his bookbag to grab his inhaler.

“Philip. You’ve been very grumpy about your medicine lately. What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Daddy…”

“I believe I’ve asked you this before. I asked you to think about it. Did you?”

“No…”

“Okay, could you think about it now? We can talk after I’m done, but I want to understand why you’re feeling this way.”

Pip bit down on his thumb and sunk deep into the sofa.

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex? Alex, did you get home alright? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Hey, sorry, John. I had to clean the apartment. Pip’s down for a nap. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ He’s still doing alright? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Yeah. He’s going to the doctor on Wednesday to see what kind of progress he’s making. He’s still getting easily winded but generally he’s doing alright. I’m just keeping a careful eye out. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ That’s good. He’s a sweet kid. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ The sweetest. I’m so proud of him, every day. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ :) _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Cece won’t talk to me yet, but I’m just gonna leave it alone for now. If I push her on it she’ll probably just resist it more. I just hope she feels okay to talk to me about what’s bothering her before she goes home tomorrow. I won’t be seeing her for a few weeks. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ You don’t have her every weekend? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ No. Not really. The schedule isn’t very consistent. Sometimes I think her mom only tells her the day before she’s coming here. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Oh no. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ We’re trying to work it out, but Maddie and I… don’t get along. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I won’t pry. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I wouldn’t mind if you did. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Do you want to talk about it? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah. Just maybe not right now. I wanted to talk about last night. And what it means for us. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Oh. Yeah. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Did I make you uncomfortable? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ No. I had a lot of fun, John. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Were you expecting any of that? The kiss seemed to take you by surprise, but you also seemed really into it. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Oh, I was definitely into it. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ So it was good? I’m a good kisser, Alex? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Don’t flatter yourself too much, but yes. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ ;) _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ But no, I definitely wasn’t expecting it. I don’t know what I expected. I wrote that same letter to Eliza. You remember her, right? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah! Nice young woman. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Well, I wanted to get to know both of you better. I didn’t figure out until afterward just what I meant by that. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ And what about now? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I don’t know. I like you. I’d like to spend more time with you -just the two of us. What do you want out of this? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I like you too, Alex. It feels like so long since I’ve dated anyone, but I’d like to try it with you. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I think I’d like that. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ But I just have to ask, you think you feel the same about Eliza? Like, you would start dating her too? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I don’t know. I might want to. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Would you be upset about that? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ No. I don’t think so. I don’t know. It’s hard to tell until it happens. If I do, feel free to stop seeing me. It’s your life, Alex. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should be happy. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I appreciate your honesty. I think we’ll just have to keep an open dialogue about it, so we’re always on the same page and can work out any conflicts before they escalate. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ That sounds great. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Speaking of communication. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Is this how we’re always gonna talk to each other? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ What do you have in mind otherwise? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I don’t know. I’m not very good at reading lips. I’ve always had someone to interpret for me, but I haven’t had very good luck with that when it comes to dating. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’m sorry. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Are you not comfortable communicating like this? Through text or writing? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I’m fine with it if you are. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Well, you’re in luck, Mr. Laurens, as I happen to much prefer the written word. You’ll just have to check me on whether my tone is coming across appropriately. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I’m a very lucky man! _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ :) _

“Okay, Pip, I think we need to talk now.”

Philip stared up at him, picking at his food. He didn’t say anything and looked back down at his plate.

“Philip.” Alex rubbed his son’s back. “I’m worried about you. You’re acting strange lately, and—”

“I don’t wanna be sick anymore, Daddy.”

Alex felt a painful pang in his chest. “Aw, baby.”

“Wednesday was really scary. I just wanna leave it all behind.”

“Leave your asthma behind?”

He nodded.

Alex sighed softly and kept rubbing Pip’s back. “I want that too, buddy. I don’t like when you have to feel sick.”

“I’m sorry, Daddy—”

“No, Pip, don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault, there’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“But me being sick makes Daddy upset.”

Alex deflated like a balloon. “That’s not your fault, baby… I want you to know just how happy you make me. You really do. I love you so much.” He felt tears prickling in his eyes, but he needed to hold it back, lest Pip think he was upset.

The dam broke when Pip hugged him tight around his middle. “It’s okay, Daddy… I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna write Philodosia.   
> But idk whether it could be in this same verse without spoilers.   
> Direct any prompts you might have to my tumblr: litsy-kalyptica.tumblr.com


	18. Chapter 18

Alex was feeling particularly bold.

He hadn’t invited anyone into his apartment since he’d moved in. Not even the Washingtons had set foot inside the space they helped pay for.

Until tonight.

A letter of invitation:

> _ Miss Schuyler, Mr. Laurens, _
> 
> _ I am eagerly seeking your company at my home on the night of October 6th. The occasion? Yourselves. I am still looking to know you better, and hope we may use this night as an opportunity toward such an end. I am hoping you will be able to join me… _

And they’d both accepted. Alex was ecstatic and buzzing with anxiety.

“Pip? Are you almost ready to go to Mr. and Mrs. Washington’s?”

Pip was eating spaghetti for dinner. “Yes, Daddy.”

“You put Floppy in your bag?”

“Mhm.”

“How about your inhaler?” Alex watched as Pip ran off to grab his medicine. “You’ll use it before you go.” Pip was still on the stronger medication, not having made much progress since his attack in September. His next appointment was at the end of the month. 

“Should I take it now?”

“What time is it?”

Pip checked his own little watch.“It’s six!”

“Alright, go on and use it. Count the seconds on your watch.”

Alex smiled softly as he watched his son do it all on his own. Inhaled on the puff, watched the second hand to count to ten. The watch was a gift from John, though Pip didn’t know that. Alex was nervous about telling Pip that he and John were dating, waiting instead until it got more serious. It hopefully would, and hopefully soon.

“Let’s go, bud, they’re waiting to see you!”

Pip unlocked and opened the door and ran down the hall before Alex could even register any of it.

“Pip! You can’t go running off like that!”

Pip shrunk against the wall next to their neighbors’ door. “I’m sorry, Daddy…”

Alex sighed and joined him, ruffling his hair. “You’re forgiven. I love you, Pip.”

 

Alex told them it would just be the three of them tonight.

Eliza brought a bottle of deep red wine.

John and Eliza arrived at the same time. He eyed the wine as she knocked on the door

Alex greeted them both excitedly. “Welcome, welcome.” He gestured them both inside. “Take off your shoes, please,” he added, pointing down at his own socked feet. “Oh, Eliza, you didn’t have to bring—”

“I wanted to, Alex.”

They settled around the living room. Alex didn’t own wine glasses, so they drank out of coffee mugs.

 

_ If you weren’t working/studying what you do right now, what would you be doing? _

_ I minored in history, _ Eliza wrote on a whiteboard and showed to the other two.  _ I might be a history consultant. _

Alex had become familiar with her handwriting over the last month or so, the perfectly spaced, sharp little letters. He smiled and, still thinking over his answer, he wrote out for her,  _ Not a history teacher? _

Eliza laughed and drew an arrow down from her first answer.  _ I love little kids, but could never see myself working with teenagers. _

John smiled and showed off his board. John’s letters were rounder and larger but messy. Somehow almost every letter resembled an ‘o.’  _ I got a degree in biology. Applied to med school and everything. Didn’t get in though. _

Alex hummed, thinking it over before writing it down on his whiteboard.  _ Macroeconomics. I would be going into economics if I hadn’t become so disillusioned with money. _

John erased his board with his forearm and wrote back to him,  _ I’m glad you didn’t go down that road. Wouldn’t have met you. _

Alex blushed and drew a little heart in the corner of John’s board before clicking through to the next question.

The silence of the room was strangely comfortable.

 

_ Empty your bag or pockets. What’s inside? _

Eliza emptied her purse onto the coffee table. Keys with a ladybug keychain, a white leather wallet, her iPhone (an older version), two sticks of peppermint gum, a baby blue hair tie, vanilla chapstick, and a travel-sized bottle of aspirin. Eliza offered the gum to Alex and John. Alex accepted graciously; John was pouring himself a second mug of wine and declined.

Alex and John’s pockets didn’t hold as much, so Alex went to grab his satchel to make things a little more interesting. John, meanwhile, emptied his pockets of an overstuffed green wallet, his smartphone, a business card with the name scratched out, and a pack of Altoids.

Alex returned to and emptied his bag. A list of emergency contact numbers, an  _ Introduction to Civil Court Proceedings _ textbook with innumerable sticky notes sticking out of the pages, two hospital bills (he laid these facedown), a Yoda Pez dispenser, two packets of oyster crackers, and a copy of his son’s newest prescription.

_ The Pez is for Pip, _ Alex lied.

 

_ What motivates you most? _

_ Making the world a better place, _ John wrote. Alex noticed he was very careful not to erase the heart up in the corner. He quickly scribbled in an addendum.  _ That’s vague but it’s true. The world is shit and I want to help make it less shit. _

_ Making the most of everything I’ve been blessed with _ , Eliza answered, in a similar vein.

_ My son. And spite. _

His companions had a good laugh at that. Alex chuckled and added on,  _ I want to make the world a better place for Pip. I don’t want to leave him with a mess to clean up. _

John stared down into his nearly empty mug.

 

_ Do you have siblings? _

Eliza looked excited to answer this one, bouncing on the couch cushion as she wrote.  _ I do! I have two sisters. Angelica is two years older than me; she’s making her way up the city’s political ladder! I’m very proud of her. She’s always been my role model. And my younger sister, Peggy, just started studying social work at NYU. I’m so proud of my little sis! _

Alex smiled warmly at her enthusiasm.

It was really sweet that she loved her sisters so much, how passionate she was about her family. It mirrored the sort of demeanor she took on in her classroom of small children, and Alex realized then just how perfect she was for her work. 

A question came to mind, though:  _ Are you proud of your own accomplishments, Eliza? _

She blushed slightly and scribbled an answer in the bottom of the board.  _ Of course I am. _

A definite middle child.

Alex’s hand was twitching as he erased his question. He felt a sinking in his chest as he stared at the blank board, mind whirring with long-buried memories.

John took the cap out from between his teeth to stick back on the marker as he finished.  _ I have four siblings, two younger sisters and two younger brothers. I don’t see them often but I have a good relationship with all of them. We text all the time. I’m the protective big brother! _

It was Alex’s turn. It was too late to take a pass.

He remembered how he had already revealed so many of his darkest secrets to these two.

He trusted them.

_ I have an older brother, or maybe had. I haven’t seen him in years. When our mother died I sort of struck out on my own. I haven’t seen him since. _

Eliza reached out a hand for him. Alex took it; she squeezed it lightly. John reached to Alex’s laptop and clicked through to the next question.

 

_ What is your greatest strength? Your greatest weakness? _

Eliza was once again the first to come up with her answer.  _ Strength: I’ve been told I’m very kind/patient/compassionate. Weakness: I’ve also been told I’m very bossy and opinionated, and maybe I can come off poorly when I care about something. _

Alex and John both frowned at that. John actually snatched Eliza’s board from her, slashed through ‘bossy’ and ‘opinionated’ and replaced them with ‘assertive’ and ‘passionate.’

That got a small smile out of her.

Alex resisted the urge to list about twenty weaknesses her could think of, if only to keep it more balanced with the one strength he could come up with.  _ Strength: Brilliant. Weakness: Abrasive. _

John slid off the sofa and scooted over to Alex, and pulled him against his side. He showed off his own board.  _ Strength: Passionate. Weakness: Reckless, sometimes aggressive. _

Alex smirked and wrote a bit on John’s board.  _ I can imagine reckless, but I’ve yet to get a hint of aggression from you, dear John. _

John thanked him with a bright smile and kiss to his cheek. Alex made note of making those little gestures more often.

Eliza joined them on the floor, coming to Alex’s other side. Alex patted her arm to make sure she wasn’t feeling too much like a third wheel.

 

_ What was your first kiss like? _

Eliza sighed heavily at this one, but answered nonetheless.  _ My first kiss was with my prom date. He dumped me the next day. _

Alex winced.  _ I’m sorry, Liz. _

_ It’s fine. I’m just glad I didn’t go further with him. _

Alex wrote down his own answer.  _ My first kiss was with a boy who lived next door when I just went into foster care. It turned out he wasn’t interested in more than that. He started ignoring me when I tried to talk to him. Middle school drama. _ He laughed humorlessly, and looked back at Eliza. They shared a moment of solidarity.

John snapping the cap back on his marker drew their attention out of their moment.

_ My first kiss was in a play. I was playing Romeo, so my first kiss was with Juliet. Funny story, though, my friend (and future brief boyfriend) got jealous and snuck backstage opening night to kiss me after that scene. I almost missed my next cue. I smacked him. _

Alex and Eliza both laughed a little at that, and John smiled knowing he was able to make them feel a little better.

 

_ Do you want kids one day? _

Alex laughed a little more, having forgotten he’d put this one in.  _ Well, I suppose this one doesn’t really apply too well to me, or to John. But as for whether I would want more kids one day, I’ve never really thought about it. I’ve never felt I needed any more than my Pip. _

There was a reason, of course, that he’d included it.

Eliza said,  _ I am dealing with children all day, and I thought this would be enough for me. But I still want children of my own. I’ve always wanted a large family. _

John took a little longer to respond.  _ I already have one. And I’ll answer this as if I wasn’t dating Alex. I do want more kids. I’ve always wanted a big family, too. Siblings do a lot for each other. _

Alex smiled, reassured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get some more of the three of them together, see how their dynamics played out. Hope you guys like!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is more like Chapter 18B than 19, but we'll call it 19 anyway!

Alex was hoping they’d both stay the night.

It was almost ten. Pip would be asleep by now. Alex thought briefly to ask the Washingtons about how he was doing before they fell asleep as well, but his attention was drawn to his soon departing guest. Eliza bid him good night with a soft kiss to his cheek, and he felt a wonderful burning sensation in that same spot. “Thank you for having me, Alexander. It was a lot of fun.”

“Do you have a ride home?”

She nodded. “I’ve got an Uber coming.”

Alex glanced around the apartment. John was asleep on the couch after four mugs of wine. 

“Will you walk me downstairs?”

Alex laughed softly, uncharacteristically shy. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Alex walked her down the stairwell, taking his time, not wanting to separate from her so soon.

“I feel like I’ve only just scratched the surface with you, Miss Schuyler.”

She laughed. “How so, Mr. Hamilton?”

“I’ve only just started to get to know you. And I love finding out more about you. This night feels like it’s ended too early. And I can’t wait to see you again.”

She nodded slowly. Alex only barely caught her biting her lip before she spoke again. “Alexander, what exactly do you want from me?”

He blanched. “What do you mean?”

“Are you looking to date me?”

He felt his heart thud in his chest. “I, um… I wouldn’t be opposed.”

She didn’t seem impressed by that. “Well, I’m flattered, but you seem to be taken already…”

“John? Oh, he… he knows. We’ve talked about it.”

“So you… are looking to start dating.”

“If you’re interested.”

She frowned a little. “Have you dated more than one person at a time before?”

“No, but I’d like to.” He bounced a little on his heels at the thought.

She smiled softly, but it didn’t show in the lamplight reflected in her eyes. “Alexander. You seem like you have a little too much on your plate right now. I… definitely am interested, but between Philip, work, school, and everything else you have going on, I can’t imagine you not getting overwhelmed by dating even one person, let alone two. I can’t tell you what to do with John. He seems like a good guy, I hope he’ll make you happy. And I’d like to make you happy, too. But I don’t want to add on to what you have to juggle in your life. I think it’d be best for both of us if we maybe wait until you have a little less going on. Maybe once you’re out of school or something.”

For once in his life, Alexander was left speechless.

Eliza smiled and kissed his cheek one more time before her ride pulled up along the sidewalk. “Good night, Alexander.”

Alex watched her off.

 

Alex returned to the apartment, slamming the door shut without thinking. He was momentarily surprised that it didn’t wake John up, as he was sure he’d awoken all the neighbors. Then he remembered, shrugged, and moved on to the bedroom.

He caught himself in the mirror. The bags under his eyes were even deeper and darker than usual. Almost looked like he’d been punched in both of them. He pulled the rubber band out of his hair. He got out of his binder, took a few deep breaths, tried to get comfortable. But there was a buzzing under his skin and he felt like he couldn’t sit still despite his sudden exhaustion.

There was a knock on the door, the open bathroom door.

Alex spun around and saw John standing there, whiteboard and marker in hand. He gave Alex a lopsided smile and showed off his message.  _ Hey. _ The little heart doodle was still in the corner.

Alex smiled just a little and took the board and marker.  _ Evening, sleepy. Your driver coming? _

_ No, I’m giving him the night off. _

Alex laughed.  _ That was a little presumptuous of you. Certain that you’d stay the night? _

_ I was hoping. Plus I’m tired and a little drunk. _

_ You nearly finished that bottle by yourself. _

_ Not quite. I’m not drunk, just tipsy and tired. Can I stay? _

Alex pretended to consider it for a moment.  _ Of course. _

 

They laid in bed together. John insisted that it was too warm in the apartment not to sleep in his underwear, but Alex wasn’t being fooled by that. He didn’t mind, of course.

Actually, that gave Alex an idea.

He sat up and pulled the old t-shirt up and off over his head. Finally. Freedom!

John pulled Alex back down against him, and Alex snuggled close.

They were keeping the whiteboard and two markers next to the bed. Alex reached for it.  _ This is so much better. _

John laughed and snatched up the other marker.  _ You look so comfortable! _

_ I am! The shirts really do get itchy. _

_ Have you tried fabric softener? _

_ I did for a bit. Didn’t work that well, so I didn’t bother buying it again. _

_ I’ll get you a good one. _

Alex whined.  _ Don’t! I don’t want you to have to buy things for me. _

_ I don’t HAVE to, I WANT to. _

Alex groaned and pressed his face into his partner’s collarbone. He realized just then how nice he smelled, and he decided not to move from that position.

And then his lips were moving along his skin. Up John’s neck.

John tapped him with the marker board.

_ Do you want to ___ ? _

Alex hummed and filled in the blank.  _ Get intimate? _

Alex slung an arm across him, stroking his waist, as John answered.  _ Not tonight. I think we should discuss it a bit more first. _

Alex nodded and laid one more kiss to John’s freckled shoulder before settling down against his side. He smiled as his boyfriend wrapped him up in his arms.

Alex felt safe.

And Alex slept well that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love them.


	20. Chapter 20

Pip was all but bouncing off the walls.

He was out with his father to pick out his costume, his class was having a Halloween party in class on Tuesday, and —best of all and most importantly— he was having a sleepover with Theo tonight!

Alex picked his son up to keep him from racing around the store and either wearing himself out, getting lost, or god forbid getting abducted. He knew he shouldn’t have let him have so much syrup on his waffles. “Okay Pip, so tell me, what do you want to be this year?”

Pip was almost overwhelmed by the number of choices. He just stared at the wall with dozens and dozens of pictures of what could be his Halloween costume.

Pip started crying.

Alex held back a smile and rubbed his back soothingly. “What’s wrong, bud?”

“There’s— There’s so many! I-I can’t choose…”

Alex hadn’t really ever known the pressure to choose a costume, but he could sympathize with it being a pretty big decision for a kid. “Here, let’s look at just a couple at a time, alright?” He brought him closer up to the wall of pictures so that there were fewer in his view. “There we go. Do you see any that you like right here?”

Pip sniffled and looked at the options. He pointed at a dinosaur costume. “I like that one!”

“Do you want to try it on?”

“No, I want it!”

Alex chuckled. “Okay, do you want to look at any others.”

“No. I’m gonna be a Ty-ran-no-saur-us rex…”

Alex nodded and kissed his cheek while he checked the price. $35. Not surprising, but no small amount, either. “Okay, bud, I’ll tell someone who works here that we want this one.”

Pip was hugging him tight around his neck as they collected the costume, as they waited in line, as they left the store with their new purchase.

 

“Daddy?”

Alex looked up from his sandwich to Pip kneeling on the other side of the bench. “Hm? What’s up?”

“I drew you a picture…”

“Aw… I’m flattered, Pip. Will you show me?”

Pip dug through his overnight bag —through Floppy and his notebook and bag of tiny toy soldiers and another bag with his various medicines— and pulled out a slightly crinkled piece of eggshell white construction paper. “We drew in school. Miss Eliza asked us what we wanna be when we grow up…”

Alex smiled as he remembered a similar assignment from the first day of school. Alexander never felt nostalgic except with regard to his son. “When we did that your first day of kindergarten, I drew you as a poet for the president.”

“A lady president!” he specified, and showed Alex the picture.

But it wasn’t a poet.

It didn’t even seem to be Philip.

“Is that…”

“It’s you!”

Alex could only stare at it for a moment. He’d gotten the likeness down: dark hair tied back with a rubber band; a little bit of scruff that he was very proud of; even the bags under his eyes. The rest of him was just a stick figure but Pip had put considerable detail into the face, as if Pip wanted no one to mistake it for anyone but his father.

Pip was giggling through Alexander’s silence. “She didn’t ask what we wanted to do as a job! She asked what we wanted to be.”

“And you wanted to be…”

“Just like my daddy!”

Alex looked up from the drawing, half expecting Philip to be joking, teasing him. And with anyone else, it might have been a joke. But even through Pip’s sweet laughter, Alex knew him well enough to know he was being genuine. And Alex was compelled to be genuine in return. “That’s… really sweet, Pip. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome!”

Alex wanted to ask Pip what exactly about him he wanted to emulate, what Pip had come to admire so much in him that he twisted the prompt to be able to say he wanted to be like his father. But he didn’t want to come off like he was trying to bolster his ego by his son’s innocence, so he just admired the drawing for a while longer.

 

On the way to the Burrs’, the Hamilton duo ran into a familiar face.

“Miss Eliza!”

Eliza turned and saw the two. Alex waved, his hold on Pip’s hand the only thing keeping the child from rushing toward her. And that was good, because it appeared she had company. But Eliza’s attention seemed immediately drawn away from the other two young women in favor of greeting her excited student. “Philip! It’s so good to see you.”

Alex noticed that she sounded genuine, and it warmed his heart.

“Miss Eliza! I’m gonna be a Ty-ran-no-saur-us rex for Halloween!”

“That’s wonderful, Pip. Are you excited for Halloween?”

“Yeah! Daddy said we’ll go trick-or-treating!”

Alex grinned and ruffled is son’s hair as he settled back against his leg.

“Are you going to get a lot of candy?” Eliza was crouched down, her face almost sinking into the collar of her turtleneck.

“Uh huh! But Daddy will have to check it to make sure I can eat it.” He leaned closer to her to whisper, but he was terrible at whispering. “Anything that I can’t have I’m gonna give to Theo!”

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.” She smiled up at Alex. “What are you two up to today?” Her eyes were still on Alex, but her question was directed at Pip, who answered promptly.

“We’re going to see Theo! We go every Saturday. But! But today I’m sleeping over with her!”

“Oh, are you excited about that?”

“Yes!” Pip squeaked. He seemed to only just now notice Eliza’s companions, and he waved. “Hi!”

They both smiled and waved back at him. Eliza seemed to remember that they were there now, but neither woman seemed put off by the interruption. “Oh! Philip, Alexander, these are my sisters. Angelica, Peggy, this is one of my students and his father.”

“It’s so nice to meet you.” Angelica was striking to Alexander. Even without the description Eliza had provided what seemed now like so long ago, Alexander recognized the ambition in Angelica’s eyes, a sort of warm determination —for what, he wasn’t sure, but it reminded him much of himself.

“He’s so cute…” Peggy, the youngest sister, came off as more of a sweetheart, and Alex felt a strange need to protect her. Maybe it was the baby face, but she looked to still be a teenager. Alex remembered she had only just started college, and felt validated in his initial impression. 

Peggy crouched down next to her sister to talk to Pip. But Pip was suddenly very shy. As soon as Peggy started talking to him, he hid his face against Alex’s thigh. Alex patted his head. “Sorry, I think he’s tired himself out.”

“Oh, no problem. Eliza’s told us about you, actually. Alexander, right? And then this is little Pip!”

Peggy was patient with Pip’s shyness without relenting on the conversation. He seemed to want to talk to her, even with his face buried in his father’s pantleg.

While Eliza and Peggy were occupied with his son, Alex turned his attention to Angelica.

It helped that she was eye-level with him.

“I’ve heard you’re quite a force to be reckoned with.”

Angelica smirked. “Well, I couldn’t deny that.”

“Well, I know most men would be intimidated by that, but I find it admirable.”

She just stared at him for a moment, and suddenly his thin jacket was a little too hot and tight around his throat.

“Sometimes my mouth runs faster than my brain. That’s why I prefer writing.”

“I can imagine.” She huffed out a laugh. “I’ll give you another chance at a good impression, but don’t waste it.”

“Do you have paper on hand? I might need a couple of pages, I can tell I have much work to do to win you over, Ms. Schuyler.”

She smirked, but there was just the slightest hint of amusement in her sharp eyes. “Mrs. Church, actually.”

He could still save this! “Your partner must be a person of great value to have earned your love.”

“Mm… You’re on thin ice, Alexander.”

Alex smiled.

Eliza stood up and brushed imaginary dust off her skirt. “You’ll have to excuse us, Alex, we’re working against the clock.”

“Shopping,” Peggy clarified. “Bye, Pip!”

Pip gave a little slow wave. “Bye…”

Angelica and Alexander met eyes again, once, before she turned away.

Eliza briefly turned her attention back to him. “It’s great seeing you, Alex. I’m glad to see Pip’s feeling better.”

Pip not seeming to pay attention, Alex responded in a whisper, barely heard over the autumn wind. “Eliza. I wonder if we could have a conversation that is just for the two of us. I still feel like I don’t know you all too well, and it only drives me to try harder.”

She took a step back. “Alex… I’m flattered, but now is not a good time to be—”

“Friends? That’s all I’m asking for. I want to be your friend, want you to be more in my life than my son’s teacher. Whether or not it ever grows beyond that, we can always figure that out later. But when can I see you outside the classroom?”

Eliza watched his eyes, and sighed softly. “I… want that, too. Um… Next weekend? I’m sure I could get Peggy to babysit, if you don’t have anyone available.”

“Yes! Yes, I’d like that. Come back to my apartment; it’ll just be the two of us this time.”

She smiled and lightly touched his arm before heading off.

 

“Theo!”

“Pip!”

The two friends embraced in the freshly and thoroughly cleaned apartment. Aaron greeted Alex with a handshake; the children had run off by the time they disconnected.

“How’s Theodosia?”

“She’s doing fine. She’s started treatment and it seems to be going well.”

“And you’ve officially dropped the course?”

“I’ve disenrolled from all my courses. I may return for the spring, but that’ll depend on how Theodosia’s chemo goes. In the meantime, I’m looking for work…”

“Hey. I’ll put in a good word for you. Or several good words.” Alex wasn’t convinced that Aaron was the most disciplined or decisive worker, but he was a good man and a good friend and Alex could use this side of him to reshape what he could say about him as a worker. “We’ll get you good work in no time.”

Aaron smiled. “Thank you, Alex.”

Alex redirected the conversation. “Everything he needs is in his bag. You’ll take good care of my boy, right?”

“Yeah, of course. What are you getting up to while you have a bit of free time?”

“It’s John’s birthday, we’re going out with some of his friends.”

“His other friends?”

Oh. Aaron didn’t know. “No, we got together more than a month ago… That night we all hung out at his place.”

“Oh. I had no idea. Well, I’m happy for you both, hope you’re treating each other well.”

Alex nodded, feeling more awkward than Aaron’s reaction warranted. “Thanks.”

“He is treating you well, right?”

“Yeah, he’s good to me.”

“Alright…”

“I actually have to get going. Pip! Come say goodbye to Daddy!”

Pip came running out of the room, a little winded by the time he got there, Theo in tow. “Bye, Daddy!” He hugged around Alex’s leg.

Alex frowned slightly and crouched down. “Hey. If you aren’t feeling well, I want you to tell Mr. Burr, alright? He has my phone number if he needs to call me, okay?”

“Yep! Can I go play now?”

Alex laughed and ruffled his hair. “Yeah, go on and play. I’ll pick you up tomorrow. Don’t forget to take your medicine!” As the children ran back off, Alex handed Aaron a little slip of paper with more information about Pip’s medication, when he needed to take it and which inhaler was for emergencies. “If he has an attack, do your best to help him use his rescue inhaler. If he’s struggling to breathe, don’t hesitate to call for an ambulance. It might take him a few tries to get the medicine properly, so ask him if he needs another puff. He’ll know if he didn’t get it, but he might need to be directed, especially if the attack sends him into panic. Try to keep him grounded, stay calm and do what you can to reassure him.”

Alex was starting to wonder if he was ready to leave Pip like this with anyone but the Washingtons, who lived only down the hall. Alex would be too far away to get to his son quickly enough. The more he considered the possibility of an emergency, the less certain he was feeling about leaving Pip here.

But Pip was so excited to sleep over with Theo.

And Aaron had generously gotten the apartment professionally cleaned so they could make that happen.

“It’ll be fine, Alex.” But Alex noticed he was nevertheless patient, waiting for Alex to run through everything he needed to say.

And for that Alex was grateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Pip and Theo! The Schuyler sisters! Pip being an absolute angel! Alex and Aaron being good friends! And a slightly longer chapter? Yeaaaaaah. :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, I changed the rating?

Alex was at a loss for what he could get John for his birthday, and he was running out of time. He thought to take a page out of his son’s book and pick up flowers and a teddy bear, but just as he was about to commit to the idea in the middle of a gift shop, he decided it would be too corny.

I wish I had thought to write him something, he thought. But even then Alex was unsure that he could properly express his feelings through writing.

Maybe action could be as powerful as the word.

And that gave Alex an idea.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Hey, are you busy? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Nah, just getting ready for tonight! Why? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Mind if I come over early? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah, cool. You on your way? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’ll see you soon~ _

He added the tilde as an afterthought, but smiled as he hit send.

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex? Alex, what was with the squiggle? Don’t tease me like this, haHA! _

Alex grinned and tucked his phone back into his pocket, deciding to leave John guessing. He left the shop with a small skip in his step.

 

Alexander arrived at John’s front door a half hour later, a smile still on his face, wearing out his cheeks but not wanting John to miss out on such excitement. He pressed the buzzer and waited with anticipation.

Alex’s smile dropped when the door opened.

John’s hair was loose and especially fluffy tonight, like Alex had seen on the few occasions he’d woken up beside him. He was dressed in a dalmatian-print button-up, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and his black skinny jeans were tight on his legs. Alex needed to look back up before his eyes could linger inappropriately, but he bit his lip hard.

It was too good for him not to be taken aback.

And Alex was definitely certain of his birthday present now!

The grin returned to Alex’s face to mirror John’s own, and John leaned against the doorjamb to text him. Alex pulled his phone out before the message even arrived.

> **_John:_ ** _ You’re looking good tonight~ _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Is that a revenge-tilde? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Maybe~ _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ You might want to quit while you’re ahead, Laurens. You’ll rob the symbol of its suggestive meaning! _

John laughed and turned to head inside, gesturing for Alex to follow him. They settled on the couch. Alex settled against John’s side, legs crossed toward him. When he didn’t need to look at his phone, he was admiring the handsome curve of his boyfriend’s jaw. It would look even prettier covered in lovebites.

> **_John:_ ** _ Speaking of which… What was with that text earlier? You never answered me! _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ It has to do with your birthday present. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Oh Alex, you didn’t have to! _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ You say that now, but I think you’ll easily accept it once you know what I have in mind. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ In mind? _

Alex smirked and carefully (he hoped seductively) maneuvered himself to sit across John’s lap. He let one leg hang down, and he hooked his foot behind John’s ankle. It killed him to have to look back down at his phone.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Do you think we’re ready to discuss our boundaries and preferences a bit more? _

Alex watched his face for his reaction. John’s eyes widened, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. And Alex wasn’t one to resist; while John texted him back, Alex started kissing along the corner of his mouth, and along to his jawline.

> **_John:_ ** _ Oh, that! You planning some birthday sex~? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Yes, but you’ve at last ruined the poor tilde! _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Remind me to apologize in bed tonight. _

Alex laughed and kissed him properly. They’d just barely added tongue before John was pulling away to talk to him.

> **_John:_ ** _ Okay, but boundaries and stuff? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Ah, of course. Well, in case you were wondering, I prefer a dominant position in bed. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ That doesn’t surprise me at all. Well, we’re looking pretty compatible so far, Mr. Hamilton. Or should I call you something else? (in the bedroom, anyway) _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ No, you can just call me Alex still. _

Alex thought it over for a moment before making a small ammendment.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ You can maybe call me ‘sir’ sometimes, if we’re really into it. If you’re into that. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Oh, I could definitely do that. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Any kinks I should know about? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Ha… _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Aw, don’t get shy on me now, Jacky. I’ll need to know how to make you feel good. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I get that, but it’s getting a little hot.. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I noticed ;) _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Did you want to, like, now? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ How long do we have until Laf and Herc get here? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ … Long enough. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Do you have what we need on hand? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Always. _

Alex stared at the message for a moment, a sudden rush of fire in his chest.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Do you need them often? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Lube helps things go smoothly. And a condom helps keep the sheets clean. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Oh. Oh yeah. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Did my man get jealous for a second there? _

An involuntary moan grinded through Alexander’s vocal chords. He knew John couldn’t have heard it, but his face went red at the possibility he may have felt it. He didn’t ask, not wanting to implicate himself.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Perhaps. But how could I not? I have such a handsome man to call my own, and the thought of him being intimate with anyone else makes me feel ill. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Don’t worry, it’s been a while. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Have you been with anyone since Maddie? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I feel like we’re getting off topic. But yes. All men. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ We are getting off topic. I wanted to know your kinks. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Fuck, Al, I don’t know where to start? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ That many? ;) _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Not exactly. But not knowing whether you’d be into them makes me nervous. _

Alex frowned and kissed his neck, nipping lightly before pulling back.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ You don’t have to be nervous. I’m not going to judge you. Or, well, I can’t promise I’ll indulge you on everything, but I care about you and want to make you feel good to the extent that I can feel good too. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I couldn’t ask more than that of you :) _

Alexander grinned against his skin and moved one hand to undo a button on John’s shirt, and pulled his collar aside to get better access to his neck while John typed out his kinks for him. Alex didn’t review them immediately. He continued to work at John’s neck, goosebumps rising on his arms as John’s pulse jumped under his teeth. But after a long and wonderful moment, John was patting Alex’s thigh, getting his boyfriend’s attention before moving the same hand to tap Alex’s phone, and then his watch.

Alex hummed and nodded, laying one soft kiss to his skin before opening up the message.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ You have good taste, Mr. Laurens. All of this I can enthusiastically indulge you in. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Awesome :) _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Um, also Alex, when we’re like here together, and I text you, I would really appreciate it if you look at it right away. _

Alex looked up at him. John’s eyes were swimming with something that Alex couldn’t identify, except so far as that it was serious. He offered him a small smile before responding.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’m sorry. I’ll be more diligent from now on. _

Neither felt any need for words after that. Alex was burning with desire, and he took whatever John would offer him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so nothing too saucy here. I'm debating whether I'm writing a sex scene tbh. But I wanted to put this out! Be sure to comment, let me know what you think!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've had to add some pretty serious tags for this chapter. Mature content, but nothing explicit.

When Alex thought about how he’d only met John two months earlier, and met properly even more recently, he thought it should feel like they were moving too fast. But whatever his brain told him, his heart said that it almost wasn’t moving fast enough. Maybe it was the post-orgasmic haze talking. Maybe it was the dearth of positive relationships in Alex’s life (especially romantic relationships), but he wanted to invest so much of himself in John that it almost hurt that they hadn’t taken this step yet.

He wanted him, completely, and Alex wasn’t expecting that want to change anytime soon.

Alex sleepily pulled the whiteboard off the bedside table.

_ Happy birthday~ _

John blinked and smiled up at the message as Alex held it above his face, and took the marker, scribbling his response.  _ What a great present! _

Alex grinned and kissed his bare shoulder.  _ We should probably get dressed. Your friends will _

He couldn’t finish his thought before the lights flickered, drawing his attention away from the board.

John was laughing.

Alex watched as he answered Alex’s unvoiced question.

_ They’re here! We better get dressed! _

The buzzer (which Alex noticed for the first time was connected to the lights, making them flicker when someone was at the door) was going off, accompanied by some shouting outside the door. Even through two closed doors and the space of the apartment, Alex recognized Herc’s booming voice, and Laf’s thick accent.

They hurried up and got dressed. Alex almost wished they hadn’t been so hasty in their disrobing; his shirt was all wrinkled.

Just as he finished doing up the buttons on his plain blue shirt, the whiteboard was in front of him, everything erased except for the little heart still in the corner and  _ You really do look so handsome. _

Alex smiled and turned to kiss him. The lights flickered again.

_ Round two tonight? _ he asked.

_ Definitely ;) _

Hand hanging low, Alex patted John’s thigh, signalling that he would get the door.

“Alexander!” Laf kissed both his cheeks, holding a gift bag far out to the side. They both squeezed in past him to get at the birthday boy, arms heavily laden with gifts.

Alex couldn’t be sure of it, but he was coming to an understanding that the three of them were each other’s only friends. He almost felt like an intrusion, but he was ready and willing to more wholly befriend Laf and Herc. They were fun to be around —at least, when he wasn’t wanting John to himself.

And today he was feeling especially possessive. He didn’t want to share John, wanted him all to himself. It made him feel like a petulant child, but a righteous petulant child.

But it was John’s birthday. He could quell his desire for a while so that he could enjoy with his friends before enjoying it with him.

 

Alex didn’t know what the plans were. Didn’t know they’d be pregaming at John’s apartment before heading out to the club.

He could figure out that they’d be drinking while they were at the club.

Alex didn’t really drink. He sipped on a beer while his friends did shots, and his boyfriend did double shots.

1, 1, 2.

2, 2, 4.

3, 3, 6.

And so on.

It took more for John to get drunk that Laf or even Herc, despite being smaller than both of them and drinking twice as quickly. But he was still drunk by eight.

It was dark in the club. There was no way to effectively speak to John in here. John didn’t seem interested in talking, anyway. And the booming music was too loud to speak to Herc or Laf either.

Alex declined another beer, arms crossed against his chest on the bar. His mind started to wander to everywhere he’d rather be than in this raucous club that smelled of sweat and liquor. He could be at home with Pip, reading him a bedtime story. He could be out on a nice quiet outing with Eliza, drinking coffee much too late to warrant the caffeine but enjoying the warm taste. He could drag John back to the safety and comfort of his apartment and pin him back down to the bed.

Alex had a headache.

Suddenly someone was tugging on his arm, and Alex turned to see the dim silhouette of John only inches away from him, illuminated only by the flashing blue and pink neon lights. Alex offered him a smile; John pouted and kept tugging on his arm.

Alex nodded and got off the stool. He found himself steady on his feet. Two beers definitely weren’t enough to get him stumbling.

John was just a little unsteady.

He’d had nine shots in the less than three hours. And that’s not even counting the mixed drinks Laf had prepared at the apartment, mixed drinks Alex has sipped and ultimately set aside —only for John to finish it for him.

Alex felt a little queasy for him.

John pulled him out onto the dancefloor. They were surrounded by dozens of sweaty, grinding bodies. Alex stayed close to his boyfriend, no space between them.

The song was heavy on the bass, booming from speakers the size of refrigerators. John wrapped one arm around Alex’s neck, the other around his hips, keeping them pressed together.

Alex moved with him.

It was hot.

John’s drunk.

Smooth lips moving along Alex’s throat, hands moving to his ass.

Alex scraped his blunt fingernails down the back of John’s shirt. He let one hand tucked into the back pocket of his jeans.

Suddenly there was no one else around them. It was just the two young lovers, lost in desire and—

Then John’s body was gone, all except for the grip on Alex’s wrist, as he pulled him back toward the bar.

Ordered two more shots.

And then another beer for Alex.

Alex watched silently.

He caught sight of Laf and Herc at the other end of the bar. They’d apparently forgotten about them. Laf’s hand was on Herc’s thigh… sliding up…

Alex let John take the two more shots. He pulled out his phone.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ I think we should get going. _

John checked the message and looked at him. The strobe lights flashed over John’s eyes. Confused. Glassy.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ I think we should go. _

John sipped at the untouched beer left in front of him, considering the message for a moment. He looked up and seemed to catch his friends at the bar, because he started laughing and heading toward them, still pulling Alex along. He almost tripped twice on the way to the bar.

John tapped Herc on the shoulder; Laf seemed a little put out that he’d interrupted, but didn’t say anything or even look like he held a grudge about it.

“You’re heading out?” Herc asked to confirm what John has said to him in the inconsistent lighting of the club. “... Alright. Alex, you’ll get the birthday boy home safe?”

Alex could barely hear him over the music, but he nodded.

Calling the conversation finished, Laf resumed where he’d left off.

 

They took a cab back to John’s building.

> **_John:_ ** _ didyou hvae fyn? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Yeah _

Alex was lying.

 

John fumbled with his keys before barging his way into his own apartment. He swung around and grinned at Alex as he followed him in. He stepped closer, almost tripping on his own boots, and took Alex’s shoulder, kissing his neck and pulling him backward to the bedroom.

Alex knew where this was going.

John was drunk.

He didn’t pull away.

John fell back onto the bed, failing to pull Alex down on top of him. Laid out in front of him, Alex could see just how out of it he was.

John gestured for Alex to join him, struggling to undo a button on his shirt.

John was drunk.

John was drunk.

And Alex was dead sober.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're worried about where this is going...


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more of Alex's background?

Alexander didn’t remember Philip’s sperm donor. He was eighteen at the time, and enjoying the toxic combination of the freedom of adulthood and the invincibility of youth. The Washingtons were sending him to college; he relied heavily on his natural brilliance to skate through school, spending less of his first semester in the library than at the bottom of a beer bottle.

The alcohol would ward off his dysphoria, and with it his reservations about sex.

He must’ve been very handsome. Even in his most drunken moments, he’d never had poor taste in which men he called attractive. It hadn’t taken much in that time to get Alexander Hamilton (then going by another name he had since forgotten) into bed; there was no telling which of his one-night stands could have played a role in Philip’s conception.

Alex certainly wasn’t on birth control at the time. Alex couldn’t remember if they’d even considered using a condom. He wouldn’t be able to remember whether the man had been as drunk as he was.

 

Alex got John out of his boots, shirt, and jeans. He turned him onto his side, and tucked the blanket around him.

“Good night, John.”

John pulled him down for a chaste kiss (Alex could taste the strong liquor on his lips) before promptly passing out.

Alex sat on the edge of the bed, watching John sleep, tracking his breathing until he could feel confident that John wouldn’t die of alcohol poisoning.

The anxiety he anticipated to accompany the situation never came. He cared about John, very much, and he should’ve been worried about his health. Alex had himself been hospitalized once after nearly drinking himself into a coma, and he wouldn’t be surprised if John had had even more tonight than he had then (though he would never remember after blacking out like that). He was surprised with himself that he hadn’t brought John to the emergency room after the club, and even more so now that John had passed out.

But he didn’t.

He didn’t feel worried.

Maybe because he was so irritated with him.

He looked around the bedroom for what felt like the first time. It was plainly decorated but attractively so, walls a light blue, furniture painted silver. Photographs were pinned up on a bulletin board next to the mirror. Pictures of John with his friends, pictures of Herc, pictures of Laf, and pictures of people he didn’t recognize.

There was one picture of a baby girl. Cece. All the pictures of John with his friends and only one with his daughter.

He couldn’t imagine there was a picture of the girl’s mother up there.

Alex forced a deep breath.

When was the last time John saw his daughter? When he couldn’t see her, did he ever try to get in contact? Did he ever think about her when she wasn’t around?

Had Cece ever seen her father blackout drunk?

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Herc, I got John home fine. He’s asleep. I have to go home. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Aaron, I’ll be picking up Philip in the morning, earlier than expected. How is he doing? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Eliza, I know this is last-minute and not ideal, but I find myself in need of a friend right now, and was wondering if I’d be able to come to your house. _

Eliza was a godsend. She’d replied almost immediately, offering him not only her company at her family’s home, but a ride there and a bed for the night. Alex waited in the lobby of John’s building waiting for the car she sent. Estimated arrival time: 10:40.

> **_Aaron:_ ** _ Pip’s doing fine. He and Theo are fast asleep now. He used his inhaler fine, didn’t have an attack or anything. They had a lot of fun today. I hope you know how much Theo adores him. Even when they’re not together he’s always her favorite topic for conversation! _

Alex smiled and typed out a quick thanks for the response. He thought at length about just how precious Philip was to him, how blessed he was to have him in his life.

 

Alex had come very close to not being a parent at all, three times before Philip was even born.

The first time:

Alex had certainly not been looking to get pregnant at his age. He hadn’t expected to ever get pregnant at all, but Alex knew at the time he would be too young to be a father. He was in school, and after this incident he knew he wouldn’t be returning to his party lifestyle.

So he had a plan in mind. He would get an abortion, act as if nothing had ever happened, and start working harder at school.

The Washingtons couldn’t say they were happy with the decision, but they supported him nonetheless. George even drove him to the clinic the first time.

But when they arrived, Alex got cold feet. He couldn’t even step inside. He just got back in the car and, whimpering quietly, told George to drive off.

The second time:

Alex had already proven that he wasn’t very responsible at eighteen. Even after deciding that he didn’t want to get an abortion, despite all the grief the decision had caused him at the time, he knew he couldn’t be a good father, that the baby deserved better than him.

He and George worked to find an adoptive family for the baby. With the Washingtons’ help, Alex decided on a nice young gay couple who lived in Newark. They couldn’t offer to pay the hospital bills, but they could offer all their love and support and that they would love the baby with all their hearts.

Alex could only feel relief.

The third time:

Six months into the pregnancy, there had been a serious scare. Alex was at the Washingtons’, watching TV, hand absentmindedly stroking over his stomach as he felt an unborn Pip moving around a bit. It shouldn’t have signalled anything when Pip stopped moving. But Alex felt a sinking sensation in his chest, and couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. He became hypervigilant of any movement, but there was none.

Martha Washington returned home with groceries just a few minutes later to find her former foster-son in a state of panic. She was the one who got him to the hospital to get checked out.

It turned out that everything was fine. Alex had had a sudden drop in blood pressure, and it had affected the baby, but the doctor assured him that everything was looking fine now, and that he’d write Alex a prescription for pills he could take in case such an incident occurred again during the pregnancy.

This time he hadn’t exactly almost lost Philip. But that hadn’t prevented Alex from thinking that he might.

Alex backed out of the adoption plan that night.

 

> **_Herc:_ ** _ Hey Al, thanks for getting him home, but could you just stay with him until we can get there? He was really drunk when you guys left. Laf and I will be on our way in a few minutes. _

Alex conveniently missed this message, stepping outside to the car waiting for him just as his phone was buzzing in his pocket.

It was a longer ride than expected. The Schuylers, it turned out, lived in Yorktown, in a large and luxurious home. Alex marvelled at the architecture until he noticed Eliza standing in the front doorway, in her pajamas.

Alex stumbled out of the car and toward her. She opened her arms and, as he came closer, pulled him in tight.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?”

“Not yet,” Alex sighed. “I’m… tired. Maybe once I can get settled.”

She nodded and kissed his cheek, patted his shoulder. “My sisters and I were all awake when you texted me. They’re excited to see you.”

Alex’s heart lightened, slightly.

He sat in the formal living room with the three Schuyler sisters. Eliza and Peggy both sat on the floor, craft supplies sprawled out on the coffee table, a thin plastic tablecloth the only thing keeping the polished wood safe from Elmer’s glue. Alex sat on the opposite end of the sofa from Angelica, and they engaged each other in intelligent conversation about issues from politics to philosophy, in that order. Alex was impressed that she not only kept up with him, but far surpassed him. Angelica was by far the most brilliant person he’d ever met.

“How’s your son, Alex?” Peggy asked during a break in the lively conversation between her eldest sister and their guest.

Alex smiled. “He’s doing well. He’s at a sleepover with his best friend right now.”

“Eliza tells us how bright he is.”

The father blushed. “He really is. Only four years old and probably too bright for kindergarten, but I don’t want him to be too far ahead. I want him to be able to make friends among his peers.”

Eliza smiled and glued two ends of a strip of construction paper together. Alex watched her delicate hands for a moment too long, and felt his face burn brighter.

“Alexander?” Angelica drew his attention back to her. “I’ve been meaning to ask, is there a reason you smell of alcohol?”

He cast his eyes down into his lap and stammered. “I was out with my… boyfriend, I guess…”

“Drinking?” There was no judgment in her voice, only curiosity.

“It’s his birthday. He turned twenty-six and we went out with some friends to celebrate.”

Peggy laughed. “If it’s his birthday, what are you doing here with us?”

Alex stiffened, and Eliza gently chided her sister for the question. Peggy returned to making flowers out of tissue paper.

 

It was past midnight by the time Angelica and Peggy had retreated to bed. Alex helped Eliza clean up bits of scrap paper, and she wiped dried drops of glue off the tablecloth. “Thank you, Alex.” She pulled it off the table and folded it up.

“You’re welcome, Eliza, but it’s the least I could do. You’ve been so… generous to me.”

“You’re my friend, Alex. I couldn’t just leave you off on your own, not when there was anything I could do to help.”

Alex laughed softly, redness returning to his cheeks. “You’ve gone far beyond your job description, Miss Eliza.”

There was a moment of comfortable silence betweent them. Eliza broke it at last. “Alexander… Are you and John alright?”

Alex slumped. “I… am not very happy with him right now. I don’t know where we’ll stand in the morning.” He let the silence linger another moment as he thought over his options. “Eliza? I won’t pressure you, but I’d like to remind you of my formidable interest in you. I haven’t been able to even try to push that away.”

She didn’t say anything, and Alex kept talking.

“I can romantically care about two people at once. And if you have any doubt, know that now, in this moment, in a moment of weakness… I am feeling it more strongly for you than for John. I’m not sure that I even want to be with him anymore. I don’t know… I don’t know if this is a rift he and I can repair, or that I’ll even want to repair. Eliza… if you just give me the chance, I won’t let you down.”

Eliza blinked at the floor, tablecloth still folded over her arm. She laughed, barely audible. “You said you wouldn’t pressure me.”

Alex’s heart leapt into his ears. “I am so sorry, Eliza, I didn’t—”

She shut him up with a soft kiss.

 

> **_Herc:_ ** _ Alex? _
> 
> **_Herc:_ ** _ Alex, are you inside? _
> 
> **_Herc:_ ** _ Laf and I are at John’s door, but it’s locked, we can’t get inside. His landlord’s not around, either. John’s not answering, he must be asleep or _
> 
> **_Herc:_ ** _ Alex please answer? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter from John's perspective this time! Let me know what you think of the switch, as we've followed Alex for the whole story (except for one little scene with Eliza in like chapter 4) exclusively. I wanted to switch it up, because it felt important that this scene be from John's POV.

John woke up to one of his worse hangovers. He could almost admit he’d overdone it last night, especially when he opened his eyes to the lights flickering. The strobing effect amplified the throbbing in his head and he had to bury his face in the pillow, only to find he’d vomited a bit in his sleep.

Okay. He’d overdone it.

The lights flickered again a few minutes later, and he had no choice but to go see who it was. But as he tried to stand, dizziness overtook him, and he resigned himself to a few more minutes in bed. The time? A little past noon.

Last night was a haze, vague memories obscured and framed with fuzzy black edges. The last thing he could remember at all was dancing with Alexander…

Alexander. Was he here? Had he gotten home okay?

John grabbed his phone and worked through the pain behind his eyes to type out a text to Alex.

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex? Are you at home? Are you okay? _

He struggled a bit, but managed to get himself standing up. The lights flickered again. Someone was really trying to reach him. Maybe Alex? He moved a little more quickly toward the door, but feeling much like a newborn deer, on his feet for the first time.

He opened up the door to a frankly confusing sight. Herc and Laf, sitting on the floor of the hallway. Herc looked half-asleep, leaning up against the door across the hall. Laf was sitting next to his own door, arm loosely stretched up above his head, slumped, vaguely reaching toward the buzzer. He must have been the one ringing.

John stepped out and nudged Herc’s foot with his own. He felt the floor shake slightly and turned to see Laf suddenly up and alert and coming in for a tight hug. John let his friend hug him from behind, patting his arm. He nudged Herc again, and the second time seemed to wake him up.

Herc’s face lit up in a grateful smile. “Thank god you’re alright!”

John laughed, uncertain. “Should I not be?”

“You were super drunk when Alex took you home last night.”

There was a pause, John’s hazy mind trying to process what Herc was telling him. “I don’t remember anything from last night. At least not the later bits.” Laf was still nuzzling his shoulder, which must have hurt his neck quite a bit.

“Like I said, super drunk. You probably blacked out.”

John finally noticed that he was standing there, in the hallway, in nothing but his boxers. He quickly retreated back into his apartment, dragging a still clinging Laf along, Herc following behind them and closing the door.

John painfully wracked his brain for any memory of coming home. He remembered ordering drinks, dancing alone, dancing with Alex… kissing on Alex…

And earlier, he and Alex had talked about having sex when they got back to the apartment.

Maybe it was the unfortunate conclusion that took him to, maybe it was the liquor his body was trying to detox from, but John found himself stumbling to the bathroom to vomit.

He felt one hand rubbing his back as he hunched over the toilet, and two more hands gently pulling his hair and tying it back. When he could wince back up at his friends, he noticed Laf’s own hair was loose now.

Stomach empty, he fell back against the toilet, tired and turned to face Laf and Herc. “I don’t think I could ask for better friends than you two.”

Herc smiled a little. “We were really worried. Worried you were alone and might get super sick after all you drank. It was a lot, even for you.”

John laughed breathlessly. “Hey, next time you’re that worried, call the police or something? Break down the door? I won’t mind. I’d rather that than, well, die.”

 

Laf and Herc, exhausted after staying in the hall all night, took a nap on John’s bed. John went through his usual hangover routine in a haze.

He played on his phone, absently thumbing through apps even when he knew nothing new would come up. He was distracted by thoughts of Alex.

Alex hadn’t answered his earlier text. John didn’t know what happened last night, to either of them. A nervous lump growing in his throat, he decided he needed to text him again.

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex? I need to talk to you. I don’t remember much from last night. I don’t remember getting home. When I woke up you were gone. Are you okay? Did you get home alright?  _

He swallowed hard, stomach churning, and sent a follow-up before he could start dry-heaving.

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex, I need you to tell me what happened. I woke up in my underwear, my clothes scattered around the floor. You… didn’t… did you? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Alex doesn't even technically feature in this chapter. Just the pre-Alexander squad. Ft. cuddly Laf.


	25. Chapter 25

Alex spent the night with Eliza. Not in a sexual way; they didn’t even share a bed. The guest bedroom had two queen-sized beds, and he slept in one, she in the other.

He ate breakfast with the Schuylers and thanked them for their generosity, thanking his hostesses, before deciding he needed to get back into the city to pick Philip up from his sleepover. Eliza got dressed and walked him out to the car that would take Alex to Manhattan.

“I hope you’re feeling better this morning, Alex.” She’d been quiet all through breakfast; these were the first words they shared since bidding each other good night.

He smiled and nodded. “Yes, I’m feeling much better. I’m glad I was able to get out of there… Thank you again, Eliza. I’ll be sure to tell Pip how kind you were to me.”

She very lightly took his hand. Alex leaned in and kissed her cheek, but his lips landed almost dangerously close to her lips. They both laughed, and she watched as the car drove off.

 

“Daddy, Daddy, look!”

As soon as Alex came through Aaron’s door, his son was trying to shove a piece of paper into his face, but could only reach as high as his chest. “What’s this, buddy?”

“I wrote this for Theo!”

Alex laughed and took it from him to read.

> _ Roses are red _
> 
> _ Vilets are blue _
> 
> _ You like yor dolls _
> 
> _ And I reely like you _

“Do you like it?” 

Alex moved the paper and looked down at Pip. The boy’s eyes were full of hope and desperation for Alex’s approval. Alex smiled and ruffled his son’s hair, handing the poem back to him. “It’s lovely, Pip. Did Theo see it yet?”

“No, Theo can’t really read yet. But I can read it to her. I’m just…” He made himself very small, hiding his face in the paper. He gestured for Alex to lean down to he could whisper, and Alex acquiesced. “Theo makes my tummy feel all funny…”

Alex knew it was only a matter of time before this came up; he’d known from that first day of school that Pip had a hopeless crush on the pretty little girl, even if he couldn’t recognize it as such at the time. He seemed to be a little closer to noticing it now. Was that normal for kids Pip’s age? Did four-year-olds have crushes? “Do you want to read it to her before we go home? Or do you want to save it for sometime later?”

“I’ll save it!”

“Okay. Here, fold it up and put it in your bag.”

Pip did as he was asked. Alex shot a knowing, amused glance in Aaron’s direction, and caught him returning it. Pip returned with his overnight bag. “Okay! I’m ready!”

“Wait! Pip!” Theo came running out of her room in her pajamas. They embraced, hugging tightly as a goodbye. They didn’t know when they’d see each other next, as their fathers hadn’t arranged anything for the future yet. So they held onto the moment as long as they could; in this case, that meant until Alex announced that they had to get home to do the cleaning.

“Okay… bye, Theo!”

“Bye!”

Alex almost hated to pull the two apart, but he was exhausted, and needed to get done what he could before he collapsed for the day.

 

On the short walks between buses and apartments, Alex noticed that Pip was starting to wheeze a bit. He frowned, watching him carefully. “Pip? Did you take your medicine this morning?”

The boy shook his head. Alex’s brow furrowed more tightly.

“Well, you need to take it now, then. Let’s get it out of your bag.”

“It’s not in my bag, Daddy.”

“Why— Why not?”

“I… threw it out…”

Alex’s eyes went wide and he leaned forward to look his son right in the eyes. Pip averted his gaze, staring off to the other side. “Philip. Why did you throw out your medicine?”

“To leave it behind! I could leave it behind at Theo’s house! But then we went to the park, so I threw them out there…” 

Alex inhaled and exhaled harshly, trying to keep himself calm. “Philip, you know that your medicine keeps you from getting sick.”

Pip said nothing.

“Look at me.”

Pip looked, eyes fearful. “Am I in trouble?”

“Yes!” Alex answered before really thinking about it. His voice must have been sharper than he’d intended, because he noticed Pip flinch and start to tear up. Alex sighed heavily and ran a hand over his own hair, sitting back in the bus seat. “You knew better than to do that, Philip. We’ll have to buy some more before your next dosage.”

“I— I’m sorry, Daddy…”

Alex said nothing.

 

Alex decided to leave Pip with Martha while he scrounged up some money for the more expensive medication and went to get the prescription filled. Pip was crying by the time they got up to the Washingtons’ apartment.

“Alex? Oh dear, Pip, what happened?” Martha scooped the boy up into her arms, and looked at his father. Alex’s eyes were harder. “Alexander, what’s going on?”

“He threw out his inhalers.” He tried to keep his voice calm, but his irritation was evident. He got quiet then, as if for only Martha to hear. “Don’t coddle him too much. He’s in trouble.”

“Alex…”

“What?”

She gave a pointed nod to the small boy crying against her shoulder. Martha stroekd his hair. “You poor thing…”

“Martha.”

“You made a mistake. And now there are consequences. But why are you crying, sweetheart?”

“D-Daddy’s angry…”

The words, in combination with Pip’s sobbing, broke Alex’s heart. He tried to think of something to say to make Pip feel better before he’d have to head off, but no words came to him. His mind was frayed at all the edges. It had been a long night. It was looking to be a long day. Alex was so tired. “I… should get going.”

Martha nodded, her gaze growing cold as she watched him off.

 

Alex was waiting at the pharmacy for over an hour already. At nearly two, he received a text message.

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex? I need to talk to you. I don’t remember much from last night. I don’t remember getting home. When I woke up you were gone. Are you okay? Did you get home alright?  _

Alex frowned a little, feeling somewhat guilty now for having left John all alone. He was ready to type out an apology and an assurance that he was just fine, when he received another message.

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex, I need you to tell me what happened. I woke up in my underwear, my clothes scattered around the floor. You… didn’t… did you? _

He squeezed his phone in his hand. Did John really think he’d taken advantage of his drunken state for sexual gratification? Taking offense to the implied accusation, Alex abandoned his apology in favor of defense.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ John, do you really think that poorly of me? That I would have done any less or worse than gotten you home safe, tucked you in for the night, let your friends know where you were? I’m sure you don’t remember it, you were so slobbering drunk, but I told you last night that I had a good time. You may find it earlier in our messages. I lied. I had an awful time, watching the three of you get drunk, you worst of all. Your intentions on the dancefloor were evident to me; earlier in the day the desire may have been mutual. You kept trying, and every time it was harder to resist. But I did resist. Your clothes were off so you could sleep comfortably. I watched you for an hour to make sure you didn’t stop breathing, didn’t start choking on vomit. I felt more like a nurse than a lover. I took care of you, and the more I saw of your bedroom, the more I realized you were not exactly the caring type yourself. When was the last time you saw your daughter, John? Have you been in contact with her since I know you saw her in September? I don’t doubt she has her valid reasons for being cold toward you. Has she seen you like I saw you last night, John? Has she seen you so drunk you couldn’t stand? Has she been made to take care of the adolescent man who is supposed to be taking care of her? I left your apartment in disgust. I couldn’t even wait around long enough for Herc or Laf to arrive. I frankly didn’t care enough to wait. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :")


	26. Chapter 26

John: no response.

Rent was due that week. Alex had gathered up what was left of his paycheck to go and buy Philip’s new inhalers. $500. But at least he left with a filled prescription.

Alex was too tired to walk home. He caught the bus. He checked his phone.

John: no response.

Alex picked Pip up from the Washingtons, metaphorical tail between his legs. Pip was hugging Floppy, watching  _ Sesame Street _ , and Alex was reminded just how young he was. George and Martha off in their room, Alex slowly stepped toward his son, and before Pip could even notice him standing there, he pulled the boy into his arms.

“I’m sorry, Pip. I didn’t mean to get angry like that. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m sorry I did. I love you.”

Pip whimpered and pressed his face into Alex’s shoulder. Alex scooped him up, thanked the Washingtons, and brought him home.

 

John: no response.

“Ten seconds, Pip.”

Pip made it to seven.

“Try again.”

Six.

“Okay. We’ll do it again later.” Alex decided Pip was still worked up from earlier. Sometimes when Pip got upset it was more difficult for him to effectively take his medicine.

He put Pip down for a nap.

John: no response.

Alex got some homework done. And then some work he’d brought home from the firm. It could distract him. It accidentally distracted him from the weekly cleaning until he was just too tired to even keep his eyes open.

John: no response.

 

> _ Eliza. _
> 
> _ You’ve been on my mind quite a lot these last couple of days. It’s been almost a week, in fact, since you’ve last exhibited the endless bounds of your kindness toward me, but I hear every day from my dear Pip how wonderful you are. _
> 
> _ I must confess something to you (and I hope you don’t mind what I share about a past relationship): I have determined that John and I are no longer an item. It was a good couple of months that we had together, but the wedge he drove between us this past Saturday feels too much to mend, and he has failed to reach out to work to mend it. I cannot bring myself to put more into a relationship than he has. I simply don’t have the time nor the energy to spend on someone who will not care enough about me to dignify my vulnerability with a response. _
> 
> _ I feel differently about you, Eliza. You have proven yourself to be caring to a fault. I could more easily see myself and my son with you in our life in the long-run than I could with John. Maybe I am being too forward, but I know you’ve been aware of my affections for sometime, and I have noticed how easily you reciprocate my feelings. _
> 
> _ I was wondering if you would be interested in joining Pip and I on a picnic tomorrow. _
> 
> _ Yours gratefully, _
> 
> _ Alexander _

Alex spent two anxious hours waiting on a reply. He sat on his own bed, watching Pip sleep. He was sleeping for quite a while again, but Alex again chocked that up to being tired from crying earlier.

Alex moved closer, listened to his son breathing. He was reminded briefly of when Pip was a little toddler, recovering from his bout of pneumonia, and Alex had to stay up with him to make sure nothing happened in the night.

That wasn’t so long ago.

Pip was still so small.

At around the same time Philip awoke, Alex received an email. It was from Eliza!

> _ Alexander, _
> 
> _ I’m sorry to hear about your relationship ending with John, but if you feel it is best for you, I’m glad you got out of it now rather than waiting for things to get worse. I hope he treated you well for the bulk of your time together. _
> 
> _ Your confession is impressively forward, and if I hadn’t already known you were seeking this kind of relationship with me, I might have been too embarrassed to accept your offer. As it is, I look forward to seeing you and Pip tomorrow! Just let me know when and where to meet you; I’ll bring some treats! _
> 
> _ Yours, _
> 
> _ Miss Eliza Schuyler _

Alex’s heart soared.

 

Pip helped Alex pack the basket. They made ham and cheese sandwiches; Alex cut the crust off Pip’s sandwich. Pip grabbed some Fruit Barrels out of the fridge.

“Daddy? Are we gonna see Theo today?”

“Not today, Pip. We’re going on a picnic with Miss Eliza.”

“Huh? Why?” The boy tensed up. “Am- Am I in trouble?”

“No, Pip, you’re not in trouble.” Alex kissed his head to reassure him. “Miss Eliza and I are friends, now, so I want to have a picnic with you two.”

Pip tilted his head in confusion. “But she’s my teacher!”

“I know, I know…” Alex laughed nervously, cheeks tinting pink.

“Is John going, too?”

Alex bristled. “No, he won’t be joining us.” He glanced at his phone. Nothing.

“Did you and him have a fight?”

Alex sighed and didn’t answer. Pip didn’t ask again.

 

They arrived at the park at noon. Eliza was in the specified location already, a white basket of her own resting on the bench next to her. Pip shouted out for her, getting her attention, and she waved, smiling brightly.

They laid out a blanket on the grass and ate their lunch. Pip finished his food quickly and begged Alex to go play on the nearby jungle gym. Alex decided to let him go play with the other children. “But at one you need to come back and take your medicine.”

“Okay, Daddy.” He hurried off.

“He’s a sweet kid, Alex. You’ve done very well with him.”

Alex blushed and smiled down at his folded knees. “There’s still plenty of time to prove myself an unfit father.”

“You care. You love him so much. That’s more than too many parents give to their children. I don’t think you’ll really have anything to worry about.”

“I… Thank you, Eliza.”

She gently laid her hand on top of his.

At almost one, Pip scraped his knee on the wood chips. He was crying when Alex rushed over, Eliza close behind him. “Pip! Aw, Pip, you’re okay. You’re okay, buddy, it’s just a little scrape.”

Pip sniffled and pressed himself against his father’s shoulder.

One of the boys Pip had been playing tag with scoffed. The boy was at least two years older than Pip. “What a crybaby!”

Alex sighed as Pip cried harder. “Hey, kid. It’s a shame that your parents have taught you that it’s shameful for boys to cry, but please don’t try to push that view onto my son.”

Eliza watched on with a hidden smile, but the smile quickly dropped as another man, presumably the other boy’s father, came lumbering over.

“What’d you say to my kid?”

Alex stood his ground, but held Pip in the safest position he could. “I said that it’s a shame you taught him it’s shameful for boys to cry—”

“Alexander!”

The man cut him off with a punch to the face.

“Daddy!”

Alex winced and touched his tender jaw. It wasn’t broken, but it would be sore for a while. He was just glad Pip was on his other side.

“Come on, Pip, let’s go take your medicine.” Alex carried Pip away from the scene. Pip was sobbing, Eliza followed them, watching in worry.

“Alex! That man just assaulted you—”

“It’s fine, Eliza, I’d rather just get Pip to use his inhaler now.”

She frowned deeply and stalked back off toward the man.

“Eliza?”

Alex could only watch as Eliza seemed to be telling the man off. He couldn’t hear her from here (she didn’t seem to raise her voice at all), but whatever it was it sent the man away, shoulders hunched. Defeated.

Alex watched her return, a wistful smile on his face.

 

“Okay, Pip, breathe.” He needed to get Pip calmed down so he could take his medicine.

Pip was hiccupping and sobbing still, having difficulty calming down. Alex was worried this would turn into an asthma attack, and dug through his bag for Pip’s emergency inhaler.

Eliza leaned in closer. “May I?”

Alex looked her over in some confusion, but nodded.

Eliza folded her legs up under her and pulled Pip into her lap, one arm wrapped gently around him, the other stroking his hair. Alex watched, and then listened as she started singing a sweet song to him. Alex couldn’t catch the words to the tune as he focused on his son.

And although the wheezing continued, the sobbing subsided, and with it the hiccups.

“You really are an angel from Heaven, aren’t you?”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER. TRIPLE UPDATE DAY. *off-key kazoo*

From that week on, they went on weekly picnics. Sometimes Aaron and little Theo joined them, sometimes Aaron would just drop Theo off with them so he could run errands. Sometimes Pip would beg Eliza to teach him more ASL, but not wanting him to get too ahead of the rest of his class participating in the afterschool lessons, she mostly worked on strengthening what he’d already learned. Alex tried to follow along, learn a little bit for himself, but it only ever made him think of John.

 

It was late November when he heard from John again.

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex. I wanted to thank you. When I first read your last message, it hit me as harsher than necessary. I chocked it up to coming at a bad time (I was horribly hungover) so I looked at it again the next day when I was feeling better. And then it made sense, and I was able to take what you said to heart. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ To answer your questions from that night: Before that night, I had last seen Cece three weeks earlier. In the meantime, she and I would text through her mother’s phone, but Maddie wasn’t always very reliable in showing my messages to Cece. I can’t really blame her; she’s very busy, sometimes she forgets. It’s not her fault. But also, Cece has never seen me drink like that. I can’t say I’ve never drank when she was around, but never heavily, just enough to stave off the sickness that comes on when I go too long without it. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Since that night, I’ve gone to Danbury every weekend to visit. I make sure to tell Cece I wish I could be around more, that I would try to be around more, to be there for her. I know she doesn’t believe me yet. I don’t blame her; she has every reason not to believe it. So I’m working to prove it to her. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I didn’t want to reach out to you until I’d made some progress. You’ve inspired me to be a better father. I know I’ll never be as good a dad as you are, but I’ll aspire to that level nonetheless.  _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I miss you, Alex. A lot. _

Alex tried to ignore the message.

He tried to forget John.

But he didn’t want to.

 

It was the last weekend of November. Philip’s nose was nipped by the cold, gone bright red. Alex knew this would be the last picnic before winter came, but he’d find ways for them to get together with Eliza still.

Theo was joining them at the playground. Aaron hurried off as soon as he could. Alex suspected something might be going on with him, but he didn’t get a chance to ask Aaron before he was gone. And he definitely wasn’t about to ask the four-year-old.

Pip and Theo ran off to the swings. Alex watched Pip carefully, worried about the effect of the cold air. But Pip seemed to be doing just fine, so he stayed settled with Eliza on the thick blanket.

Eliza was quiet but smiling. Alex smiled back at her and took her hand, bringing it up to kiss the knuckles. She smiled a bit brighter and moved closer. If asked, she’d use the chill as an excuse to snuggle up to the man next to her.

“I’ve… heard from John.”

That seemed to be the last thing Eliza was expecting to hear. “Oh? What did he say? Is he doing alright?”

Alex nodded shallowly. “He’s trying to be a better father to his daughter.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

Alex shrugged.

“What’s wrong? Are you still upset with him?”

“I don’t know. I think so. I don’t know.”

“Have you… thought about seeing him again?”

He sighed heavily. “I’ve tried to think against it. But… he says he misses me. And… And when I think about it for too long, I find myself missing him, too.”

She leaned against his shoulder and let a few minutes linger in silence. “You want to go back to him?”

Alex felt a longing pang in his chest. “I… would at least like to see him again. Talk things out. See where we go from there.” He looked at her for a long moment. “Would you be upset if he and I got back together?”

“No.”

“Would you leave me?”

She ran a hand lightly up and down the sleeve of his thin jacket. She looked lost in thought, not meeting his eyes, and Alex worried he’d made a terrible mistake, and then, “No.”

Relief washed over him.

“Go ahead, Alex. Talk things out with him. Don’t lower your standards, don’t put yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, but maybe be willing to meet him where he is.”

“I will.”

 

Alex decided they would go home when Aaron came to pick Theo up, which was around four. He still looked frazzled, barely noticed Alex or Eliza as he called Theo away from the jungle gym.

The girl had tear streaks on her face, and Alex didn’t have time to ask what had happened before they were gone.

Alex ran over to the playground.

“Pip! Pip, where are you?”

“I’m here, Daddy…”

Alex gestured that Eliza could return to the blanket before climbing in behind the son, trying to sit comfortably on the wood chips. “Pip? What happened?”

Pip’s face was buried in his knees. Alex waited, and waited, and finally Pip surfaced from the crest. His face was ruddy and there were a couple of tears in his eyes, but they looked fresh and not ripe to fall.

“Are you ready to talk?”

Pip sniffed and nodded.

“Okay. What happened.”

“Theo— Theo kissed me.”

Alex’s eyes widened, jaw dropping slightly. His brain short-circuited a little bit, but he made sure not to let the stunned silence go on too long. “Oh, did she? Did you like it?”

Pip nodded and buried his face back in his knees.

Alex smiled softly and rubbed his son’s back. “So why do you seem so upset?”

“Theo— Theo’s mommy’s really sick. It’s making her really sad. I tried to make her feel better, told her jokes, drew her a picture in the sandbox. And then we came here to hide from everyone else so no one had to see her crying except me! She hugged me. I hugged her back. And then she kissed me!” He crawled into Alex’s lap. “And then her daddy came to pick her up.”

Alex ruffled his hair. “That was your first kiss, buddy!”

“I… I guess it was!” He looked suddenly overcome with joy. “Theo kissed me! Daddy, Daddy, that means she likes me too!”

Alex chuckled and pulled him into a hug. “Well, you two will have to talk about that some more. Maybe you could show her your poem.”

“I will!”

“Are you ready to go home now?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want to go say goodbye to Miss Eliza?”

“Yes!”

Alex let him crawl out from under the slide before crawling out himself. “We won’t be having more picnics until the spring, Pip. But we’ll find another way to see Miss Eliza on the weekends.”

“Theo too?”

Alex laughed. “Theo too.”

They said goodbye to Eliza. When Pip wasn’t watching, the adults snuck a quick smooch.

 

At home, Alex made spaghetti for dinner, and did a bit of work while they ate. After figuring out there was nothing in urgent need of getting done, he decided he needed to talk to Aaron.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Hey Aaron, I’m just wondering, is everything alright? You barely made eye contact today, didn’t stick around long enough to really say hello or goodbye. Not to mention, Pip told me about some things Theo told him with her mother. Is Theodosia alright? I’m here to talk if you need it. _

While he was at it, Alex sent another message.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ John. I’m glad to hear you’re working to do better by your daughter, and I can’t help but feel flattered by your comments regarding my influence on you. As it turns out, after a whole month without seeing you, I am missing you, too, or at least the good times we spent together. I’d like to renew those times, but only if we can discuss the issues more fully. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENTS KEEP ME GOING


	28. Chapter 28

Alex and John arranged to meet after Alex got out of work on Thursday. They were going to meet at the school library. They were going to talk things over, just the two of them and their trusty whiteboard. That was the plan.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Hey, John, I can’t come meet with you today. Pip’s got a bad cold and the Washingtons are out of town until Monday. I have to stay at home with him. I’m sorry. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ No problem, Alex! _

Alex sat at the head of his son’s bed, gently stroking his hair as he slept. Alex would have to work from home, but quietly; Pip needed rest to feel better, and Pip certainly wouldn’t want to be sick on the weekend. Alex didn’t need to wake him up again until lunchtime.

Alex worked through the rest of the morning, occasionally checking Pip for a fever or wiping his nose, every time the boy coughed sending a chill through his father. Alex found that he wasn’t terribly productive, at least by his own standards; everything was still done by noon.

 

“Pip? Pip, come on, wake up. You’ve gotta eat something, buddy.”

Pip groaned and turned over a few times before finally starting to sit up. Alex had to gauge how much of the dramatics was actually Pip not feeling well versus how much he was just being resistant. And that became especially pertinent when he needed to take his inhaler after lunch.

Alex was well-prepared for Pip not getting it all on the first try. Even the second. On the third, Alex had to stress the importance of Pip trying to keep it in as long as he could. “It’ll keep you from feeling any worse.”

Pip whined but tried again. Alex counted for him.

“Okay, let it out, you’re good. Great job, buddy.”

Pip started coughing immediately.

Alex made him a grilled cheese and poured him a glass of orange juice.

At almost three, there was a knock on the door. With some confusion and hesitation, Alex answered it.

John stood in the doorway, trademark smile contagious, a Hello Kitty backpack in hand. He waved at Alex and then at Pip further inside.

Alex smiled and stepped aside so he could come in.

John sat on the sofa and immediately began unpacking the Hello Kitty bag. Inside: lotion-infused tissues, lemon cough drops, a green plaid scarf, Don Bluth’s  _ An American Tail _ , a bag of gummy bears, and a spiral notebook with dinosaurs on the cover.

Pip watched with increasing interest as each item was unpacked.

John pulled the whiteboard and marker out of his own bag.  _ This is all for you, bud. Hope you feel better! _

Pip took only a moment longer to read it than Alex himself would, and he let out a squeak of gratitude.

Alex watched on, leaning against the doorjamb, laughing softly.

Alex set up the movie for Pip, and as the boy dug in to his gummy bears, Alex pulled John into the bedroom. John was scribbling something on the whiteboard as he was dragged along.

_ Sorry, Alex, I can go now if you want _

Alex stared at the message in some confusion, and took the board and marker from him.  _ Why would I want you to go? _

_ You weren’t expecting me. I sort of just showed up. I just wanted to bring that stuff for Pip. _

Alex hesitated a long moment.  _ To get to me? _

_ What? _

Alex flinched.  _ Never mind. Do you want to talk now? _

_ Yeah. Is there anything else you wanted to say to me? After last time. _

_ I  _ (Alex paused)  _ was really angry with you that night. I couldn’t stand the thought of you going out and getting drunk like that in place of taking care of your daughter. _ He glanced pointedly out the door.  _ I’m sure you can imagine why. _

_ I know. I’m sorry.  _ John paused for a long moment, biting his lip. Resistance flashed behind his eyes as he turned the board to face Alex.  _ I’ve had a problem for a while. _

Alex nodded slowly, and took the board back more gently, letting his fingertips gently run over John’s knuckles.  _ I understand. Admitting it will help you get help. _ He didn’t want to push on the matter; John was clearly uncomfortable talking about it in the first place, he didn’t want to make it worse.

When Alex looked back up, he saw John was shaking, but he also took the board back and wrote quickly.

_ Cece’s coming to stay with me next weekend. It’s going to be the last time I see her before Christmas, so I’m making the most of it for her. We’re going bowling on Saturday! I was wondering if you and Pip wanted to join us. _

Alex thought it over for a moment.  _ If Pip’s feeling better than, yeah. We’ll be there. _ He looked at John again. He was smiling again. Alex smiled back.  _ Do you want to stay the night? _

_ I’d love to. _

 

It wasn’t until that Saturday morning that Alex remembered to text Eliza.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Hey! Pip and I are meeting up with John and his daughter today; can we do a raincheck on the movie? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Oh, yeah, okay. Have you two made up? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Yeah. Things are better again. He and I are talking now; he’s doing better. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ I’m glad. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’ll see you tomorrow? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ I’ll see you then! Have fun. _

Alex and Pip met with John and Cece at a bowling alley just outside the city. It had been a long series of bus rides, but Alex repeatedly assured Pip that he would have fun. Pip had never bowled before.

When they arrived, before either John or Cece saw them there, the father and daughter pair looked to be having fun playing a card game on the bench outside. Cece was laughing, even. Alex smiled, holding Pip’s hand as they came up on the bowling alley.

John was the first one to spot Alex and Pip approaching, and he waved cheerily, and pulled out his phone. Alex’s smile fell slightly as he watched Cece cross her arms and break eye contact with everyone.

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex! Hey! You and Pip ready to have some fun? _

Alex passed the message along to Pip. Now that the long bus ride was over, Pip was his usual bundle of energy. “Yeah!”

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Well, Pip is definitely ready to have fun. It so happens that I am, too. _

The four headed inside, and rented their shoes and their lane (John paid). Alex went to find one of those iron slides that could help the children aim the ball. Cece insisted she didn’t need it, but John pulled out the bumpers to block the gutters, and patted and kissed her head. She pulled away.

The game proceeded pleasantly enough. John and Alex both cheered for the kids when they knocked as much as one pin down. Alex making enough noise for the both of them, John animatedly signing to Cece, saying something that made her face burn every time. She tried to hide it, but her cheeks were fire engine red. Alex decided she must have inherited her fair skin from the enigmatic Maddie. She had her father’s freckles, though.

They went in ascending age order, except that Cece insisted on going first, grumbling something about wanting to get it over with. John fondly indulged her. The seats behind the scoring screen only allowed for three of them to sit at a time. 

Cece stood up for most of the game, except for when failing to sit down meant that John and Alex would be sitting next to each other. 

Just before the end of the first round, John and Cece had a brief conversation that ended with the little girl in tears. John hugged her, rubbing her back to calm her down. Cece clung to her father, and glared at Alex over his shoulder when Alex looked over in concern.

They played one more round, Cece even more reluctant than before but participating nonetheless. John gave her a dollar in quarters for the claw machine while he and Alex, with Pip on his father’s hip, ordered their lunch at the snack bar.

Alex pulled out his wallet to pay for the pizza.

John swatted it away and paid for it instead.

Alex took John by the chin and turned his face to look at him. Alex gave him a pointed look, and put his wallet back on the counter. He knew John couldn’t read lips well, but maybe he could catch one word. “Please.”

And John, reluctantly, relented.

Cece was in a worse mood after winning nothing from the claw machine, so they decided to eat their lunch and call it a day.

> **_John:_ ** _ Did you have fun? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I would’ve been happier if I’d one. I’ll kick your ass next time. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Any other ass-related promises you want to make? ;) _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ John! In front of the children?! _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ They don’t know xD _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ :p _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Let us take you home. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ No, Pip has a doctor appointment. It’s on the way home, and it’s early enough that the bus can get us there on time. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Are you sure? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’m sure. But thank you, Jacky. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Okay. Text me when you get there. And when you get home. Keep me updated on Pip, too! _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I will, I will, and I will! _

John leaned in and lightly kissed his cheek. They waited together for the bus, and John watched Alex and Pip driven off.

 

Pip got through his appointment fine. The doctor recommended that Pip stay on his stronger prescription indefinitely, suggesting even that he might need something stronger. Alex demanded to know why the new medicine wasn’t working like it should, why he had to keep paying for this more expensive medicine when Pip’s asthma had been well under control until just a couple of months ago.

The doctor’s gaze was stern. “Well, there’d be more signs of improvement if he was taking it regularly.”

And Alex lost it then.

“I don’t see any of you paying $250 every two weeks, but at least you’d be able to afford it! Either make him better, or tell me I can put him on the last scrip!”

He really, genuinely, hadn’t meant for his frustration to come out in front of Pip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! :) If you're at a loss for what you can say, here's a couple of ideas!  
> 1) What's your favorite line or dialogue or prose from the story so far?  
> 2) Which character in this story is your favorite? Why?  
> 3) What do you think will happen next?


	29. Chapter 29

Pip didn’t cry this time. That only made Alex feel worse, as he watched Pip curl up on the sofa, knees tight against his chest, making himself as small as possible.

Alex made rice and beans for dinner. Pip’s favorite. Pip ate in silence, mostly just pushing the food around his plate. He put on  _ An American Tail _ , the copy that John had bought for him, a movie that Pip had immediately fallen in love with. Pip cried silently when Fievel was separated from his family, but otherwise didn’t react in any way that Alex could see. Alex read him  _ Matilda _ before bed, losing track of time as he desperately tried to make his son feel better, until it was two hours past Pip’s bedtime.

Pip was still awake. He hadn’t looked at Alex all evening. And it broke Alex’s heart to pieces.

“Pip. Philip. Talk to me. Please.”

“I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t wanna make you sad.”

“Oh, Pip…” Alex swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. “Pip, is this about what I said at the doctor’s office?”

“I made Daddy sad…”

“No, no, Pip, you didn’t. It wasn’t you. I’m sorry you thought I was upset with you.”

Pip was silent for a moment before finally looking up at his father. “Daddy? How much is two hundred and fifty dollars?”

Alex sighed. “It’s not too much, baby. It’s just enough for medicine that keeps you from getting sick.”

Pip’s eyes remained dim for a full minute of silence before lighting up. “Daddy! What if I don’t take it that much? Then it’ll last longer.”

Alex blanched. “No, Pip, we’ve talked about this. You need to take it three times a day in order for it to work. If you don’t, you’ll get sick.”

“But it’ll last longer!”

“But it will be for nothing, because you’ll get sick.”

“What about my old medicine? Was that less money?”

“... It was, Pip. But it’s not strong enough to help you anymore.”

“Well, what about when we run out? We can get my old medicine. And maybe the next time we could get the new one. It’ll save your money, right, Daddy?”

Alex stroked his son’s hair gently. “Let’s go to sleep, Pip, alright? It’s past your bedtime, and mine.”

Pip whined quietly and let Alex tuck him in, giggled when Alex kissed his nose.

“Good night, Pip.”

“Night, Daddy…”

 

Alex was called into his boss’s office first thing Monday morning. Alex felt like he couldn’t breathe, and only barely kept himself from adjusting his binder at work.

He tried and failed to prepare himself for the worst. By the end of the day he might be out of a job. He’d gotten this position through George, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to get another. He couldn’t go back to working minimum wage; he couldn’t afford to. If he lost his job, or had to work minimum wage somewhere else, he wouldn’t be able to afford the necessities of his life.

First priority, food. They could go cheap on that. Alex didn’t need to eat much. 

Second priority, Pip’s medicine and doctor appointments. If he couldn’t get adequate health insurance, that would drain what he could earn. Speaking of health insurance, well, Alex could go without T. It would kill him, but he could go without.

Third priority, rent. Whatever was left likely couldn’t afford even partial rent. Color drained from Alex’s face. He and Pip might end up homeless again. Or they might have to go live with the Washingtons, but Alex wasn’t sure he’d be able to even afford a contribution to their rent to stay with them.

He might lose Pip.

Alex only barely held back a sob as he entered his boss’s office. He felt so small. Weak.

“Alexander, good morning!”

“Good morning, sir…”

“Did you have a good weekend?”

“Yes, my son and I went bowling.”

“Ah, your son, how’s he doing?”

“Not well. His asthma isn’t as controlled as it used to be. Probably to do with the incident in September.”

“Oh gosh, well, tell me I said I hope he feels better.”

“I will. That’s very kind of you, sir.”

“Would you like a mint?”

“No, sir, thank you.”

“Well, you’re probably wondering why I called you in here so early.”

“It must be very important, sir.”

“Oh, it is! I’ve been reviewing your quarterly evaluation…”

“Yes, sir?”

“Your supervisor has only good things to say about you.”

“Sir?”

“You’re ‘punctual, thorough, ambitious… Will make a valuable asset to our firm, especially once he’ (meaning yourself) ‘gets his degree and passes the bar. Already proving to be knowledgeable and intelligent beyond how I can describe it.’ Ha. I was starting to wonder whether his praise of you was exaggerated.”

“Sir…”

“But I’ve looked over your work, surveying the last six months you’ve spent with us. And… well, I agree.”

Alex’s breath caught in his throat. His boss leaned forward on his desk.

“Alexander, what I’m about to offer you is frankly unprecedented in our firm. Frankly, I’m ashamed of you for accepting pennies for your superb work, and ashamed of myself that I’ve allowed you to work for so little.”

Alex choked on anticipation and tears. 

“Our profit has been growing the last two years, but we’ve yet to catch up on distributing the growth to our associates. And, frankly, not all of our paralegals will be getting an equal share. But I can see the immense potential in you, Alexander. Let’s make a resolution: in the new year, you’ll be receiving a 30% raise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't let Pip be sad for too long ;w;  
> Also this chapter is shorter but I wanted to end it on a happy note... :')
> 
> Please let me know what you think! :) If you're at a loss for what you can say, here's a couple of ideas!  
> 1) What's your favorite line or dialogue or prose from the story so far?  
> 2) Which character in this story is your favorite? Why?  
> 3) What do you think will happen next?


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno if anyone cares but the fandom's idea that John would be holding Alexander back from getting in fights is just hilarious to me.

When Alex came to, he was propped up against the wall, his boss knelt in front of him.

“Alexander? Are you alright?”

And for one terrible moment, Alex thought he may have only dreamed of the raise. He swallowed thickly. He felt faint again.

“Stay with me, Alexander. Do you need me to call for an ambulance?”

“No,” Alex choked. “No, just, tell me… Am- Am I getting fired?”

“What? No, I’ve just offered you a raise. You passed out after I said so.”

“I… Thank you, sir. You couldn’t imagine how grateful I am.”

His boss patted him on the shoulder. “You’ve got a bright future, kid.”

And for once in his life, Alex felt like this might be the case.

 

Alex had a date with Eliza that night. He met her at a restaurant around the corner from the school at five-thirty. Alex didn’t like coming in the same clothes he’d worn all day, but at least they were professional. Perk of working at a law firm. If only he hadn’t stained his tie with the sesame chicken at lunch.

And when he saw Eliza, he definitely felt like a schlub.

She was in a light blue dress, a navy ribbon around the waist, and white heels. Alex grinned. “Surely you didn’t dress in that for school.”

She laughed and tucked a strand of slick black hair behind her ear. “I brought a change of clothes to work, and got changed in a bathroom stall.”

“Sexy.”

They both laughed and took their spots at a booth. “How was work?” Eliza asked, barely glancing at the menu in front of her.

Alex could barely contain his excitement. “They’re offering me a raise. A big one. Thirty percent.”

She stared at him in shock, a grin slowly coming to her open mouth. “Oh my god, Alex, that’s amazing! Congratulations!”

“Thanks… It came as a shock, honestly. I went in to my boss’s office expecting to be fired…”

“Why would you think you were getting fired?”

Alex didn’t have an answer to that.

Eliza sighed softly, reaching across the table to take his hand. “You say all the time how brilliant and talented you are, but when you never seem to truly believe it…”

“I do believe it,” he lied. “But sometimes it’s difficult to put the belief into practice, even in my own head.”

Eliza smiled and gave him a break, looking at the menu. “What are you in the mood for?”

 

They ordered and ate their dinner, talking, laughing, taking forever to eat when they could barely resist the urge to remain in one another’s eyes.

“How’s Pip doing?”

Alex was surprised it took so long for this to come up. “He’s doing fine. He’s still on the stronger medication, seeing when he might be able to move back to a smaller dose. Gotta make sure he takes it regularly. Lately he’s been having a hard time getting it all in one go.”

Eliza winced. “I hope he starts to feel better soon. If it helps at all, he’s doing just fine in class.”

“That’s good.” Alex shook the topic off. “So, what have you been up to when you’re not educating my son?” He leaned one cheek in his hand, eagerly anticipating hearing about her weekend.

“I spend the weekend at home with my sisters. Peggy and I were making wedding favors.”

“Wedding favors? Who for? Not Peggy, surely, she’s so young!”

Eliza laughed. “No, for Angelica. But yes, eighteen is definitely too young.” She sipped on her drink, not noticing Alex’s stare.

“Angelica? Getting married?”

She nodded. “To a former secretary of hers.”

“Oh… I didn’t know.”

“She’s never been very open about her personal life. Have you two been in contact aside from when you’ve come over to our house?”

“Not frequently. Once in a while, mostly talk of politics or philosophy. You’re right, she never impressed me as very open.”

“I’m going to be her maid of honor.” She had a small smile of gratification as she mentioned this, as if she had won something.

“Are you excited?”

“Sure. Stressed, mostly. Angelica has almost no time to plan the wedding so I’m left with most of the work. I don’t mind, I’d do anything for my sister, but it can be pretty draining.”

Alex took her hand and kissed the knuckles. “You’re a sweet young woman, Eliza. Generous to a fault.”

“Mm. Thank you, Alexander.” She let her hand remain in his. “Have you and John gotten back together?” Alex nodded. “And how’s that going?”

“Better. He’s been working hard to see his daughter more, making weekly trips up to Connecticut… It’s nice. It’s something we can bond over.”

It was clear she didn’t want the conversation to steer further toward John. “So, anyway—”

 

> **_Alex:_ ** _ I want to see you. Soon. I miss you. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ How about tomorrow? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ No, too long, much too long. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Alex, I’ll only be gone a week. I’ll see you as soon as I get back. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Can you come over tonight? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Alex _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Pip is sleeping over his friend’s house. I want you, John. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Right now? What’s going on? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’m _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Okay, I’m horny. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ xD _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ :c Don’t laugh at me. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ No, I’m sorry, it’s fine, but you could’ve just said so! _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ So can you come tonight? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Well I’ll definitely try to COME tonight ;)) _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ ... _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ You’re not funny. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Oh but I am! _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’ll see you soon? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I’m on my way! _

 

Alex pulled out the whiteboard, hands shaking in his post-orgasmic haze.  _ Was I too rough? _

It took a moment to get John to read it. John, panting heavily, took the marker and board.  _ I don’t know about ‘too’ rough, but you were very rough. _

The strap-on had been what John jokingly called an early Christmas present for Alex. And Alex had made good use of it.  _ You done for the night? _

_ Yes. _

_ Do you need anything? _

_ Some water, and then I wouldn’t mind some cuddling. _

Alex smiled and kissed his sweaty temple before climbing out of the bed to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. When he returned and noticed John had not moved to sit up, Alex maneuvered him for himself. He climbed back over him and got comfortable against John’s side, but he noticed too that he hadn’t taken a sip of the water.

_ Thirsty? _

But John was asleep.

Alex just moved him to lie back down, snuggled closer, and fell asleep with him.

 

John was quiet.

To the untrained ear, John was most often quiet, but Alex had grown accustomed to the squeak of a dry erase marker, the un-self-conscious laugh that echoed through the apartment at almost random intervals.

They’d found much to admire in each other these last few months. Even when he was upset with him, Alex couldn’t help but aspire to John’s lust for life, his carefree happiness.

John was neither carefree nor happy that morning. And that was enough to worry his lover.

_ What’s going on? _

But John avoided looking at the board, arms crossed tight against his chest, shoulders uncommonly hunched. Alex stepped around to get in his line of sight again.

_ John, something’s clearly wrong. _ He gently touched his cheek, only to find it wet. John wasn’t crying, but a stray tear or two could be found occasionally rolling down his warm cheeks.

At long length, he took the board, and scribbled an answer.

_ Who’s Eliza? _

Alex was stunned, mouth hanging slightly open, eyes wide. 

He took the board back, wiping it with his sleeve, accidentally erasing the heart from the corner. 

_ Why do you ask? _

_ Her name’s on your calendar. ‘Date with Eliza.’ Who is she to you? _

Alex took a deep, steadying breath.  _ My girlfriend, of sorts. _

John was visibly shaking, snatching the marker back and gripping it so tight his knuckles turned white. He couldn’t write for a long moment. He looked like he was in physical pain.  _ How long until you were going to tell me? _

_ John, I did tell you I might start seeing her as well. _

_ But you never said that you went and did it! Why didn’t you tell me? _

Alex sighed heavily.  _ My personal life is frankly none of your business. _

Wrong answer.

John slammed the board on the table and stormed out of the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Please let me know what you think! :) If you're at a loss for what you can say, here's a couple of ideas!  
> 1) What's your favorite line or dialogue or prose from the story so far?  
> 2) Which character in this story is your favorite? Why?  
> 3) What do you think will happen next?


	31. Chapter 31

Alex couldn’t afford to let Pip believe in Santa Claus. He could remember himself in kindergarten, coming back to school after Christmas break and wondering why his classmates got such extravagant gifts from Santa while he had only gotten a couple of stocking stuffers. What had he done wrong? Why did Santa pass him up?

Well, because there was no Santa, of course, and his parents couldn’t afford to give him the same expensive presents from the jolly old fat man that some other children did.

So rather than put Pip through the same confusion, only to realize the traditional Christmas hoax, he just told him from the beginning that Santa wasn’t real, that any presents he unwrapped that morning had come from his father or others that loved him.

Pip seemed to like that version better.

But it had some adverse effects when he took the truth to school.

Pip had a swollen lip and bloody nose when Alex arrived at the principal’s office. The small room was already crowded: the school principal, of course; Pip sitting in a too-large chair, whimpering and holding an ice pack to his face; Eliza standing behind the chair, one hand gently on the boy’s shoulder; another teacher that Alex didn’t recognize, looking disappointed, standing in the corner up against some cabinets; a short man with a thick mustache; and the little brat who started it all.

Alex only barely kept from blowing up. His skin felt tight, stretched, as if he was literally about to explode. The boy who’d punched his son in the face was two years older and a full head taller than Pip. Alex could only keep from taking revenge by redirecting his attention to the principal.

“What’s going to be done about this?” When Alex was angry, his voice became cold, measured, low… Low and deep enough that he would be impressed with himself in any other situation. “This boy punched my son—”

“Allegedly,” interjected who was apparently the boy’s father.

“This boy punched my son in the face. What is going to be done about it?”

While the principal spewed some shit about diffusion of responsibility, while the older boy stuck to a false accusation that Pip had hit him too (though he was apparently smart enough not to claim that Pip had hit first), Alex laid a firm but steadying hand on Pip’s shoulder, squeezing gently. Pip wasn’t crying anymore, and clung to his father’s hand with both of his own.

“Philip has no history of violence—”

“Neither does George—”

“If you could stop interrupting me,  _ sir _ , I would greatly appreciate it. My son has a bloody nose and busted lip to show for your son’s ‘no history of violence.’ What does yours have to show for his claim that Pip struck him back?”

There was an agitated silence in the room. The teacher in the corner eventually spoke up.

“I saw what happened, Principal Perkins. Christmas came up on the playground. Philip Hamilton said that Santa Claus wasn’t real, and George punched Philip. Philip didn’t have a chance to hit back before Elizabeth intervened.”

Alex gently touched Eliza’s arm behind the back of the chair.

Principal Perkins looked overwhelmed, vulnerable in the way a city public school principal should never reveal. “I’ll… have to think about this further. In the meantime, well, I suppose Mr. Hamilton and Mr. Eacker can take their boys home…”

 

Alex had to get back to work, and with the nurse’s assurance that his nose wasn’t broken, that the swelling would go down soon, Alex took Pip back with him. 

At the law office, Pip was quiet for a long while before asking, “Daddy? Do I have to go back there?”

Alex sighed softly. There were only two days left before the school’s closed until the new year. With the noncommittal principal heading disciplinary action, Alex shook his head, smiling softly at his son. “No. You can stay home with Mr. and Mrs. Washington.”

Pip smiled brightly, sniffing up a bit of blood. Alex winced at the wet sound, and held a tissue to his nose. “Keep this here.”

“I like these tissues, Daddy.” His voice was stuffy with his nose covered. “These are the soft ones John got us!”

Alex tensed up and tried to get some work done. Pip sat at the empty desk next to him, drawing (his colleague was out for the day, and Alex was sure he wouldn’t mind if Pip drew him a picture).

The weight Alex felt in his chest when he thought about John was familiar from the month they were apart. But this time, it wasn’t because he was upset with John for a reason Alex played no part in. Quite the contrary, it felt more like an inexplicable guilt. Maybe it was because the last time he saw John he’d been crying, and they haven’t spoken since.

Alex shook it off. Maybe he’d talk to Eliza about it tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter because I didn't want to switch the perspective character in the middle ;D  
> Also, I can't forget that Eacker was significantly older than Philip, but for the purposes of this story they're about the same age... Not the first time in this fic I've manipulated ages!
> 
> Please let me know what you think! :) If you're at a loss for what you can say, here's a couple of ideas!  
> 1) What's your favorite line or dialogue or prose from the story so far?  
> 2) Which character in this story is your favorite? Why?  
> 3) What do you think will happen next?


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally get some more Eliza perspective, and she takes on a pretty important moment in the story! (Read on to learn more ;D)

Eliza loved finding excuses to stay in the city overnight. Sometimes with a friend, sometimes in a cheap hotel room, but mostly with Alex. She’d sleep on the couch, too shy to share a bed with Alexander when Pip shared the bedroom, but it was enough that she could see him more often.

This was probably a bad night to need Alex, but she needed Alex.

Eliza spent most of the afternoon reminding herself that she had done exactly what she could when the fight broke out. Actually, a couple of her colleagues that heard about the incident congratulated her on her quick thinking and action. So she tried to congratulate herself as well, if only to not add on to her existing stressors.

> **_Angelica:_ ** _ Lizzy, have you heard from the florist? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ No, and I called twice during my lunch. _
> 
> **_Angelica:_ ** _ Ah, alright. I have to go to DC next week, sudden change of plans. Could you meet with the venue director and rental company on Saturday? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Of course, Angie. _
> 
> **_Angelica:_ ** _ Thanks! _

It wasn’t that Angelica never expressed her gratitude. And it wasn’t like Eliza didn’t want to be the maid of honor in her wedding.

> **_Peggy:_ ** _ Lizzy! Have you seen my red folder? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ No, I haven’t. I’m not at home right now. _
> 
> **_Peggy:_ ** _ What? Where are you? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Going to Alex’s. _
> 
> **_Peggy:_ ** _ AGAIN? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Yes. _
> 
> **_Peggy:_ ** _ So I’m gonna be home all by myself tonight? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ You’ll survive. You have homework, don’t you? _
> 
> **_Peggy:_ ** _ Yes, MOM. _

It wasn’t that Peggy never left her alone, never let Eliza have her own life separate from her sisters. And it wasn’t like Eliza didn’t want to spend time with her little sister.

> **_Dad:_ ** _ Eliza? Peggy told me you’ve been spending time with a young man, but you’ve yet to introduce me to him. I would expect you wouldn’t go and betray your poor father’s trust by getting too involved with a man without knowing whether he’s really worthy of a Schuyler. I trust you’ll introduce him post haste. _

It wasn’t like Eliza felt she couldn’t have her own life, couldn’t escape middle child syndrome, made worse by her family’s status. Couldn’t measure up to the successes of her sisters with her meager position teaching kindergarteners, what her father had more than once called “glorified babysitting.”

But sometimes it was.

 

Eliza arrived to the Hamilton apartment at half-past six, a bag of takeout in one hand. Sandwiches, made to order, three in total. Alex said he’d provide the chips and drinks. They were watching  _ The Nightmare Before Christmas _ tonight. Pip had never believed in Santa, but according to Alex he could “still appreciate the Christmas mythos.”

But there was a change of plans; given the events of the day, Pip wasn’t exactly itching to watch a Christmas movie. Alex put on  _ Trolls _ instead. “It’s surprisingly not bad.”

They all sat together on the sofa, Pip squeezed between his father and his teacher, as they ate and watched the movie.

Pip looked between them several times, smiling. The swelling on his lips had gone down, but his nose was still bruised. Eliza was just thankful the other boy had only gotten one punch in. 

They mostly sat in silence until Alex got up to refill the bowl of chips. Pip turned to Eliza, fully, now that the two of them were alone. “Miss Eliza? Are you dating my daddy?”

The question definitely caught her off guard, but she just chuckled and took it with ease. “Yes, Pip. I am dating your daddy.”

Pip nodded. He was smiling, at least; that was important. “Okay. But don’t hurt him please? I don’t want my daddy to get hurt again.”

She frowned slightly. “I won’t hurt him, Pip. I won’t try to, at least. I don’t want to hurt him. But… what do you mean by ‘again’? Has someone hurt him before?”

Pip nodded. “Daddy and John are fighting again. John hasn’t been over in weeks! I think it’s making Daddy sad. He won’t talk about it, though.” His face lit up then. “Miss Eliza! Could you try to talk to Daddy about it? You make him feel better.”

She laughed softly, confused but willing to go along with it. “Yes, Pip, I’ll try.”

 

That night, once Pip was asleep, Eliza took the opportunity to keep her implicit promise to him. “Alexander?”

Alex was getting changed in the bathroom, but the door was open. Eliza was in the living room, facing away as she sat on the sofa, wanting to respect his privacy. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to see him changing, either, wasn’t sure if they were at that point in their relationship yet.

Honestly, Eliza didn’t know where they were in their relationship.

“Yeah, Liz?” He’d taken to the occasional nickname. But for the most part she was still Eliza.

“Pip told me you and John had another fight.”

She heard a heavy sigh from the other side of the door. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

But she was ready to accept the consequence of pushing him a bit. “Alex. This is the second time in the last couple of months that I know you two haven’t been speaking.”

“Eliza.”

“Alex? Could we have an open communication about this?”

“It’s not your business.”

“If it determines whether my boyfriend is dating someone else or not, it becomes my business.”

Her voice was stern. Eliza dared to expect that it would have the desired effect, that Alex would start to open up.

She didn’t expect to hear a sob from the bathroom.

“Alexander? Are you alright?”

“You’ve struck a raw nerve there, Elizabeth.” When he stepped out of the bathroom, his smile revealed itself as incongruent when tears twinkled in his eyes. “Open communication. The accusation of hiding your business from you.”

“Alex, I don’t know what you’re getting at here…”

Alex laughed. “I should have had this conversation with John earlier. Before he could storm out of my apartment. But he at least said that he’d be okay with it.”

“With what? With us being together?”

“He did. And then it seemed he went back on his word.”

Eliza stammered, processing. “... Alexander? Did you not tell him we were dating?”

“I shouldn’t have had to! It’s not like he’s the one dating you.” Alex stepped quickly forward, grabbing Eliza by the arms. She was too stunned to pull away. “I can care about him the same way I care about you, and he shouldn’t be in doubt of that! He has no right to assume that there was anything coming between he and I!”

Eliza pulled out of his hold, but she was still collecting her thoughts on the matter.

She found the best way she could think about it was to put herself in what she imagined to be John’s position. You’re dating someone, with the knowledge that your partner might start dating someone else, but there is no news that it’s started. How did he find out? Alex certainly hadn’t told him; Alex seemed to not think it was important information. He must’ve found out on his own.

She would be hurt. She might feel bretrayed, like her partner (Alex) hadn’t been upfront with her, like he was trying to keep his other partner a secret. And how could she know that the other person wasn’t in the same position? Eliza knew about Alex and John; but John didn’t know that any more than he knew about Alex and herself together?

She would need to think about that more.

But the suggestion that it wasn’t any of Alex’s partner’s business that he was also dating someone else? She knew how that felt directly, and immediately.

And Eliza had only met John rather briefly —once at the hospital, and the night the three had all spent together. But he’d left only a positive impression. Eliza didn’t know him terribly well, but she didn’t want to imagine him hurt.

And she didn’t want to be complicit in his pain.

“You should apologize,” she said quietly, eyes averted.

Alex laughed. The laugh felt cruel, but Eliza knew better.

“Alexander. You can take the chance to make ammends before it’s too late.”

“Too late for what?”

“To earn his forgiveness. Do you want to stay with him or not?”

Alex plopped down on the sofa. “Yes.”

“Then apologize.”

Alex just sat there, frozen like stone. Tears were building in his eyes again. “I don’t think I can at this point.”

“Can’t, or won’t?”

“Can’t.”

Eliza sighed and gathered up her coat and purse. “Good night, Alexander.”

“Eliza, wait—”

“When you can apologize to him, you can apologize to me. When you can earn his forgiveness, you can earn mine.”

She left him to mull that over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I'm pretty happy with this chapter!  
> It feels like the end of Act I! Our hero is (probably) at his lowest point!
> 
> Please let me know what you think! :) If you're at a loss for what you can say, here's a couple of ideas!  
> 1) What's your favorite line or dialogue or prose from the story so far?  
> 2) Which character in this story is your favorite? Why?  
> 3) What do you think will happen next?


	33. Chapter 33

Alex and Pip spent Christmas with the Washingtons. The Washingtons had a small Christmas tree off in the corner, brightly lit; Pip was picking candy canes off the branches.

“Philip, you’ll ruin your appetite for the delicious dinner Martha and I are cooking.”

“Oh, Alex, leave him be. Let him enjoy his Christmas.”

Pip was watching a VHS copy of  _ Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas _ for the third time that day, sucking on his fifth candy cane.

Martha nudged his shoulder. “Alex. Go on, spend some time with him.”

“I want to help you cook.”

“And I appreciate it. But I’ll get George to take over.” George was sitting in the living room with Pip. “Here, go switch places.” Before Alex could protest further, Martha called out, “George! Come help with the ham, let the boy spend some time with his father!”

George patted Alex’s shoulder as they crossed each other’s paths. Alex flinched away and hurried over to plop down on the sofa next to his son. Pip immediately climbed into his lap and offered Alex a taste of the peppermint.

“No, thank you, Pippy.” Though he couldn’t deny he was feeling a little nauseous, and the mint may help him feel better. Alex just hugged Pip tight around his waist, pressing his face into the boy’s black curls.

“The mama otter will do anything for her son!” Pip grinned, cheering as the special ended again. “Daddy? Would you do anything for me too?”

Alex smiled warmly and kissed his head. “Of course, baby. You’re my whole world.”

“I’d— I’d do anything for you too, Daddy!” Pip turned around on his lap and hugged Alex tight around his neck.

Alex stroked his hair gently. Almost a week since he’d last spoken to Eliza, and even longer since he’d last seen John, Alex was coming to reluctantly accept that it was just going to be him and Pip from here on out. The two of them against the world. That would be enough for him.

So why did he still feel sick? 

Must’ve been something he ate. Or didn’t eat.

“Rewind it, Daddy?”

“How about we watch another Christmas movie, Pip?”

Pip nodded, humming his assent, and hopped off of Alex’s lap to examine the shelves of movies next to the Washingtons’ TV. Alex watched him fondly, just barely hearing the laughter of George and Martha a few feet away.

“This one!”

_ Mickey’s A Christmas Carol _ . This one made Alex cry every year. 

He’d watch it for Pip. But seeing Mickey shed a single tear over his son’s grave before having to walk away? That nearly broke him.

“I’m sorry, I have to step out for a minute…” Alex carefully but quickly moved Pip off his lap.

“Daddy?”

Alex left the apartment and back to their own. He took a few deep breaths, then realized they weren’t enough and took his binder off to take deeper breaths.

Pip… Even the thought of having to bury his son brought Alexander to despair. He tried to intellectualize his reaction, trying to tell himself this was ridiculous, that it was a cartoon, that Pip was right there with him until he’d run off, that he needed to suck it up and go spend Christmas with his son. And we wanted to believe it, all of it. He shouldn’t be this emotional. 

Suck it up.

You fucking baby.

What if Pip saw you like this? You think he’d be proud?

_ Suck it up. _

 

Alex awoke to the sound of his phone ringing. His hands were numb as he answered it.

“Alex?”

“Huh?”

“Merry Christmas!” Aaron. His friend.

“Merry Christmas, Aaron. How’s Theo?”

“Theo’s doing well. She got almost everything on her Christmas list, so she’s just delighted. Theodosia’s doing pretty well, too. It’s a pretty good day all around so far!”

Alex smiled softly through his haze. “I’m glad, Aaron. I’m glad you’re having a good Christmas.”

“Hey, are you and John still together?”

Alex shuddered. “No. No, not really.”

“Oh. That’s a shame. I mean, was he good to you?”

Alex hesitated. “Yes.”

“That’s good. I’m sorry things didn’t work out.”

“Me too,” he answered before thinking about it. Sometimes his mouth moved quicker than his brain. Too often, apparently.

“How’s Pip doing?”

“He’s good.”

“Theo wants to say Merry Christmas to him. Could she?”

Alex nodded shallowly before realizing Aaron couldn’t see him. “Yeah, just a minute. He’s with our neighbors, I’ll have to go back to their place.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll hold.”

Alex returned to the Washingtons’ apartment and found Pip curled up on the edge of the sofa. He worried for a moment that he was upset, but when Alex could get a look at his face, it was evident he was just engrossed in the new film. Pip glanced up, smiling and reaching up for him.

Alex sat down with him and pulled Pip into his lap. “Hey, baby. Theo wants to say something to you.”

“Theo!” Pip grabbed at the phone and held it up to his ear. “Theo, hi!”

Alex watched, eyes adoring, as Pip had a long and childish and oh so innocent conversation with his best friend. Pip’s bright, happy eyes twinkled in the Christmas lights. Alex wanted to save this moment forever.

 

> _ Dear Alexander, _
> 
> _ Hey, how’re you doing? Well, I hope. Merry Christmas. I hope you spend it with your son and spend it well. _
> 
> _ I’m going to Danbury to spend Christmas with Cece. I’m not coming back to New York. Maddie’s gotten a job transfer down to Columbia (SC); my family lives twenty miles from where they’ll be living. So I’m leaving Columbia (the college. This is a weird coincidence). I’ll still be studying law at my father’s insistence. I can’t really complain, I’ve been living on his dime all these years. _
> 
> _ I’m still upset with you. I’m still hurt that you weren’t open with me, and annoyed that you thought it was none of my business. I’m hoping to get in contact with Eliza over break. She’s really nice, I’d like to be friends with her. But I don’t know if you and I are ever going to return to what we had. Again. _
> 
> _ Anyway. Maybe one day you’ll figure out how to be in a relationship with more than one person at once. I have no trouble believe you could collect people like trading cards; I almost can’t imagine anyone not being drawn to you. Even Jefferson and Madison admire you, even if they kind of hate you for the same reasons. _
> 
> _ You’re a nice guy, Alex. Intelligent, ambitious; you’ve got a lot ahead of you. And I hope you get all of it. I hope you get a job you love. I hope Pip can start feeling better on this stronger medicine. I hope you and Eliza and whoever else you decide to pursue will be happy together for a long time. I just don’t know if I’ll be part of it. _
> 
> _ Merry Christmas, Alex. Maybe we’ll meet again one day. _
> 
> _ Until then. _
> 
> _ John Laurens. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! :) If you're at a loss for what you can say, here's a couple of ideas!  
> 1) What's your favorite line or dialogue or prose from the story so far?  
> 2) Which character in this story is your favorite? Why?  
> 3) What do you think will happen next?


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo I made a little change to the last chapter? Instead of Raleigh John's moving to Columbia because Raleigh is not the fucking capital of South Carolina.
> 
> Also, so a couple of people are worried that Alex is pregnant. Angsty as I make my stories, I did want to entertain the idea (it wasn't intended, but people were reading it that way), but Alex doesn't bottom. So. Yeah.
> 
> Speaking of which, another briefly-considered-and-quickly-aborted idea that I had was exactly who Pip's other father was... given a... "family resemblance"... But I was just like (exact quote from my shower) "no, that's too soap opera-y!"

> **_John:_ ** _ Eliza? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Hello? Who’s this? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Sorry, this is John, we met through Alexander? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Oh, yes! Good morning, John, how are you? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I’m doing fine, I guess. Stressed, but hanging in there. How about you? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ I’m alright. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ I… heard about what happened between you and Alex. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Oh. Yeah. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Hey, if you’re worried that I’m mad at you, I never even considered it. But I did want to make sure you knew. I didn’t know whether he told you that he and I were seeing each other again. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Though… not anymore. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ I wish I knew he hadn’t told you before you had to find out for yourself. I would’ve made him tell you. I’m a little furious with him right now. I told him that I wouldn’t forgive him until you forgave him first. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Putting a lot of pressure on me, huh? Haha! _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ I didn’t mean it like that, LOL. I just mean that, like, until you’re okay with it I can’t be okay with it. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ And why’s that? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Honestly I don’t know. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ I think I just tried to put myself in your shoes, how I would feel if it had been the other way around. And it hurt just to think about, to find out that your partner had gone behind your back like that. He says he’d already discussed the possibility with you? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah, he did. I told him that I may or may not be okay with it, but I’d be willing to try it out. But he never told me he’d gone ahead and gotten together with you. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Okay. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Honestly the whole thing feels kind of stupid right now. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ How so? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I feel like I broke up with him over nothing. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Well, we haven’t officially broken up. I wrote him a letter that kind of made it clear that we’re no longer together, but I haven’t actually heard from him in like a month. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ But yeah. I’m feeling pretty stupid over it right now. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ You’re not stupid. You were hurt by something he did. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ And I don’t know if I want to get back with him now. But I don’t think I can, anyway. Too many things are in the way. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Maybe it’s just not meant to be. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah… _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Um, anyway, how was your Christmas? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ It was nice. Angelica got married on Christmas Eve. She’s in London for her honeymoon. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ London’s not very nice this time of year. Should’ve referred her to me, I could’ve gotten her a sweet deal at a resort in Miami. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_** _It’s a little late now, but I’ll keep that in mind!_
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ If you’re ever staying at a resort owned by Southern Comforts, let me know, I’ll hook you up. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I have to recommend Myrtle Beach? Come see me, we’ll hang out! _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Are you down there right now? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah. Well, just outside Columbia, so not too far away. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Still staying from Christmas? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah. Family. But I’ll be moving down here too. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Wait, really? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah. My daughter’s mother is moving here and I want to be closer to Cece than I’ve been before. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I have to say, if nothing else, Alex can definitely be motivating. You want to be more like him. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Even if not in every way. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Sure… _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Are you and Alex not together right now? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ I don’t think so.  _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Do you want to be? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ I don’t know. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Ha. We’re in the same boat. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ I don’t know if I can trust him. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I don’t blame you. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ But he’s been good to me otherwise. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Me too. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Why does he have to suck so much? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Why does he have to be so wonderful? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Why can’t I get him out of my mind? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Why can’t I bring myself to forgive him? _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ I guess we’ll have to wait and see. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ We’ll wait and see what he has to say. _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ He can try to earn our forgiveness. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ And we’ll see how we feel then. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end turned into a fucking musical number in my head. Just try to imagine this whole story as a Broadway production. Ft. the original cast!
> 
> Please let me know what you think! :) If you're at a loss for what you can say, here's a couple of ideas!  
> 1) What's your favorite line or dialogue or prose from the story so far?  
> 2) Which character in this story is your favorite? Why?  
> 3) What do you think will happen next?


	35. Chapter 35

“... 5… 6… 7…”

A harsh cough.

“Again. 1… 2…”

Another cough.

Dammit.

“One more. Come on, Pip, you’ve got this. 1… 2… 3…”

Pip just huffed it out and shook his head, eyes watering as he began coughing again.

Alex grabbed the emergency inhaler. Temporary relief. Everything was temporary.

The winter was proving unkind to them.

“Hold as long as you can. Keep trying until you start to feel better. Daddy’s so proud of you, Daddy loves you.”

Pip took two puffs before he signalled that he would be okay.

Bystanders at the bus stop watched on. Pip was fumbling to loosen his scarf; Alex helped.

The cold air was tight. Pip’s airway was tighter.

An older gentleman offered Alex his place on the bench. Alex thanked him silently and took a seat, pulling Pip onto his lap.

“Daddy… Can I stay home today?”

Alex bit his lip. The Washingtons had gone to visit family, and Alex had too many important obligations today to stay home with Pip. School in the morning, work in the afternoon and into the evening. He couldn’t afford to lose his scholarship; he couldn’t afford to lose his raise. Alex touched his son’s cheek gently. “Miss Eliza will help you if you keep feeling sick. Maybe she’ll send you to the nurse’s office to lie down. You need to keep your rescue inhaler on you today, alright? The nurse has an extra if you need it. Alright?”

Pip whimpered and nodded, pressing his face into Alex’s shoulder, before pulling away, panting.

Alex gently turned Pip’s face to look him in the eye. “Pip. Don’t hesitate to tell Miss Eliza if you need to go to the nurse. Don’t hesitate to tell the nurse if you need to go to the hospital. Okay? Promise me.”

Pip nodded, leaning in and kissing Alex’s cheek. He returned the gesture.

 

“Hamilton!”

It was the first time Alexander was seeing them in person. He hadn’t even caught which one had shouted his name. He’d never seen pictures of them, either. But from the moment he encountered them in the hallway, he had no doubt who they were, or which one was which.

“Jefferson. Madison.” He nodded his acknowledgement at them in turn, arms laden with heavy texts. He knew he was looking a little worse for wear, and he became acutely aware of his placement on the social ladder in such a prestigious school.

On another day, Alexander might have been able to make himself a commanding presence. Not today. How inconvenient.

“Good morning, gentlemen. Are we ready for our role-play?”

“Well,  _ we _ certainly are.” It was no shock that Jefferson spoke for the both of them. “But are you?”

“Yes, of course.” And Alex could give him this much credit: he was. Overprepared, perhaps. This would be a quick and easy mock case.

The assignment went off without a hitch. Alex never felt more powerful than he did in front of a jury (even if the jury only consisted of his classmates). He could play to all his strengths: persuasive, articulate, charismatic, relentless. His professor called him a natural.

Jefferson and Madison did not make the best witnesses, really, but Alex would call that his own opinion. His paraprofessional opinion, and those were usually right.

 

Later that morning, Alex caught the two of them making out in the bathroom.

 

At noon, Alex got a call from the school. Alex’s hands were shaking as he answered. “Hello? What’s wrong? Is Pip okay?”

“Mr. Hamilton, hello! This is Ms. Walton, one of the school nurses. I just wanted to let you know that Philip had a mild flare-up during P.E., and had to use his rescue inhaler. He’s fine now; he’s having a lie-down in my office—”

“Can I speak to him?” Alex’s throat felt tight, but the anxiety was slowly subsiding.

“He’s asleep right now. Do you want me to wake him?”

“Please.”

There was some shuffling on the other end before Alex could finally sigh in relief when he heard his son’s voice. “Daddy?”

“Hey, baby.” Hearing the sleep in his son’s voice, he almost wished he’d just let him be. “How’re you feeling?”

“Kinda sore…” He yawned steeply. “But better. Ms. Walton is watching me.”

“You’re breathing fine?”

“Uh huh.”

“Did you take your regular dose?”

“Yeah. Ms. Walton gave it to me before I fell asleep.”

“Good, good.” Alex made a split second decision. “I’ll be there to pick you up from school today. We’ll stop at the store on our way home. Think about what snack you wanna get.”

“Okay, Daddy!” The boy’s excitement was evident, but he was quieter than usual.

“O-Okay, Pippy. I’ll see you after school. Be good for Ms. Walton.”

“Mhm.”

“Alright. I’ll see you later. I love you.”

“Love you too, Daddy!”

Alex reluctantly hung up. His head fell into his hands.

Dear God, it was getting worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some moooore Pip!


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another John and Eliza chapter because I love them.

Eliza sent a call through on Skype. John answered almost immediately.

“Hey, Eliza! What’s up?”

Nothing had to be up, really. They’d been video calling each other a couple of days a week for the last month. It just so happened that today something was really on Eliza’s mind, something she really needed to talk to him about. But for a moment, she hesitated, glancing away from the screen.

John clapped his hands together to get her attention back. “Eliza?”

She looked at him, and began signing through the dilemma. “Little Pip had a small incident today.”

“Oh no, what happened? His asthma acting up?”

“Yes. He had a minor attack during gym class. He was doing better when I went to see him in the nurse’s office, but he was asleep. The nurse said that she’d called Alex, and that Pip had spoken to him on the phone. But… I’m worried.”

“About who?”

“Pip. And Alex. Pip’s asthma just seems to be getting worse. I’m wondering if he might have to go on a stronger medication soon.”

“Probably. It might be best.” He winced. “Alex should take him to a doctor.”

“I know Pip goes pretty regularly. He wasn’t supposed to be on the stronger medication for this long, but even with it it seems he’s barely managing it.”

“That’s probably not good.”

“I wish I could help, but I don’t know what I can do. I don’t know what to say to Alex.”

John paused a moment. “Do you have to say anything to Alex?”

“I mean, I should, shouldn’t I? I’m his son’s teacher.”

“But that’s all you are anymore.”

She glanced down for a moment. “I think I’m still getting used to that.”

“I know how you feel.”

“How’s Cece doing?”

“She’s doing well. She just started her new school today. I got to pick her up! It’s the first time I’ve picked her up from school.”

Eliza’s smile couldn’t match half that of her friend. “I’m really glad you seem so excited about this fatherhood thing.” She was only half-teasing, and it came through in her nonverbals.

“Thanks, Lizzy. I think we’re starting to get into that kind of rhythm…”

Eliza frowned slightly. “I wouldn’t get too far ahead of myself, Jack. She went a long time without you in her life very much. It’s not going to fix itself overnight.”

“I’m not expecting it to fix itself. I’m going to fix it.” There was a long silence that linger between them. “She’s staying the night with me, but she’s asleep already. Lizzy? Can I tell you what she said to me when I picked her up at school?”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“She asked me where Alex was. She must have assumed that Alex had come with me. But she looked so annoyed when she said it. But when I explained to her that Alex and I weren’t together anymore, she started to soften up.”

“She didn’t like Alex much?”

“Well, we talked some more on the way home, both of us in the back seat. I asked her why she seemed glad that I wasn’t seeing Alex anymore. And she didn’t say anything for the rest of the ride, and barely said anything at all when we got home. But then, right before bedtime, she asked if, since Alex and I had broken up, if I could get back together with her mom.”

Eliza’s heart sank. “What did you say?”

John ran a hand through his thick hair, fingers snagging on a stray knot. “I told her the truth. As carefully as I could. God, it took forever to get anything out. But I did. I told her she was old enough to know a little more about our relationship. I told her that I was sixteen at the time; that her mom had just turned eighteen. That I kept my distance to keep her mom out of trouble. That I couldn’t even claim her as my daughter until I was twenty-one. And that I might not always be the best father, but that I love her and I’m willing to do what it takes to make her happy.”

Eliza felt an ache in her chest. “And what’d she say?”

“Nothing. She hugged me, briefly, but she didn’t say anything. I’m wondering if she even believed any of it.”

“I’m sure she did. That doesn’t sound like the type of thing you could make up.”

“If nothing else, she does know Maddie is turning twenty-eight next month. So even if she doesn’t believe me about why I kept my distance, the age thing is true.”

“That’s good. That might help her come to believe it.”

“... Lizzy?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve never told anyone else about that. Maddie knew, of course; my immediate family knew; and now Cece knows. But other than that…”

Eliza waited to see if he would finish that thought, but something struck her. “You didn’t tell Alex?”

John laughed, the first sound in either room in the last several minutes. “How could I? Everything I ever told him seemed to go unnoticed or unacknowledged.” He told her about the discussion post, about how Alex had missed him saying that he was deaf, and that because Alex had not gone and read that post still later, he’d also missed that he had a daughter. Both bits of information had blindsided Alex, but because of his own fault. “I mean, that’s before we started dating. But Alex… I don’t know how he’ll be a godo lawyer if he’s this oblivious.”

Eliza’s thoughts returned to her own concerns over Alex. “Hey. I know you’re probably not in the best opinion of Alex right now, but—”

“It’s not that. He was still… I liked him a lot. I still do, I just can’t trust him right now. I can’t trust that he won’t hurt us again.”

Eliza nodded. She felt much the same way. “Jack. I do have to make a request of you, regarding Alex. I’ll understand if it’s too uncomfortable for you, and I wouldn’t push you to do it at all, but it’s just an idea that came to mind.”

“What is it?”

“I have to speak to Alex about Pip. If nothing else, it’s part of my job. And… I’d feel a little better if you could talk to him, too. We’re in the same boat with him. And I don’t want him to try to win me back over if he’s still going to treat you poorly.”

John sighed. “Yeah. I’ll talk to him. For you.”

She smiled gently. “Thank you.”


	37. Chapter 37

“Alexander?”

“Oh. Good morning, George.”

It was a Sunday morning, warm for February in New York. Alex had just finished the weekly cleaning. Pip was in bed with another bad cold, and Alex had just gone in to check on him when the knock had come to the door. Maybe he could’ve expected his former foster-father to be standing on the other side of the threshold. More than other people, certainly.

“Can I come in?”

Alex just stepped aside. As George entered the small apartment he had helped pay for on more than one occasion, Alex sought to excuse himself. “I have to go check on Pip. I’ll be back in a minute.”

He shuffled into the bedroom. Pip was awake, reading in the light of his teddy-bear lamp, wheezing quietly. Alex approached and touched his son’s head gently. No fever; good. He stroked the same hand discreetly over Pip’s mussed hair. “How’re you feeling, Pip?”

“Stuffy.”

“Stuffy where?” Pip pointed to his nose and his sternum. Alex nodded. “Okay. Your rescue inhaler’s right here if you need it.” Alex touched it where it lay on Pip’s bedside table, just within the boy’s arms’ reach. “Lunch is in an hour. Then medicine. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay, Daddy!”

“I’ll come back in at lunchtime unless you need me, alright?” He thought to tell the boy that Mr. Washington was here, but decided against it. He patted his son’s blanketed knee and headed back out of the room, softly closing the door behind him.

Alex sat down stiffly across from George. “So, what brings you down the hall?”

George sighed. “Alex. I’m retiring.”

He flinched in confusion. “What?”

“Next month. I want to finally enjoy my pension.”

“Oh… alright.”

“Martha told me about the raise you earned.”

“Yes.”

“We’re not going to be helping with your rent anymore.”

“What?” His voice cracked, almost coming out as a yelp at the news. “Why?”

“You’re doing well for yourself now, Alex. Much better than before. And as much as Martha and I love you, we’ve agreed it’s time for you to stand on your own two feet.”

“And what if I lose my job?”

“You haven’t. You’re highly valued where you are now. Don’t forget, I helped you get in there.”

“But I  _ kept _ myself there.”

George visibly bristled but smiled. “So you have nothing to worry about. Keep keeping yourself there. Keep earning your new pay. Take care of your kid. You don’t need the help anymore.”

“But what if I do lose my job? Or something else comes up? You’d rather Pip and I be homeless again?”

George’s jaw squared. “You think it’d be our fault?”

“You care about me, don’t you?”

“We do. So much. But do you care about us at all?”

Alex faltered.

“Let’s review for a moment.” His voice was horribly calm. “We took you in and loved you as our own son. We still do. With that I can accept your ingratitude, you have a lot working against you in terms of trust and family. We’ve helped you through your pregnancy and when you were homeless. Again, we expect nothing in return. We did it because we love you and we love Pip. Month after month we help with your rent. Understandable, your job doesn’t pay much and both you and Pip have medical needs that cost no small penny. Fine. We help you out. We pick Pip up from school, take him to see you at work when it’s convenient for you. We watch Pip after school and when you’re at work or just have other plans, whenever we can. You refuse to let Pip consider us his grandparents, even though he has no other family but you. Alright. Fine. That hurts us, but it’s your decision. But I’m wondering, Alex, if you’ve ever felt an ounce of gratitude for all of it? Because it’s never come across in how you treat Martha and I, and it’s certainly not coming across right now.”

Alex felt very small.

“You’re perpetually affected by the way people have treated you. Your father was a jackass, your mother wasn’t around long enough, you went from family to family until Martha and I came around. But you’re jaded by your past. And yet you seem to take no consideration into how you treat everyone else? Help me understand, Alex. Help me understand why you can be so cold.”

Alex didn’t have an answer.

Silence.

More silence.

George eventually stood up. “You had to grow up too quickly, Alex. But you don’t seem to have matured at all.”

 

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex? _

He could not have expected a message from anyone less. It was the middle of the night; Alex just so happened to be up, eating some dry rice crackers, dedicating the latest hours of the night to homework. And John probably wasn’t expecting an answer at this hour.

But.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Hey John. _

It was several minutes before he got a reply. John definitely wasn’t expecting Alex to be up at this hour, wasn’t expecting a near immediate response; almost foolishly expected Alex to be asleep. Little did he know, Alexander didn’t sleep anymore. No time.

> **_John:_ ** _ I heard Pip’s not doing so well. How was he feeling today? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Where did you hear any of this? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Eliza. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ You’ve been speaking to Eliza? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yes. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Oh. _

There was a long moment of silence before a reply came.

> **_John:_ ** _ Listen, she wanted to know if Pip was okay, and if you’re okay. So, is he? Are you? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Pip’s fine. I’m fine. Why do you care? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Pip’s a sweet kid, I wouldn’t want anything to happen to him! I don’t like knowing he got sick at school. I’m praying for both of you. And if you need help, let me know. _

Another silence, even longer than the last one. Alex didn’t seem to be replying to such a sentiment. John half-expected Alex to go off on him for offering his prayers, but it didn’t come. Alex was silent.Maybe he’d fallen asleep, but either case would be unusual. John could only bear Alex’s nonresponsiveness for about ten minutes before it became too uncomfortable to let it loom longer.

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex. Even if we’re not together anymore, that doesn’t mean I don’t still care about you. Or him. I thought I said so much in the letter I sent you. Did you get it? Did you read it? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I did. And I did. I’ve been working on a letter in return. Are you down in South Carolina now? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I noticed you weren’t in any of my classes. _

Noticing would be an understatement. Far ahead in his courses as he was, Alex found much of the lecture uninteresting and unnecessary for him, so his mind would begin to wander. He’d catch sight of Jefferson and Madison, off in the corner, but in the front row nonetheless. All the way on the other end from Alex. Every other classmate’s face and name escaped him. He’d only formed any substantial impression of his copyright class’s discussion group, and now two of them were gone. At least Aaron he would still see on weekends. John was a constant suddenly lost from his life. And if Alex couldn’t distract himself with classwork, the absence would preoccupy his thoughts.

> **_John:_ ** _ Because I transferred. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I know. _

Since losing Eliza, and since his one-sided conversation with George, Alex had reluctantly become more and more aware of his own role in his relationships, and their end, or threatened end. No matter what excuses he came up with, he couldn’t conjure any common threads between his relationship with Eliza, his relationship with John, his relationship with George and Martha. Either somehow they were all wrong in their own ways, or he himself was wrong in just one.

He thought that to reconcile his interpersonal troubles with his own behavior would feel awful. How difficult it was to accept responsibility for oneself! But, remarkably, he felt a little better. Now knowing what was going wrong, he could begin to change his behavior to make things go right.

(Alex had recently done a lot of reading, trying to understand his own psychology.)

> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’ve had this on my mind for a while now, and I need to know. Did I really hurt you? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yes. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Am I still hurting you? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ What do you mean? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ When you think about me, does it still sting? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ A little bit. But it’s mostly gone. Maybe because we haven’t seen each other in two months. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ A reasonable assumption. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I try to remind myself of why I fell for you in the first place. It’s not hard to come up with everything wonderful about you, but it’s not hard to remember why we fell apart, either. _

Alex thought about why he’d fallen for John. He was attractive, definitely, but Alex had felt the stirrings of something before he’d known what John looked like. He remembered the discussion boards in those early weeks of last semetesr, his first of law school. Alex knew nobody, and he hadn’t exactly made a great first impression. But more than any of the others, John had given him a chance. Alex’s poor social skills had come through even on the forum, and John had accepted him regardless.

Alex still had never read John’s introductory post. Maybe Alex didn’t deserve that chance.

But if he could have just one more...

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’m still here. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Okay. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Why are you up so late? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I just got home from work. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Work? You’re working? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ In an aquarium! _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’m sure you’re very happy there. Send me a picture of a manatee? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ … I will. _

It didn’t slip John’s notice that, even if Alex seemed to be admitting to causing him pain, there was no acknowledgement of what exactly had hurt him, nor an apology for such pain.

Alex was working to change, but it was an uphill climb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter felt longer than it is when I was writing it lol.


	38. Chapter 38

The last place Alex wanted to be was at the Washingtons’ door.

Martha was the one who answered. “Alexander?” It wasn’t the warm welcome he was used to. Nerves must still be raw. Alexander could only feel more awkward.

“Good morning, Martha… Um, I know this probably isn’t a good time, but I need to ask a favor. It’s for Pip.”

Martha watched him steadily. “Is he alright?”

“We’re out of antihistamines at home, and his cold is still pretty bad. I would take him to pick up more medicine, but I’m worried about the chill. This winter is particularly bad for him.”

She nodded, slowly, seeming to consider. “You need me to watch him while you’re gone?”

“It’ll only be for a bit. A half hour, at most. I just need to pick up some cold medicine for him.” Alex pulled a crumpled $10 bill out of his pocket, and held it out to her with a shaky hand. “Half hour, tops.”

There was a long stillness, no sound, no movement, and Alex was starting to believe she would reject the idea. He’d really ruined his relationship with them, perhaps irreparably. Tears gathered on his eyelids.

Martha waved away the money and headed right over to her foster-son’s apartment.

Alex’s knees went weak as relief overwhelmed him.

 

Alexander made good on his promise. He was back from the story just 22 minutes after he started down the stairs. He returned with the cold medicine and two fresh oranges for Pip. Before Martha went home, Alex tried to insist on payment again, but she again rejected it. Martha touched Alex’s shoulder gently on her way out, and Alex lingered for a moment, smiling, before going in to check on Philip.

Father and son spent the afternoon together. Pip was feeling a bit better after taking the cold medicine (though he’d put up one hell of a fight against it), but he was drowsy and falling asleep against Alex’s side as they watched  _ Mary Poppins _ . Alex just absently stroked his hair as he finished watching the film. It had been a favorite of his as a kid.

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex? _

Alex smiled at the message and carefully maneuvered so that he could type out a reply without waking Philip. Lord knows the boy needs his sleep.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ You’ll have to excuse me if I’m slow to reply. I have a sleeping child against my right arm. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Aw, how’s Pip doing? _

Alex had to carefully consider what he wanted to reveal. He didn’t want sympathy on behalf of his son. But this was John. And Alex knew John wasn’t asking out of a disingenuous display of half-hearted interest. He knew John cared.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ He has a cold. The winter’s been hell on him. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I don’t miss it. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Is it warmer down there? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yes. _

Alex grinned and, only half-teasing, gave his reply.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Maybe I’ll have to join you someday. _

He could hope; he could dream. He dared to dream even in his condition. And if John couldn’t return to New York, then maybe it was one sacrifice Alex could afford.

It was several minutes before he received a reply, and Alex worried he’d said the exact wrong thing. Even after a couple of months without John, he was somehow still getting used to not calling him his own.

> **_John:_ ** _ Alex? I think we need to talk about this some more. You, me, and Eliza. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ About us? As a romantic triad? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yeah? I guess. Eliza and I definitely wouldn’t be dating, but I do care about her and I don’t want her to get hurt.  _

That Eliza and John were getting close had been a surprise to Alex, but not something he needed to worry about. He knew John had no reason to be interested in Eliza, despite her innumerable good qualities. Alex didn’t want to feel like he was in competition with someone he also cared about dearly, so he thanked the stars for making John gay.

> **_John:_ ** _ I’d probably have to kill you. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Haha… _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ … _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Are you serious? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Probably not, haha!  _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ But I’d never forgive you. You’ve put her through enough. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’m well aware… _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ You weren’t last time I saw you. _

Alex should’ve expected as much of a response. Alex had to make himself willing to be vulnerable to construct any substantial kind of reply to such painful truth.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ John, I can’t deny that until now I’ve failed to acknowledge what I’ve done to the both of you. I was dishonest, hid Eliza from you for no real purpose. My inexperience in relationships is doubled by trying to date the both of you at once. I acted on my selfish desires at the expense of both of your needs. I had my own reasons, but no reason can excuse my behavior. I don’t expect forgiveness any time soon, though you can’t blame a poor fool for hoping. You have rightfully lost trust in me; I hope you and Eliza are able to bond over such a breach of the most basic tenet of a relationship. But I’ve been working to accept my role in all of this pain, and I can admit my own faults now more than before. _

There was no reply for several more minutes. Alex checked the time; he’d need to wake Pip up for his medicine soon. The boy was wheezing softly against his side. Alex counted his breaths, matching his own to the quiet rhythm.

> **_John:_ ** _ I don’t know if it’s enough yet, Alex. _

Alex’s fingers trembled on the keyboard, and he needed to erase and retype his words several times.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ John. All I need is another chance. Are you willing to give me that? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Yes. But not yet. _

Alex wanted to be upset with this answer. He couldn’t deny that a part of him did crave immediate forgiveness and gratification. But he took a deep breath, counted down from ten, and reconsidered this desire.

Alex had caused two people he cared about undue and unfair pain.

Alex was in no place to resent their reservations about seeing him again.

> **_John:_ ** _ I need to know it’s not going to end the same way we’ve ended twice already. _

He smiled, bittersweetness coming over him. Sweet memories obscured by the grudges he’d held, the trust he’d broken.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ I can’t realistically promise that it won’t. But I do promise I will do everything in my power to do right by you from here on out. Whether or not you forgive me; whether or not you want to give us another chance at a happy future together; I care about you, truly, and you make me want to be a better person. _

A solid minute went by.

Then ten more.

5:10 PM.

> **_John:_ ** _ Good night, Alex. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Good night, John. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember to comment! Comments keep me motivated to update!


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I drew them: http://litsy-kalyptica.tumblr.com/post/172152520448/litsy-kalyptica-drew-some-stuff-for-my-50k-fic

John didn’t bring the conversation up to Eliza for almost a week. By then he figured it was all for nothing, as she would’ve already been expected to have spoken to Alex about Pip’s poor health. But he’d needed time to process what was going on between himself and Alexander, and didn’t want to burden Eliza with his own uncertainty. But by Saturday night he’d had a chance to figure himself out, at least, whether or not he could figure out his ex-boyfriend.

He sent a video call through to Eliza. 

Eliza answered almost immediately. She was sitting at the dinner table, the rest of the house dark behind her, colorful papers strewn all around her and eyes tired behind the glasses she almost never wore. She smiled at the sight of her friend, so far away but right there in her dining room. She set her highlighter down. “Good evening, Jack.”

“Good evening, Liz!”

“You’re looking chipper tonight.”

“Wish I could say the same to you…”

“I’m just tired. Spent all day working on artsy activities for this week. Really shouldn’t have left it to so late, but what can I do?”

John frowned. “When’s spring break?”

Eliza yawned. “April 2nd through the 6th. But I have both weekends, too.”

“Come down and see me!”

She laughed. “I can’t just drop everything for a week in South Carolina.”

“You can though. I’ll make all the arrangements. You need a break, Liz. Come down, we’ll have fun.”

Eliza had to carefully consider what she said next. It was a touchy subject, but she really believed they were close enough now that she could broach it directly. “Sober fun?”

John was put off balance by the question, hands twitching restlessly, but he didn’t seem uncomfortable answering her. Maybe if anyone else had asked. But Eliza wouldn’t judge.

It helped that he had good news.

“Thirty days, Lizzy. Thirty days dry.”

She smiled warmly. “Proud of you.”

“I got a badge for it and everything. I won’t get another until six months. Think I can do it?”

“I’ll be happy as long as you’re giving an honest effort. Has Cece noticed?”

“I hope so. I haven’t spoken to her about it. I don’t want to upset her. She never saw me drunk, Liz, but that doesn’t mean I never drank with her around…” He shook off the bad thoughts. “So, have you had to talk to Alex?”

Eliza’s sigh turned into a groan. “No, but I should… Did you talk to him? Find out how he’s doing?”

“Yeah.” He left a moment of thoughtful stillness. “He wants another chance.”

“Of course he does.”

“You don’t like the idea.”

“I can’t stop you, if that’s what you want.” She laughed bitterly. “Last thing I said to him was that I could forgive him when you did. But the more I think about it, the less I think my forgiveness can be decided by yours. No offense.”

“None taken.”

“He hasn’t reached out to me.”

“Maybe he’s scared to.”

“Or maybe he just doesn’t care.”

“I don’t think it’s that… I think he just doesn’t know how to show that he cares. How to care in a mutually satisfying way.”

Eliza shrugged. “Well, Pip’s still my student for now. I love the kid, but I just can’t be around Alexander right now.”

“Alex says Pip’s not doing too well.”

“I’ve noticed. He got sent home on Thursday and yesterday. I’m hoping he won’t come in on Monday, not if he’s still sick. But I hope he feels better by then.”

“Me too.”

“Anyway. Alex. I’ll have to talk to him soon… I miss him, Jack, but I don’t want to.”

“I know.”

“Do you miss him?”

“Yes.”

“Do you still want him?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I still believe he cares about me.”

“I mean, I care about you.”

“Well, you know why that wouldn’t work.”

She laughed when he laughed.

“But it’s not just that. I’m… attracted to his personality, not just his body. He cares, he really cares so much. He just only really shows it to Pip. But I can’t believe that anyone would be such a devoted father and such an asshole to everyone else. And I don’t think he’s an asshole, I just think he has issues he’s not working through. And—” He hesitated. “And I know what that’s like… He makes me want to be better.”

“But he judges hard when you don’t meet his expectations.”

John looked winded at the reminder. “Well, you know? I needed that kind of tough love. My friends only enabled me, and I love them, but that was getting me nowhere. It’s not like he was wrong.”

“I suppose…”

“And I’m getting sober now, Liz. Going to meetings and everything. That wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for Alex. As upset as I’ve been with him, all in all he’s been a more positive influence than I originally gave him credit for.”

Eliza tucked her hands under the table for a long moment. John wished he could get into her thoughts. “Jack?... Do you ever think that was maybe just a coincidence? That it wasn’t Alex’s intention to help you get better through ‘tough love?’”

John deflated, his head lolling back, and Eliza almost regretted bringing it up. 

Almost.

“I guess. Maybe. Lizzy, I’m tired.”

John’s face fell into his palms, and Eliza came a little closer to regret.

There was no way to get his attention until he could see her again, but she took immediate advantage when he finally looked back at her. “John. I wish I could say that I’m sorry for bringing up that possibility, but I’m not. And it’s only because I care about you. I don’t want you to go back to someone who hurt you without taking other real possibilities into consideration… Oh, no, please don’t cry…”

John worked to calm himself down, and Eliza followed suit.

Eliza waited until was steady again, his eyes more focused. “Hey, I’ll make you a promise. If you can stay sober for another month, I’ll come down and see you over spring break. Okay?”

She knew how lonely he was down there, only able to take solace in the occasional visit to his siblings and in the daughter he still barely knew.

He nodded, and smiled at the suggestion. It wasn’t his trademark grin, but it was something. “I can’t wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to get more John and Eliza in, let them process their feelings a little bit. It got a little sad, but they're best friends now and they'll make it through.
> 
> Please PLEASE do comment! I'll be working on Chapter 40 tonight, hopefully post it tomorrow. It might be a doozy.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't write the first line of this chapter without singing "DEAR MR. HAMILTON-"

> _ Mr. Hamilton, _
> 
> _ The kindergarten class will be visiting their first grade teachers for the fall on March 30th. Students will be assigned to their first grade teachers by the end of the day March 23rd; a notice will be sent home so that parents may be aware of their child’s teacher for the 2018-2019 school year. _
> 
> _ Sincerely, _
> 
> _ Ms. Elizabeth Schuyler _

 

“Alright, everyone let’s line up!”

The students were positively buzzing today. They were so, so close to getting a week off from school. Three more hours. 

Eliza might not have been able to contain them if not for the quick and dominant force that Millie could make.

She couldn’t really blame them, though. Eliza would be lying if she denied her own distraction.

> **_John:_ ** _ Two months, Liz! _
> 
> **_Eliza:_ ** _ Get me a room, yeah? I’ll see you Sunday! (I’m so proud of you) _

She was actually going to surprise him by showing up Saturday night. She’d already packed and everything. The train ride down would be hell, but inevitably worth it. She could get away for the week, spend it with a good friend… Finally; a real, honest-to-God break!

The two of them had gotten really good at keeping Alexander out of each other’s thoughts, and lately, it had started to become easier. That was until Eliza went to work every morning, the constant reminder of the tragic affair sitting at the center table. But Eliza would never begrudge Pip for his father’s behavior. He was precious, and well worth the painful reminders.

But Pip had in and of himself become a painful sight. Or, not painful, mostly worrying. The poor boy just seemed to get sicker and sicker every time Eliza saw him, to the point she wondered why Alexander didn’t just pull him out of school for good, send him back for first grade. Pip was definitely smart enough to lose the rest of the school year.

Pip had been a little trooper for a while, but lately he had started to turn in on himself, no longer bouncing around the classroom until a tight airway demanded he take a rest. (Eliza didn’t tell Alexander about every time Pip needed to use his inhaler for immediate symptoms; protocol stated that as long as there was no lasting effect, or a necessary trip to the nurse’s office, it was often best not to bother the parents with the minutia of their child’s illness in school.) The change always brought a sympathetic frown to Eliza’s otherwise pleasant teacher-face.

She was just glad the other students didn’t seem to be catching on.

Or if they were, today was not the day they were going to act on it.

No. They were almost on break.

“Pip?” Eliza crouched down to be more at eye level with him. Pip was lineleader today, and she wish she had more room for discretion, but to pull Pip out of the line would only draw more attention. She just kept her voice soft. “How are you feeling today?”

“I’m fine, Miss Eliza!” And he did sound like it, but the ghost of his bad colds lingered on his face.

“Alright. You tell me if you don’t feel well, alright?”

“Yes, Miss Eliza.”

She patted his shoulder, and with Pip’s help, she led the line of students marching on their adventure to the first grade classrooms.

 

Most of the classrooms to visit were on the first floor with them. But Ms. Murphy’s class, the last they would visit today, was on the fourth floor.

“Miss Eliza! Pip’s walking too slow!”

Pip had dutifully stuck to his lineleader position, even when he started wheezing halfway up the steps between the second and third floors. The steps were probably too steep for kindergarteners, let alone kindergarteners who started school a year early. Every step was a climb for their short legs, and Eliza pitied them all, but Pip was of the most concern.

“Millie? Could you just get them to the top floor?”

Millie took over, redirecting students’ attention when they lingered too long, intrusively staring at Eliza and Pip as they stayed behind. In an effort to keep them all in line (literally), Millie offered that whoever could stare at the back of the person in front of them’s head the longest would get to be lineleader on their first day back. It worked like a charm, and Eliza sent Millie a grateful smile as she and Pip could be left alone.

“Do you need to take your medicine?”

“No…” Pip huffed, a half-whine.

“I think you should take your medicine. What would your daddy say?”

Pip didn’t answer. He stubbornly made it up the stairs with his classmates.

“Pip,” Eliza called sternly, but he wouldn’t even look at her. It was moments like this that Eliza remembered, no matter his intelligence, just how young Pip was.

And so much like his father.

Eliza sighed and kept Ms. Walton’s number up on her phone.

 

The first several minutes in Ms. Murphy’s class were pleasant enough. Eliza stood off in the corner, not interfering with the other teacher’s lively presentation, but her students felt her eyes burning into the back of their skulls. They knew better than to misbehave. Miss Eliza was so nice all the time; they didn’t want to see who would be the first to make her mad.  _ “I’ll be very disappointed if anyone doesn’t behave when we’re visiting the other classrooms.” _ Her kids didn’t want to cross her.

Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, right? Benefit to being soft.

Eliza kept an especially close eye on Pip. He seemed to be enjoying himself, clapping along as Ms. Murphy’s played a song for all the students on her ukelele.

The door slipped open, and in walked an unfortunately familiar face.

For a few minutes, Eliza was the only one who noticed. Philip Hamilton didn’t see George Eacker return from the bathroom, and Eacker didn’t see Pip either.

That was, until he did.

And something about the little boy’s bright smile must have set something off in the obviously disturbed child.

Because Eacker stood up from his chair in the corner, and punched Philip right in the back of the head.

There was only shocked stillness, and Pip’s painful wailing as George struck again.

The other students looked on, some horrified, some impressed. Some indifferent, like this had been expected.

Last time Eliza had been quick to intervene.

This time it was Millie who had to pry the two apart.

“Ms. Murphy,” Millie said, still holding the first-grader back, trying to keep her words as discreet at possible in a room of forty children. “Call it in.”

Eliza still hadn’t moved.

By the time the shock wore off, everyone looked around and saw that Pip had fled.

And then Eliza rushed out like there was nothing else she could do but run. And that was probably the case.

By the time she could process what was going on, the squeaking of little sneakers on the linoleum tile had already faded away. Eliza looked right, then left, down long empty corridors, no idea which way the boy had run off to.

But as she focused, hard, she could just make out the echos down the long vacant halls.

First, the familiar squeaking of sneakers, hurried, down toward the stairwell. Pip must be running back to the classroom.

Then, a sudden thud that momentarily stopped Eliza’s heart in her chest.

And then nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup.


	41. Chapter 41

It wasn’t every day that Alex could get off work early enough to pick Pip up from school, but he was most certainly going to take advantage of it. He’d finished his work early, and his evening class was cancelled, so Alex happily hopped on the two o’clock bus outside the firm to ride over to the elementary school. Alex smiled softly. If he could get a week’s worth of work done on Monday and Tuesday, he could get the rest of the week off. He’d already spoken to his boss about it; it might’ve been more difficult to persuade if his boss didn’t have children off for break himself. But even if that were the case, Alexander was nothing if not persuasive.

He arrived at almost three, and decided to wait out the school day in the main lobby. He received a visitor’s pass from the receptionist, even though he was just going to sit on the wooden bench just outside the office door. He waited with some impatience as time seemed to go so slowly. He was saving up for a smartphone, and then waiting wouldn’t have to be so boring.

The hallways were empty, quiet, a surprise for the day before they went on a week-long break. 

There was the sudden clapping of footsteps from somewhere behind the doors in front of him. And then a thud. And then nothing.

Worried that something must have happened, Alex stood and rushed over, pulling the door open.

He swallowed a scream.

Alex dropped down to Pip’s side, hands shaking with the effort not to try to move him. 

Pip was lying facedown on the stairs, having tripped down the last flight.

Alex could hear him gasping for air, and he couldn’t keep from turning him over now.

Pip’s nose was bleeding heavily; tremors wracked his chest as he gulped quick, shallow breaths. When Alex looked into his eyes they were unfocused and wet with tears.

“Philip. Look at me. Come on, baby, you’re okay.” Alex would’ve been amazed at the calmness of his own voice if he could process anything he was saying. Alex sat on one of the bottom steps and pulled Pip to lie in his lap. Everything was fuzzy. Pip still wasn’t looking at him. He didn’t seem to be responsive at all. This couldn’t be real.

The wheezing grew louder, the boy’s breathing becoming more labored. More tears sprung to his eyes, but he didn’t make a noise besides the rattling in his chest. Barely lucid through his panic, Alex only vaguely became aware of his hand digging through Pip’s bookbag for his rescue inhaler.

There was another distant set of footsteps. It involuntarily drew Alex’s attention, and when he looked up, he was met with a familiar face even through the haze.

“Eliza…”

She said nothing to him. Following what she knew needed to be done, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialled 911. She carefully stepped around them, explaining to the dispatcher what was going on. She needed to get a look at Pip to find what information she could pass along.

“Alexander.”

Alex let her in, still holding his son close. The inhaler momentarily went forgotten in his numb hand.

“... Da- Da-...” It was just a little noise Pip could get out between gasps. 

At the sound of his son’s voice, Alex started to come back into his body. The first sensation he regained of was the small device in his hand. He brought it delicately to Pip’s mouth. “Try to breathe deep, baby. You’re gonna be okay. Help is coming.” 

He could hear Eliza giving an inventory of Pip’s injuries and possible injuries into the phone. When she finally hung up, Eliza gave a soft pat to the top of Pip’s head and assured him of something similar, that an ambulance was coming. She gave him a warm smile before standing, and going through the door toward the main office.

Alex pressed down on the plunger for Pip.

1… 2…

“Okay, again.”

1… 2…

“Try again, come on, it’ll help you get better.”

1… 2… 3…

The wailing of an ambulance could be heard at the same time as the intercom crackled to life, calling a schoolwide lock-in.

“Pip? Pip, stay awake, come on.”

1… 2… 3…

“Pip?”

And, if only for a moment, Alex slipped into the blackness with his son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (:


	42. Chapter 42

Pip looked so small on the gurney.

Later that day, Alex wouldn’t remember how he got from the stairwell, out to the ambulance, riding along in front. He wouldn’t remember how his legs numbly carried him alongside the stretcher as paramedics wheeled Pip outside, how many times he almost tripped over his own feet, how muffled the voices felt as they bounced around him. He’d only remember the blood on his son’s face, the swelling in his forehead, and the small whimpers and breathless whines that escaped his swollen lips before the oxygen mask came down over his face.

He definitely wouldn’t remember Eliza following behind him.

Eliza glanced back at the school for a brief moment. Students that couldn’t stay in their seats any longer watched them from all four floors of the elementary school. She felt their dozens of eyes on her as her dearest student was crowded by medics after she’d failed to protect him. 

She felt small. Helpless.

As the wailing ambulance pulled away from the curb, Eliza headed right to her car.

 

The forty minutes Alex had to wait alone were agonizing. Every second hurt. A nurse had had to come over to him when he started in a panic attack, and he just wanted to shout that she go and help his son. Pip was lost somewhere behind those bleach-white double doors. The separation was unbearable.

The doctor who came to meet him had a pleasant face, but her eyes bore the weight of unpleasant news. Alex almost threw up before she could get a word in.

“Philip Hamilton?”

“Yes,” Alex choked out, swallowing bile. “I’m his father.”

The doctor nodded and glanced briefly at the chart in hand, seeming to be more by force of habit than anything else. “Philip will be fine. We’re still working with him right now, but we’re expecting a full recovery with no long-term damage if he’s given enough opportunity to heal.”

Alex nodded, face blank even as relief started to bloom in his chest. He waited in silence for her to run him through what exactly was wrong with his darling son.

“He’s got a broken nose and right wrist, as well as a minor skull fracture and a concussion. He’s still recovering from an asthma attack, but he’s doing better. We’ll need to keep him until he’s recovered enough to be released, and even then it is likely he will need to be on bedrest.”

“Can I see him now?”

The doctor led him back through the doors and up the stairs, down one long corridor after another, and Alex started to wonder how he’d ever find his way out. The deeper they got into the building, the more the antiseptic smell overwhelmed his senses. No matter how many times he’d been here, he’d never get used to that sickening scent. It held too many bad memories, as well as just smelling quite awful.

The last time Alex had been here with Pip, he’d gone into the room to find Pip already awake and lucid. That had become a familiar source of relief after enough hospitalizations. And Alex hoped that it would be the same today, despite the circumstances.

The circumstances won this time.

Pip was lying in the too-large bed, tucked clumsily under the thin cotton blanket. There was a splint over his nose and on his wrist. There was a single EEG node attached to his forehead, where a black bruise was forming. Pip’s eyes were closed as he slept deeply, and the skin underneath them was already bruising. The mask would need to stay on until his oxygen saturation was satisfactory —Alex knew that song and dance.

Alex sat next to his son, gently taking his uninjured hand. He lapsed into a long period of anxious, hopeful silence that seemed to transcend time and detach from the outside world.

 

The silence in the room didn’t last forever. Alex returned to awareness of the world outside of him and Pip when, at what he would discover was an hour later, Eliza came knocking at the door.

“Eliza…”

“How’s he doing?”

“He should be waking up any minute. The doctor says he’ll be fine.”

Eliza let herself in and sat down opposite Alex, but her eyes remained steadily on Philip. She barely glanced at the ragged father.

“Eliza…”

“I needed to see that he was alright.”

“... Thank you.”

And then nothing was said for almost another full hour. Alex didn’t ask Eliza to leave them be, even if she wasn’t much company nor especially helpful for a still dozing Pip. She cared, and Alex wasn’t going to begrudge her compassionate heart.

It was when he saw the tears in the corners of her eyes that he remembered just why he fell for her in the first place. But he didn’t say anything. He felt too old for twenty-three.

“Alexander.”

He met her eyes with a steady gaze. “Eliza.”

“We really need to talk about what happened between us.”

Alex nodded slowly and squeezed Pip’s little hand. “I’m sorry, Eliza.” She didn’t seem to expect such a response, leaving the silence to linger long enough for Alex to collect the rest of his thoughts. “Eliza, have I ever told you about Pip’s first crush?” She didn’t answer but for a barely perceptible nod, and Alex laughed softly as he went on. “He very apparently has a crush on his best friend, the Theo girl he must have told you about time and time again. The girl he cries over when he can’t see her. The girl he insists on buying gifts for to see her smile. The girl he’s written a sweet little poem for but is too shy and worried she won’t reciprocate his feelings to show it to her. And he might not like that I’m telling you this, so I hope you’ll keep it our little secret.”

“Why are you telling me this, Alexander?” Her voice was calm, almost cold, but more curious than anything.

Alex laughed again, more heartily this time, head tilting back the smallest degree. “Because I’m wondering how I could’ve raised such a little romantic when I’m so terrible in relationships myself.”

She said nothing. Alex looked at her more closely. She seemed to be waiting for him to continue. Her eyes looked sad still, and Alex would do anything to take that sadness away.

“I should really take lessons from him. I should’ve appreciated you more, should’ve shown you just how much I care about you while you were still mine.”

“It wasn’t about that, Alexander. I never doubted you wanted me.”

“No, no, ‘want’ doesn’t describe it accurately enough. Need, more like, but not in a sexual way. Maybe it was selfish. Maybe I’m selfish. I didn’t take you into consideration enough to earn your affections, and never should’ve been allowed to have you in the first place.”

“... It wasn’t up to you.” It was almost too quiet to hear.

“You’ve spoken to John?”

“Yes.”

“You know he’s spoken to me?”

“Yes.”

“And that I asked him for another chance?”

“Yes.”

Alex nodded. “Well. That might have been a mistake, and not because I don’t want another chance to be with him. Or another chance to be with you. But I shouldn’t have put him in that predicament, having to consider whether or not to return to a man who didn’t take seriously the hurt I caused him. I haven’t earned another chance. So I won’t ask you for one. But I do want you to know just how much I care about you.”

Eliza stared down at her lap. She couldn’t meet his eyes without her own pouring forth tears. “The original agreement was that I could forgive you when John did.”

“It was, as I recall.”

“He seems to have forgiven you. Whether or not he gives you another chance is another matter, because I think he’s finally realizing just how much pain you’ve caused him. He appreciates what you’ve motivated him to do, even knowing that it likely wasn’t intentional on your part. He’s started to reconnect with his daughter; he’s been sober two months now. And he won’t deny your influence, but I’m especially not convinced that it was your intention to help him change his life for the better. I do think you were very selfish in your relationship, more so with John than with me. I almost feel like I don’t have the right to still be upset with you when he’s let go of his own pain. So I feel like I should keep to our original agreement. But I don’t think I can, because I still can’t believe you’ve changed enough to be an adequate partner to either of us, let alone  _ both _ .”

Alex listened patiently to the feelings that spilled forth after such a long time of silence between them. It wasn’t easy, but he took in and accepted everything she was saying. “Thank you, Eliza. I understand, and respect your judgment.”

His uncontested acceptance somehow only made her feel worse. It took her by surprise, and though everything she said was true, it was an incomplete truth.

Because, despite everything, she still wanted him.

“Do you have any plans for the break?” Alex thought he might lift her mood by changing the topic.

Eliza sighed heavily, suddenly exhausted. She hadn’t realized just how much she needed to say, and she hadn’t even said it all yet. “I’m going down to Myrtle Beach. I’m staying with John.” She didn’t mention that John really needed a friend around right now.

Alex smiled. “I’m sure you two will have lots of fun!” Alex looked down at Pip and stroked his hair with reverent gentleness. “I was hoping to take Pip on a couple of day trips. Hopefully we can still make the most of his time off.”

Eliza swallowed thickly. Alex could hear it, and he looked up at her, curiously. She couldn’t hold back the guilt or the tears any longer. “Alex, I’m sorry. I could’ve stopped this.”

He didn’t ask how. It didn’t matter. Pip would be fine, he would heal fine, and Eliza’s guilt was evident and he knew would indicate that she wouldn’t make the same mistake again. Alex wished he could learn from his own mistakes.

“You inspire me, Eliza.” He provided no context. There was no need for it.

He reached across the bed, over Pip’s blanketed shins, palm open.

She took his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgiveness... can you imagine...?


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to OllyFlakes, who drew this adorable art of Pip for me! https://78.media.tumblr.com/a6579b6a4478b5ae62157d991a6957f5/tumblr_messaging_p65fxk0IDw1vzll9r_1280.png

Pip was scheduled to leave the hospital in the morning. How quickly plans change; he had a brief lapse of consciousness overnight, and so they wanted to keep him at least until the evening. That was quite a shame, honestly: Alex had made arrangements to go to take him to the zoo with Theo and Aaron. Alex was just glad he had kept it a surprise for Pip as he pulled out his phone to text Aaron.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ Hey, good morning. Bad news. We’re gonna have to do a raincheck on the zoo.  _
> 
> **_Aaron:_ ** _ Oh no, did something happen? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Yeah, Pip fell and got hurt at school yesterday. He stayed in the hospital overnight and will have to stay until this evening. _
> 
> **_Aaron:_ ** _ Sweet Jesus. Is he alright? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Concussion, broken nose, broken wrist, minor skull fracture. He also had an asthma attack but that’s no strange occurrence anymore. _
> 
> **_Aaron:_ ** _ Are you okay? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I will be. I’m just so relieved that he’s alright. _
> 
> **_Aaron:_ ** _ Is he awake yet? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Yeah, he’s eating his breakfast. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ I didn’t tell him about the zoo, so at least he can’t be disappointed. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Hope you and Theo can go and have a good time, though. _
> 
> **_Aaron:_ ** _ I’ll see you soon. _

 

As the morning wore on, it became clear that the worst part of this was going to be just how bored Pip was growing. He begged Alex to let him read his books, but Alex had to gently refuse, explaining that the doctor had warned against too much mental effort while he recovered from hitting his head. Alex offered to read to him instead, but Pip was too wrapped up in an explanation he couldn’t fully comprehend to not put up a stubborn front about it.

But not only could Pip not read his books, he couldn’t draw either because he’d broken the wrist of his dominant hand. While Pip whined in boredom, Alex discreetly asked a nurse about the hospital’s selection of children’s movie or TV shows. She promptly provided him a list of DVDs that could be loaned to their room. Alex selected a few film adaptations of Pip’s favorite books, deciding to surprise him with this instead, smiling softly to himself.

Pip was happily surprised by the movies, so Alex could consider this a success.

It was around one in the afternoon, just after lunch and at the same time that Pip was taking a puff from his inhaler, that there came a knock to the room door. Alex called for the visitor to come in.

Unexpectedly, Aaron and Theo arrived with a large black bag. Aaron had to quickly warn Theo against jumping up on Pip’s hospital bed, but it was evident in the way she was bouncing on her heels that she wanted to climb up still. “Hi Pip!” she called, waving cheerfully.

“Hi Theo!”

Aaron set the bag down at the foot of the bed. Alex grinned up at him and tucked Pip’s inhaler back into the boy’s backpack. He caught on with the purpose of the bag quickly. “Pip. I think Theo and her dad brought you a surprise.”

“This is a surprise! Theo’s here!” He was trying to roll out of the bed to get closer to his friend. Alex, somewhat reluctantly, gently pulled his shoulder back down.

“No, buddy, a different surprise.” Alex laughed and very gently ruffled his hair. As soon as he let go of his son’s shoulder, Pip was trying to turn and scoot toward Theo again, who was now bouncing more vertically to get closer to him. Alex didn’t want to keep them apart any longer. “Here, Aaron, you can put Theo up on the bed. Left side, though, his right wrist is broken.”

Aaron nodded. “Theo, baby, you have to be very gentle, okay?” He lifted her up under the arms, and carefully placed her down on the bed.

“Anyway, the other surprise. Pip, we all wanted to go to the zoo today, but since we can’t go to the zoo now… it looks like Theo brought the zoo to you!”

At Alex’s okay, Aaron dumped the bag of Theo’s stuffed animals on the bed. Both children squealed and immediately got to playing.

Their fathers laughed heartily at their enthusiasm and giddiness, something the children seemed to find in each other more than in anyone or anything else, save for maybe their parents. It didn’t slip either of their notice. Alex and Aaron exchanged a knowing glance.

Aaron coughed, somewhat awkwardly, and decided to open up a conversation with his friend. “So, how are things going?”

“They’re fine. It’s mostly just Pip and I again these days. How’s Theodosia?”

“She’s… well, she’s in the hospital a lot.” His voice was lower now. “I try to keep Theo from noticing it too much.”

Alex winced. “I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

Aaron said nothing.

“How’s work going?”

“It’s fine. Not the best, and I have long hours. Theo has to stay with a sitter often. Too often for my liking, but what else am I supposed to do?”

“Hey, if you ever need some help, I’m your guy.”

“... Thank you, Alex.” There was a long moment of silence between them, but with the children happily playing, the room was far from quiet. “You know John moved to South Carolina?”

Alex nodded, then frowned. “Wait, how did you find out?”

“Heard it through the grapevine. We have some mutual acquaintances.” A pause. “I know you two broke up. How are you holding up from that?”

“Oh, fine. We’re actually speaking again. I’ve asked him for another chance; he says he’ll consider it.”

Aaron nodded, though the answer seemed to surprise him. “... To be honest, I never pegged him for the relationship type.”

Alex bristled slightly. “Well, he was a better boyfriend than I deserved.”

“I find that difficult to believe.”

Alex squeezed his eyes shut, taking a short steadying breath. 

He didn’t want to ask.

But he needed to know.

“Did you two ever—”

“What? No!” He laughed. “No, I’m… I’m straight, Alex. And I didn’t know John until after Theodosia and I were married.

Alex couldn’t hide his relief.

“He just seemed like too much of a party-boy for commitment.”

Alex said nothing, but did stew in his frustration.

He returned his attention to Pip. He was energetically playing with Theo and the stuffed animals. He couldn’t help but feel his mood lighten at the absolute adoration in Pip’s eyes as he played with his friend. After several minutes of just watching, Theo let out a loud bubbly laugh at something Alex didn’t catch. 

The boy’s reaction was one of pure love, glowing in his eyes and stunning his speech. After several seconds, Pip leaned over toward Alex and gestured for Alex to move closer. The urgency in the boy’s eyes was startling, and Alex leaned in so Pip could whisper to him.

“Daddy, the poem’s in my bookbag.”

“You want to give it to her now?” Alex whispered back.

“Uh huh.” He looked desperate, and Alex reached for the bookbag immediately. He fished the poem out of Pip’s folder and handed it to him.

But Pip was suddenly very shy, crinkling the paper as he held it in his left hand.

“Th- Theo?” he stammered, face glowing a brighter red than Alex had ever seen on him, even in the clutch of fever. “I- I wrote something for you?”

Theo stared at him in curiosity and excitement. “Can- Can you read it to me, Pippy?”

Pip nodded stiffly, squinting at the paper. He barely got through it with all his stuttering, but everyone else in the room was patient and didn’t interrupt the precious moment.

“ _ R-Roses are r-red _

_ Vi-ilets are b-b-blue _

_ You li-ke yor d-dolls _

_ And- And I... reely like y-you. _ ”

And before Pip could even expect a reaction, Theo kissed him on the cheek.


	44. Chapter 44

Eliza kept to her plan to surprise John with an early arrival, but not so early as she’d hoped. With how late she’d stayed with Pip at the hospital, she woke up too late on Saturday morning to arrive by that night. So, instead, she slept and rested Saturday away (which she was loathe to admit she really needed) and set out at eight o’clock that night. She stopped along the way just for a couple of short naps and some coffee, and arrived around around eight in the morning.

Eliza wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but the house at the address she’d been given was even larger than her own. And that wasn’t even counting the enormous property. With some awed hesitation, she got out of the car and approached the front door. Too intimidated by the large brass knocker, she went for the doorbell instead.

After several minutes, and another ring, the door was opened by a pair of young girls. Eliza recognized Cece and Mary from the pictures John had sent her.

Eliza put on her teacher smile. “Good morning, girls.”

“Good morning,” the unfamiliar girl said. She had a soft, kind face, and looked to be a little older than her niece.

“Who are you?” Cece asked, reserved, almost shy.

“My name’s Eliza, I’m a friend of John’s—”

And before Eliza could get another word in, Mary ran off into the house. Cece stood there in the doorway for a silent moment, before stepping aside. Eliza figured this meant she should come inside, and giving a quick thanks to Cece, she stepped into the spacious foyer.

Not even a minute could’ve passed before there was the sound of footsteps somewhere off in the distance, and then Eliza caught John hurrying down the stairs, his little sister behind him. He hopped down the last three steps and ran at Eliza, engulfing her in a tight hug.

Oh.

Oh, Eliza was glad she’d come early.

She let him hug it out, let him be the one to pull back so he could ask her what she was doing here so soon. “I thought I’d surprise you.”

“Well, it’s definitely a surprise!”

Eliza laughed, but the laugh faded into a yawn. “Sorry. I drove mostly through the night.”

“Well, your hotel room won’t be ready until tonight, but you can take a nap in one of the guest rooms.” He turned to Mary. “Pa’s not home yet, is he?”

“No, he said he’ll be home tonight, though.”

“Alright. We’re good for now, then. You and Cece go get ready.” As Mary took her niece’s hand and led her up the stairs, John turned back to Eliza. “I’m taking them to the park. You’ll have the house to yourself for now, so you can take a good nap.”

Eliza would’ve liked to go with them, but she really was hardly keeping her eyes open. She nodded sleepily and let John lead her to the room.

Eliza was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

 

She woke up at nearly five in the evening. Feeling badly about sleeping in so long, she stood and, looking a little haggard, headed downstairs.

Down in the living room she found John, Mary, and another young man Eliza didn’t recognize. Eliza wondered briefly if John had found a new partner before realizing that it was probably his brother. With a small wince of guilt at her first thought, Eliza went to join them.

Not seeming to get her friend’s attention as he read a thick book, Eliza plopped down next to him. John turned to her and smiled, wrapping her in a one-armed side hug. He folded the corner of his page to mark it as he set the book aside. “Are you ready to get going?”

“I should probably freshen up.”

“Take your time.”

She patted his knee and stood up, going to brush her hair and teeth. She didn’t bother to get changed, knowing she’d have to go get clothes out of the car. She came back down the stairs.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

The drive was silent between them, Eliza needing to focus on driving and listening to the GPS. John had headphones on, loud enough to be heard throughout the car, both hands resting lightly on the cups. Eliza caught a glance of him while stuck at a red light, just around the corner from the hotel. He looked to be enjoying himself. She smiled.

John took the lead into the hotel lobby. The older man at the front desk, on seeing John, immediately started clacking away at his computer. John just leaned against the counter, smiling back at Eliza.

“Ms. Schuyler?” The man helped her check in. “Room 1104.” 

Eliza took the key card, and John took her hand, leading her to the elevator.

 

John was staying the night. In another room, of course. Eliza’s room was large, though, with one king-sized bed. Through the wall of windows they could see the lights of the city breaking through the darkness, and the black sea off in the near distance.

They sat across from one another on the bed, ordering in at nearly nine, talking and laughing and having the time of their lives. After a moment of stillness, John smiled softly at Eliza. “I’m so glad you’re here, Lizzy.”

She smiled back. “I’m glad I’m here, too.”

“And we have a great week ahead of us.”

“I’m sure you’ve got our whole week planned out.”

“Well, I have to make the most of our time together.”

“And how are we going to do that?”

“I can’t give away any surprises.”

She laughed. “Okay.”

They talked about nothing for a while, but the later they got into the night, the more intimate the room felt. Maybe because around midnight, the rest of the outside world started to fall asleep, but they were still very much awake. But it felt almost like there was nothing but the two of them.

“I spoke to Alex.”

“Oh? What’d you say to him?”

“Well, it started because Pip had to go to the hospital again.”

John frowned deeply. “What happened?”

Eliza explained in as much detail as she could recall. “So I went to visit him at the hospital, and I knew Alex would be there. I didn’t really want to see him, but I needed to see Pip.”

“But you did speak to him while you were there?”

She nodded. “I told him how I couldn’t really forgive him right now. But… that wasn’t entirely true. Because he seems to be doing so much better, seems to really care about treating us better than before.”

John sighed. “I told him the same, but that I wasn’t ready just yet… I think I was kind of waiting on you to forgive him.”

Eliza laughed, and was glad John couldn’t hear just how hollowed it sounded. But he could still see the bittersweetness in her eyes. “I was waiting on the same for you. That’s what I told him to begin with. I… told him that you seem to have forgiven him, but even though that was supposed to mean that I could too, that I don’t think Alex is ready to be a satisfying partner to either of us, let alone both.”

“So you think we’ll have to really see the change first.”

“Yes.”

“And he has to had the time to not leave us hanging.”

“Yes.”

“... I hope we see it soon.”

Eliza nodded, getting choked up.

“You love him, don’t you?”

She shook her head. “Though I think part of me does.” She reached out and latched onto John’s hand, holding on like she could never let go.

John pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back, squeezing her gently. Eliza let herself fall into him, letting out all the feelings that had overwhelmed her for what felt like so long.

They fell asleep like that, in her bed, Eliza’s head on John’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm... playing around with Eliza's feelings toward John...


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @bestofwaifusbestofwomen where u at?

“Good morning, Alexander.”

“Good morning.”

“I’m glad you decided to come in today.”

“Yeah, I was really thinking about calling out. My son’s still recovering from a pretty bad fall.”

“Oh no, is he alright?”

“Yes, he’s doing well. The concussion didn’t prove too serious. There doesn’t seem to be any lasting damage, but he still needs to be closely watched.”

“And you wanted to be home with him instead of here with me.”

“Yes.”

“Do you mind if we consider an alternate scenario for a moment?”

“Go ahead.”

“If your son— Philip, right?”

“Yes, Philip, Pip.”

“If Pip hadn’t gotten hurt, I’m wondering whether you’d have still considered cancelling our meeting today. I’m wondering if something else would have come up to keep you from coming in.”

“... I mean, I can’t say. Life’s very busy.”

“You work, you go to school, you have a small child you’re solely responsible for. What else?”

“I’m, um, hoping to get back into some relationships I’ve ruined.”

“What do you think you did to ruin them?”

“I wasn’t open with them. I was trying to date two people at once, but I didn’t tell one of them that I was seeing the other, and he had to find out on his own. And then when my girlfriend found out that I hadn’t told him, she got angry with my lack of honesty.”

“But you want to start seeing them both again?”

“Yes. Very much.”

“If you were to get another chance, what would you want to be different this time around?”

“I want to be able to better communicate with them. I know I hurt them. I wasn’t very considerate of their needs, and I don’t want that to happen again.”

“So you have a young son, a job, you’re going to school, and you want to be in a polyamorous relationship with this man and woman.”

“Yes.”

“That sounds very time-consuming.”

“It is. It would be.”

“When you think about the time you’d need to dedicate to all these roles in your life, how does it make you feel?”

“Honestly? Excited.”

“Excited?”

“Yeah. Because it’s time I want to be able to devote to them, and knowing that I would need to put in that effort means I’ve gotten another chance, and I can’t throw away my shot this time. Whatever it takes would be worth it.”

“Do you feel that same way about your work?”

“Yes. I feel like I’m really contributing something, and I know I’ll only have more opportunities for that in the future.”

“How about school?”

“I put in everything I can there, too, because I know it’ll help me advance further.”

“How would you feel about this exercise: let’s come up with all the roles you play in your life, and rank how important they’ve been to you at different points in your life, past, present, and future. How do you feel about trying that out?”

“Um, yeah, let’s do it.”

 

Alex left the session with a rank order in hand.

 

  1. __Parent - Pip is top priority in my life. I love him unconditionally and eternally. I know, in the end, it will always be the two of us against the world.__
  2. _Partner - I care very much about Eliza and John, and it’s painful to have them absent from my life. Maybe because I know it’s my fault._
  3. _Worker - I like my work well enough, but paralegal work is just a step toward greater things!_
  4. _Student - My law degree will help me achieve the aforementioned greater things_
  5. _Friend - I have difficulty getting close to people, but I do care about the few friends I have_
  6. _Citizen - I want to be the change I want to see in the world_
  7. _Child - I lost both parents when I was young, and haven’t treated my surrogate parents very well_
  8. _Leisurite - Not much free time_
  9. _Sibling - I haven’t seen my brother since I was twelve. I often consider myself an only child, something that would probably leave my poor mother rolling in her grave_



 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Alex has started counseling


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot to mention this in the previous (counseling) chapter, but I'm actually getting my MS in school counseling :) I had to apply this stuff somewhere!

The break was simultaneously more exciting and more restful than Eliza could’ve expected, or could’ve predicted was possible. In the absence of other explanations, Eliza concluded it must have just been something about John that could give her such an experience.

No wonder Alex wanted him, too.

Eliza shuddered. It was the second time she had thought of Alex since that first night in the hotel room. As if to distract her, and long aware of her bisexuality, John spent a particularly rowdy (but sober) night out intent on setting Eliza up with a young woman he was friendly with. And Eliza had almost been able to go along with it, but she couldn’t see herself going back to the hotel with someone she barely knew.

And then Alexander came to mind.

Eliza wrote in her journal that night that she was “hopelessly, tragically falling in love.”

 

Alex made time for the lessons. He studied more intensely than he did for his schooling. He practiced with Pip and quickly surpassed him, and taught him a little bit. He made a plan to ask after Eliza’s help, ready to go begging on his knees, knowing he didn’t deserve the favor. But he hoped his intentions would be received well; it might soften her resistance.

But it was not Alexander’s intention to take advantage of her generosity.

So an honest effort must be exerted first.

 

“Why did this week have to end so soon?”

John smiled and hugged her around her shoulders. They lay on the beach at sundown, long ago dried off but lingering in their swimsuits. They weren’t alone, of course, but as the world grew dark around him, and he could only see Eliza signing to from just two feet away, she became everything in his current world. “Maybe we had it too good for too long.”

Eliza felt tears spring to her eyes. But she smiled. “I’ll visit again in the summer.”

“In the meantime, we’ll always have Skype.”

And they laughed together as the sun slipped past the horizon behind them.

 

Alex had been too aware of the slow learning process to expect more progress than this over the last two weeks. He had a couple of basics down. He’d need Eliza for more specifics.

And today was the day he’d explore that option, if it was indeed an option.

Alex woke Pip up for his first day back at school. And at the school, he lingered outside the doorway.

“Miss Eliza? My daddy needs to talk to you.”

“Alexander.”

They stood across from one another. Eliza’s body language was neutral, defensively so. Alex’s was open and more vulnerable than he would’ve liked.

“Eliza. Good morning. How was your break?”

She resisted the urge to get him right to the point. Alex didn’t come to ask her about her break. “It was fine. John and I had fun while I could be down there.”

“I’m glad.” And his smile betrayed the genuineness of the sentiment. “You two are good for each other.”

“Alexander, what did you need to talk to me about?”

He held his arms out as if to put himself on full display to her. His mouth opened for only a moment, closing again as his hands came back between them. And then, clumsily, “Help me ASL.”

Eliza wanted to laugh, but the guilt over how mean that would seem acted quickly, and held her back. “You want me to teach you ASL?”

Alex returned to English. “Yes, if you’ll take me as a student. I can pay. Or even just let me sit in on the lessons you do with the students. I can be patient.”

This time she did laugh, full of incredulity and bitterness. “Oh, can you?”

“Yes. Eliza…” The eagerness in his eyes softened. “Eliza, I’ve started getting help. Emotional and interpersonal help.”

That made he falter. “You…”

“I’m putting in an effort. I’ve just started, but I don’t plan on quitting anytime soon.”

“Alex…”

“I know I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you and I don’t deserve John. But I want to, one day.”

He wasn’t self-pitying. He even had a gentle smile on his face as he spoke. Eliza held back the tears. She couldn’t go back into the classroom with puffy eyes.

“I’m not asking for another chance to be with you. I’m not asking it of him anymore, either. I’m asking for a chance to prove that I’m worth your time.”

“I’ll give you that chance.”

The answer surprised him, nearly sending Alex reeling backward. But as the acceptance sunk in, his grin spread ear to ear. “Will you?”

“Yes.” Her face remained neutral, but there was no hint of hesitation of reluctance in her voice.

Alex nearly jumped for excitement. “Oh, Eliza! Thank you! I would do anything not to disappoint you.” He wanted to reach for her hands, kiss her knuckles, but he held himself back with a deep blush. “I… suppose it’s too much to ask that you give me lessons now. You’re already offering so much.”

Eliza didn’t hesitate, this time, but only for a moment. It could remain unspoken between them; she knew why he was doing this. But she needed to weigh her options.

She thought of John and her uncertainty dissipated.

“You can start by coming to the after-school lessons. Twice a week. I trust you’ll be there.”

“I will, Eliza!”

And when class ended before the group the next afternoon, Alex was already waiting outside the door.

 

Pip was feeling sick again, almost as soon as he returned to school.

Alex didn’t hesitate to make a report this time, and follow up for three weeks until something was finally done, less than two months before the year ended.

They found mold in the classroom.

And then in several other locations throughout the school.

While the city was considering whether to address the issue, Alex decided Pip would not be finishing the year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A multiple-perspective chapter? Who knew!


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is a bit of a different one. I was originally going to post this as a separate fic in the same verse, but because I won't be able to post the next chapter tonight, I'm posting this instead. It's short and deals with some issues of underage sex and pregnancy... I'm sure that gives the plot away, haha... Anyway, because I didn't think anyone would read it on its own, and because it's so enmeshed with this story, I'm putting it here.

> **October 2008**

* * *

Herc came through with the fake IDs.

It was a tight deadline. John’s birthday unfortunately fell on a Monday, so the best they could do was go out on the Saturday before. John had originally paid one of Herc’s friends $100, but when the friend had delivered a fake driver’s license for him, John had nearly beat the shit out of him for theft, only barely held back by a supportive but exasperated Herc.

“I’ll get you a new one. And I’ll get your money back. I swear.”

He’d come through, and John could’ve kissed him. Almost did, actually. But that was after he was already tipsy enough to not care about all the eyes that could’ve caught him out of the closet.

Herc knew. And honestly, he wouldn’t have minded.

The club was dark. The music was loud, bass booming. John could lose himself in the music and the alcohol he and his friend snuck into the bathroom.

Herc had come through on that, too. And alone together, drinking in the stall, he might’ve tasted the burn on his friend’s lips. Gratitude was a hell of a drug. Do not combine with vodka shots.

“Come find me at midnight.”

“Don’t make a fool of yourself or get yourself kidnapped.”

 

John couldn’t tell who was grinding up against him on the dancefloor, but he could tell it was a woman. He didn’t press into it, but he didn’t push her off, either. Maybe it was her birthday, too. He wouldn’t deny her a little fun.

He would later find out that it was indeed her birthday. Much later, though, and much too late.

 

Herc came and found him at midnight, but the two were already in bed together in a room upstairs. Did she live upstairs from the club? Maybe she knew someone who did.

John’s as gay as they come. He didn’t initiate. But he didn’t protest it, either. His father might be proud: his teenage son getting laid upstairs from an adult club, an unknown girl celebrating the night before her eighteenth birthday. No condom. No contraceptives.

Herc came over and tapped his shoulder, avoiding the young woman that had fallen asleep on top of his friend. “John,” he signed. “We have to go.”

John climbed out of bed on what was technically a Sunday morning. On Monday he turned sixteen. Three Saturdays later he returned to the club just for a bit of shamless fun, and he ran into the young woman who was about to be the mother of his daughter.

 

Madelyn Manning was the daughter of a real estate mogul. Her dad knew his. Their families ran in the same circles.

Well, they couldn’t anymore.

John’s mother, at the end of her rope with the news but still firmly devoted to her son, pulled him aside to pass on what her ex-husband had said to her.

But before she could say anything, John took the opportunity, hands shaking but face steady. “Mama, I’m not ready to be a father, but I can’t just ignore this.”

He watched her sigh heavily. “Baby, no one can know about this. If you’re upset about it, well, it’s the decision your father’s come to. It’s the decision Mr. Manning’s come to. She’ll have the baby, raise it with her parents’ support. If you try to claim the child, Maddie might go to prison. You don’t want to do that to her, right?” 

He could tell by the rage in her face that this was all what her ex-husband had said. She didn’t believe a word of it. 

She wanted to tell the world this young woman had made a victim of her young son.

John didn’t know which one of them was right. He accepted that he would never actually figure it out.

 

He woke up one morning expecting the news that Maddie had the baby. It so happened that it was indeed the morning.

> **_Maddie:_ ** _ It’s a girl. Frances Manning. Born 1:03 in the morning. 9 lbs 2 oz, 20 inches. The father’s left blank on the birth certificate. I want it to stay that way. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys... Guys...
> 
> The next chapter will probably be the last one. It might take a few days for that reason, BUT with the final chapter I will also have a special announcement.
> 
> So stay tuned, guys. We're almost done. Thank you for sticking this out with me so far. -Litsy


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to everyone who's stuck it out this far, to the final chapter.

Summer was quickly approaching. Alex had one more lesson with Eliza in the meantime. And Alex wanted to make the most of it.

“Daddy? Why are you in your work clothes? It’s Saturday!”

Alex laughed softly and ruffled his son’s hair. “Eliza’s coming over today. I want to look nice for her.”

Pip hummed, silent for a moment. “Daddy? Do you still have a crush on Miss Eliza?”

“Yes, I do.”

Things were very slowly mending, more so with Eliza than with John. 

Eliza came over for their lessons, and to spend some time with Pip now that he had been pulled out of school. Alex would always be home early to make dinner, able to splurge just a little bit more on better ingredients. Eliza would always stay for dinner. While Pip talked about his day spent with the Washingtons, Alex and Eliza would listen and smile. When Pip went to sleep, if the adults didn’t have work to do, they’d stay up together late into the night, just talking.

 

“What do you mean you feel like you haven’t done anything with your life?”

Eliza sighed and stared into her glass. It was grape juice, but she could pretend it was wine. “My sisters have both done so much better for themselves. Peggy’s already more accomplished than me, seven years younger than me, and I can’t even imagine ever doing what Angelica’s done.”

“Do you want to be a politician?”

“No.”

“Peggy’s studying social work. Do you want to be a social worker?”

“No.”

“You want to be a kindergarten teacher?”

“Yes, I love it.”

“Then what does it matter what they’re doing? You’re doing what makes you happy.”

“They both attended private colleges—”

“And? You got your degree. You earned it. It doesn’t matter what school you went to.”

She laughed jovially. “Pot calling the kettle.”

“Listen, Eliza, if I didn’t get into Columbia then I’d probably be going back to a state school. But I’d be doing the same thing. And once I get my law degree and pass the bar, it’s not going to matter what school I went to. I will have earned by qualifications, so it wouldn’t make a difference, because I could be doing the same work. And it’s the same for you. It’s not about where you get the skills, it’s what you do with them. And…” He smiled softly in the lamplight. “You know how protective I am of Pip. You remember how particular I was with him from the beginning. And I couldn’t have imagined a better teacher with whom he would start his school career. If he just had you all throughout his elementary school days and —if you were to get your degree in secondary education— all through middle and high school, I would be elated about that. Because I would know he would have had not only a brilliant and exceptional teacher, but a warm support.”

She hid her blush in the rim of her glass. She hoped Alex wouldn’t notice her hand grazing over his own. “Suppose I might have to go back to school, then.”

 

“Alexander? Alex, are you alright?”

“Yes, yes, I’m just worried. Pip has a doctor appointment in the morning, but last time we went his peak flow still wasn’t good, and there hasn’t been much improvement. I’m not even worried about the costs anymore, I just—...”

She sat down next to him, and rested a gentle hand on his back, right between his quaking shoulder blades. As she started rubbing softly, she could feel the friction between Alex’s shirt and his binder. “Alex, you should probably get changed now.”

“I’m fine. I still have some work to do before bed.”

“How long had you been wearing your binder?”

There was a moment’s pause, before Alex stood abruptly. “Alright. Alright. I’ll be back in a moment.”

Eliza waited, ever patient. She took a glance around the room. There were little photo frames scattered around the living room. All of them were of Pip. Alex didn’t make an appearance. Eliza frowned, and waited with withering patience for him to come back.

“What’d I miss?” he joked, coming back into the room in his pajamas.

“Alex. I’ve noticed you don’t have any pictures of you and Pip around here.”

He laughed, approaching but not quite uncomfortable. “I don’t often look good in them, so I just stopped getting in them.”

Eliza couldn’t imagine him not looking good in anything, but she accepted that he might not see himself as she saw him. “Do you think you’ll ever regret cutting yourself out of those memories?”

“Oh, I won’t.” He tapped his temple. “I have them all right here…”

She winced. “But what if you don’t? And what if Pip doesn’t?”

That gave him pause.

“Here, Alex, I want to take a picture of you and Pip together.”

“Eliza—”

“I’ll just keep it on my phone. You don’t have to ever see it if you don’t want to.”

He sighed and, after a little more persuasion, he reluctantly agreed.

Alex gently shook Pip awake. “Mm… Daddy?”

“Hey, baby. Sorry to wake you up, but we’re gonna take a picture.” He carefully pulled Pip into his lap as the little boy rubbed sleep out of his eyes. Alex tucked his face into Pip’s hair and kissed the top of his head, and Pip leaned into the affection.

Eliza’s heart swelled as she was able to capture the moment.

“Miss Eliza, get in the next picture!”

Eliza started to laugh it off, but Alexander cut her off.

“Yes, please, Eliza. Join us.”

 

Alex hated the distance between himself and John, both the physical and the emotional. They had tried to pick up their friendship again, but between the expanse of the states between them, and their almost incompatible work hours, they would only afford a few conversations a week. With every word John texted him, Alex found himself only wanting more. He wanted to spend whole nights in conversation with John, who was clearly doing so much better for himself. They had barely touched the topic of their former relationship, but Alex made the most of every time they spoke.

> **_Alex:_ ** _ I’m really proud of you. You know that? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Haha, yeah, you said that last time. And the time before that. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Well, it’s true. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ So is that how we’re going to start every conversation now? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Might as well start on a pleasant note! _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ So, what did you do today? _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I got to take Cece to the aquarium with me. She made two friends with kids on the tours! She didn’t notice, but I got the parents’ numbers, and we’ll be arranging some play dates. I think nine-year-olds are still young enough for play dates. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Pip definitely is, and he’s more on the level of a nine-year-old than a five-year-old. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Oh, how’s Pip doing? How’d the doctor go? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ He’s made nominal improvement since leaving school, but he’ll still be on the stronger medication until he improves more significantly. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ The doctor’s suggested it might be a progressive condition, as if each attack weakens him further. They’ve tested him for mold spores. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ And?? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ We haven’t gotten the results yet. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Alright. I’ll keep him in my prayers. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Thank you. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ Are you doing okay? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Yes, I’ll be fine. I’ll feel better when I know what’s going on with him. Even if he’s getting progressively sicker, it’d be a relief just to know for sure what was going to happen. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ … _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Okay, I lied. I wouldn’t feel better. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I’m here for you. Alright? Even if the distance is a bit of an issue, I’m always your friend. Right? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Yes. A better friend than I deserve. _
> 
> **_John:_ ** _ I don’t think so. _

Alex hadn’t told him he was learning ASL. That would stay a surprise.

 

The doorbell brought him out of thoughts of John, and those thoughts were quickly replaced by thoughts of Eliza. He almost hopped over to the door, flinging it open, a wide grin on his face.

“Alexander… You look well.” Her head tilted downward, so Alex wouldn’t catch the light blush that came to her soft cheeks.

“As do you, Eliza, dear.”

She rolled her eyes a bit and, at Alexander’s step to the side, she briskly made her way inside.

“Do you have any plans for the break, Eliza?”

“I’ll be going to stay with John for a few weeks.”

“That should be fun! Are you leaving as soon as school lets out?”

“Once all my work is done. There’s more to do, but I should be leaving that weekend.”

“And how long are you staying?”

“Probably until mid- to late-July.”

“Oh, that’s quite a vacation.”

Alex and Eliza had fallen into what he could call a comfortable companionship, similar to that which they had experienced before they had become a couple. Alex could only hope that history would repeat itself. In this case, anyway.

But if he was going to be more open with communication, that was probably something worth talking about. So, while Pip was distracting by a new book Eliza had bought for him, Alex asked Eliza to step aside with him. His skin was buzzing with anxious excitement.

“Yes? Alex?”

And then he realized he’d just been staring blankly at her for a second too long. “Eliza. I… I notice we’ve been getting closer again of late.”

She nodded, and Alex took it to mean she had noticed the same.

“So, I can’t help thinking back to all the romantic times we spent together. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but I feel as though we’re currently in the same place as we were just before we started dating. And I find myself hoping that we can return to those weekly picnics, and all those times alone when Pip goes off to run about on the playground. I miss those times.”

She nodded again, more slowly this time, thoughts turning over in her eyes. “Alex…”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry if this conversation has made you uncomfortable.”

“It’s not that. I… I see you’ve been putting in effort. For both of us. For all of us. And it’s admirable. But… before we rush back into anything, I want to make sure you know you’re ready to take on a relationship again.”

“I am. I’ve been mulling it over, I’ve spoken to my therapist. And I know it won’t be easy, but love never is.”

Eliza blanched. “I… Alex…”

“I love you, Eliza.”

“Okay.” It was the only response she could choke out past the lump in her throat. “I…” And suddenly her voice was very quiet. “I love you too.”

He smiled warmly and took her burning red cheek in his hand. Eliza thought he might kiss her, but the kiss didn’t come.

So she would have to take matters into her own hands.

But she also made herself the first to pull back, if only to immediately see his reaction. Alex’s cheeks were pleasantly flushed, eyes lidded as they barely opened up again, and the smile that came to his lips made her only want to kiss him again.

So she did.

 

It was the day before Eliza was due to drive down to Columbia to stay with John. Alex would miss her, definitely, but he distracted himself with the excitement of the plan he had devised with her. He was almost giddy as he arrived to Eliza’s house with Pip.

She hugged him, and kissed his cheek, and let them inside. Peggy, off from school, offered to play with Pip in the living room; Angelica and her husband could watch on or join in if they liked. Peggy crouched down and smiled so brightly at the little boy that he had to hide his burning face in the neckhole of his shirt. Alex chuckled and urged him to go with her, but he needed only a very little encouragement.

And then Alex and Eliza were alone.

“Ready?”

“Ready!”

They moved on up to Eliza’s room, and she got set up in her usual spot for her usual chats. Alex sat just out of view of the webcam, fidgeting.

John answered the video call almost immediately.

“Good morning, John!”

“It’s almost afternoon, Lizzy. But good afternoon.”

“How did the reservation go?”

“We’ll be fine. I’ve got you.”

“Of course, Jack.”

The conversation went on much like that for several more minutes, two close friends discussing plans for the time they’d spend together. Alex didn’t understand almost any of it, despite the intensity of his studying. He reminded himself of just how much work there was left to do.

Lost in thought and self-consciousness, Alex almost missed his cue.

“Well, I have someone here who wanted to see you. He says it’s been too long.” She gestured for Alex to come on screen.

He only barely kept himself from launching onto the bed.

John stared with wide eyes, and went to type out his confusion.

> **_SpottyBoi:_ ** _ Alex? What are you doing here? _

Alex barely glanced at the question as he focused on what he’d practiced.

“John. I am learning ASL. I am very bad right now, but I am learning.” He gestured to Eliza, indicating all the help she had been in the process. “I am bad with communicating. But I want to try. For you. And I want to do it on your terms.”

John watched him with wide eyes. Even with the new laptop, the camera quality was not enough that it could catch the buildup of tears in his eyes.

Then he laughed loudly, louder than either of them had ever heard from him, and Alex broke out into a grin.

“Eliza, tell him he is really bad at this right now, but also that as long as he’s putting in the effort, I’d love to help out, too.”

Eliza smiled. “Should I tell him anything else?”

His answer should have surprised her. It didn’t. She turned back to Alex.

“Alex, John wants to know when you can get off work for a time.”

Alex blushed and glanced at John, who was watching him in turn. “Soon.”

Alex stepped away from the conversation for a few minutes to make a phone call. It took a while, but when he returned it was with a bright smile. “Hey, Eliza, is there any room in your hotel room for a little boy and his eager father?”

 

It was Pip’s first vacation. It was the first time Alex was able to get him any more than fifty miles away from home. He was in tears as they packed up for the trip.

“Daddy? Are you crying?”

“Yes, baby, but it’s a happy crying. We’re going on vacation.”

“Yay! I’m almost done packing!” He ran to his bag to show off how well he’d done. Books and toys. Alex had packed everything else in his own bag.

“Good job, Pippy.”

“I’m bringing Floppy!”

“Yes, I see that.”

“Daddy? Why can’t Theo come with us?”

“Well, Theo has her own family here. The hotel room isn’t big enough for everyone.”

> **_Aaron:_ ** _ Hey, we’re all going to be spending the summer at home. Plenty of time for Theo and Pip to get together and play. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Sounds great! We’ll be in SC until July 14th, but we’ll definitely have to make arrangements for when we get back. _
> 
> **_Aaron:_ ** _ You’re going down to see John? _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Eliza’s going too! It’ll be fun. _
> 
> **_Aaron:_ ** _ Great. I’m really happy for you, Alex, glad things are working out. _
> 
> **_Alex:_ ** _ Yeah. Thank you. _

 

They were at a family seafood restaurant in Myrtle Beach when Alex got the call.

“Excuse me, I have to take this.”

He stepped away from the table. Eliza watched him with mild concern as Pip and John colored in a playmat together.

Alex returned about five minutes later. He had tears in his eyes, and for a moment everyone expected the worst.

“Daddy?”

“Alex, what’s wrong?”

But he just laughed. “The test came back negative. There’s no lasting damage from the mold spores.”

Eliza was immediately ecstatic. She took a moment to fill both Pip and John in on what was going on, and John pulled Alex into a tight hug while Pip continued coloring.

 

The hotel room had two queen beds, for Alex and Eliza, and a twin-sized bed for Pip. John had his own suite a few floors up, but he was almost never there.

They had to be quiet when Pip was asleep, the silence only broken for what signs Alex couldn’t understand. He had trouble keeping up, still, but accepted it. He’d just have to keep learning.

They’d stay up all hours into the night, only barely getting enough sleep to be alive in the morning. Alex loved every moment of it. He got the feeling they did, too.

One night, about halfway through their vacation together, Alex requested John’s full attention, for just a moment. Those soft greenish eyes on him, Alex lost all hesitation. But his hands still shook as he said what he’d been feeling for so long. 

“I love you.”

John had to use Alex’s own eyes to ground him, keep him from floating away. Poor Eliza; the two of them only saw each other in that moment. It felt like so long to both of them before John could finally reply.

“I love you too.”

They pulled each other into a tight hug, afraid of ever letting go again. They both eagerly welcomed Eliza into the hug. John kissed her on the cheek and Alex kissed her full on the mouth. Alex took turns burying his face in both their shoulders, grinning lips trembling as he barely held back to tears. The dam finally broke when John kissed him.

Alex had been given a second chance.

John and Eliza would tell him that he earned it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I promised an announcement with the conclusion of the story.
> 
> I'm making an ask blog for these characters. Mostly for Alex, Eliza, John, and Pip, obviously, but any characters are fair game. The blog is still under construction but it's ready for questions/comments/interactions with the characters!
> 
> Check it out, if you're ineterested:  
> ask-elams.tumbr.com
> 
> Thank you to everyone who made it this far. This is not only my longest story ever, let alone longest complete story, but it is also the reason for and result of my most prolific writing period ever. 
> 
> Loves of My Life, 2/27-3/28, 67,520 words.


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